The Adderall Diaries Page #6

and I didn't know

what the hell to do.

I took you back

to the empty house

and then you really

got out of control.

You know, you were trying to

cut your wrists open, so I...

I handcuffed you

to this radiator pipe

while I tried to, you know,

reach my own decision

whether to call the cops

or if that would put you

in jail.

Thirty minutes later,

I came back to check on you

and you were hanging there,

passed out in a puddle

of blood at your feet,

and I thought you were dead.

It was like a bolt

of lightning hit my heart.

I just couldn't bear

the thought of livin'

knowin' what I'd done to you.

Part of me I don't think

ever came back from that moment.

I took the handcuffs off you

and I said,

"you do whatever

you wanna do, son."

You didn't want anything

to do with me.

I can't blame you for that.

I keep tryin'

to apologize to you,

but it all goes wrong.

Maybe there just isn't a way

to make amends

for somethin' like this.

Not that it matters,

but honestly, I...

I only ever tried

to do right by you.

I'm a broken man,

and I just...

I hope you won't be like me.

F***!

Roger:
Could you ask

me some questions?

I'm not good at making speeches.

Did you think you had

a chance at a better verdict?

Look, I knew I wasn't

gonna get away with it.

I mean, I looked guilty,

I am guilty,

but a father does

what he has to do

in order to protect

his children.

Okay. Um...

If you knew that you weren't

going for innocence,

then why didn't you just

plead guilty in the beginning

and get a deal?

I mean, I heard Dubois

made a deal for seven years

because the da

didn't wanna go to court.

But who would've cared?

I had the most publicized

trial in years.

Would you be interested

in following the story

of a murderer

who took a plea bargain?

But I thought you said

you did it for your children.

I did. Everything I've

ever done was for them.

But you insured that

you would never see them again.

I mean, they're not

gonna have a father.

I don't...

I don't know.

I don't know what to tell you.

Validation is a helluva drug.

What? What's funny?

Just the truth's a motherf***er.

Thanks.

I'll see you.

So you wrote all that

in two days?

Yeah, I mean, I put it

down on paper in two days,

but I mean, this is the book

that I've...

I've been wanting to write.

I just didn't know that until...

Until now.

So let's find you a publisher.

It's not going to be penguin,

but I've got

a friend at Grey wolf

I think would be into this idea.

It won't be a big advance,

but something to get us

back on track.

Us?

Us.

Hey.

Brought you some coffee.

I'm in no mood, Elliott.

That was your decaf.

You can have my coffee,

if you want.

I also brought you

some blueberries.

So many gifts

and so few actual apologies.

I don't know where to start.

Start with the hydrangeas.

And for the record... no.

It's not my life's plan

to be watering these things.

I feed them bone meal

so they stay blue.

She loves it, so.

I'd be doin' this

if I had the chance.

I'd be doin' all of this.

Sorry, Roger.

I'm a pretty shitty person.

No, you're not.

You're my family.

You... you knew me when I was the

messiest kid out of all of us.

You never gave me any grief

about that, not once.

You kept showin' up for me.

So...

I'm not gonna walk away

from this over a few words.

You wanna go for a ride?

You're all wet.

Yeah. We can even that up.

- B*tch.

- Sorry, it just slipped.

- Oh, that slipped?

- Yeah.

Motherf***er!

What are you doin', dude?

Don't, don't, don't, don't!

Nina's mother Christina says

she is relieved

the children may come

to some sense of closure...

What time is it?

We have about an hour.

Your flight's at 6:00.

We should pull

the rental car around.

I already did.

You know you're not drivin'.

Oh, great!

You can kill us both.

You remember

when you taught me to drive?

I was 14.

You let me drive out to

Warren park in a '69 mustang.

I loved that car.

You used to take me out,

let me drive.

I remember feelin'

so happy and free,

full of hope and potential.

Neil:
I don't know why

you always told people

I taught you to drive

in the mustang.

It was a red 1968

Oldsmobile Delmont convertible

in Warren park

in the parkin' lot.

You were belligerent,

and you were a terrible driver.

So we only did it once.

Wanna go for a drive?

I don't wanna

see you for an hour.

Nah, we'd just argue.

Fine.

Then we'll just go.

We'll agree not to talk.

It doesn't matter.

None of it matters.

All right.

You gotta help me up here.

Help your old dad get up.

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