The Adventures of Huck Finn Page #5

Sorry, boy.

People tryin' to kill me and...

dogs tryin' to rip my face off,

and it ain't even breakfast yet.

They call me the King, the King

of Bilgewater, and this here's the Duke.

Pleased to meet ya.

The King and

the Duke seemed like nice enough fellas,

but something about 'em

made me feel mighty uneasy.

They asked us

a considerable many questions.

- Yeow! - Bull's-eye.

- And once again...

I decided it would be best

to leave out the truth.

So... my ma grabbed onto

the trapeze and swung one way.

My pa came a-swingin' on the other.

My ma let go, did a double flip...

and missed my pa

by a good six feet.

She made quite a mess

when she hit them bleachers.

I think this boy's gonna fit right in.

Thank you, Jim. So what is it

you two fellas do, exactly?

We do a fair bit

of doctorin'.

Yeah. We can cure cancer,

paralysis, baldness.

This time we're sellin' a thing

that takes tartar off of teeth.

- And it does take it off too.

- But unfortunately the...

- enamel goes right along with it.

- Yeah, well!

We also do some theatre.

Tragedy, you know.

Yeah, we got enough... Shakespearean

costumes here for the lot of us.

But what we do best

are the three Es.

Robbery, forgery...

and burglary.

Hell's bells!

I wish I knew a good trade.

Well, maybe we'll teach you one, huh?

Yeow! Go...

You skinny little rat bag!

I'm gonna wring

your skinny little neck!

Hey, watch it!

Stop peckin' at me!

- Oh, good morning, boys.

- Good morning.

Aw, hello, Duke.

- We gotta run, now, huh?

- Naw, naw, naw, naw.

- I just been borrowin' a few things.

- Ah, yeah.

Nobody saw me.

But lookee what I found.

- You were headin' for your Uncle Billy's

plantation, huh? - Now, wait a minute.

You're a runaway murderin'slave's

what you are.

I think maybe I'll just

collect that reward.

- He only murdered me.

- Now, look, we ain't exactly the type...

to turn others

into the law.

We stay as far away from the law

as is humanly possible.

So if you two just, uh...

Listen up and shut up

and do as you're told...

-and wait on us hand and foot...

- and be real nice to us,

we won't say a word.

You step out of line,

try and run and...

Oh, ho ho!

Easy prey.

- I'm all right!

- Ya think? - I do.

- Shall we?

- Let's.

Hello, there!

Happy morn to ya!

And a good mornin'

to you all too!

Say, you wouldn't

happen to be...

the Wilks brothers,

now, would ya?

- Yes.

- No!

- No. - My name is Blodgett,

Dr. Alexander Blodgett.

This here is Franciscus, uh,

Adolphus and Jim.

- Oh, shoot.

- Adolphus?

- I reckon it don't matter. They already

missed it anyways. - Missed? What?

Was an, um,

economic opportunity

they missed, huh?

Oh, ho ho!

No, no, no.

They'll get the money

and the property all right, but...

they missed the death

of their brother Peter Wilks...

down at Phelps Landing.

He died.

Last night.

- Too bad.

- So sad.

Yup. He said he ain't

seen his two brothers...

in more than 20 years.

Yeah? So, uh,

why did you think

we was them?

Well, one of the brothers,

the preacher?

He's a lot older.

And the one that's deaf and dumb...

he's a lot younger, see.

So when I saw you two,

I just reckoned maybe...

- Are you leaving the area for a while?

- I'm goin' to New Orleans.

Well, methinks this calls

for a small libation!

- Ha ha ha ha!

- I'll drink to that!

Right this way,

my gold-toothed friend!

We in trouble, Huck.

The King

and the Duke found out...

that the dead guy's brothers

lived over in England.

They hadn't had much time

to get the letter...

and might not have

gotten it at all.

So those two rat bags

grilled that flathead...

about everything and

everybody in his village,

right down to the damn

dog next door.

- Woof!

- Mighty smart of ya!

Mighty smart of ya.

Was Peter Wilks well off?

Oh, he was, uh,

he was as rich

as King Soromon himself.

I tell you, Jim,

the hand of providence is bound

to take a swing at them two.

And knowin' them,

they'll duck.

How are you at

playing a preacher?

- How are you at playin' deaf and dumb?

- Pardon?

- Heh heh heh heh heh!

- Ha ha ha ha!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Attention, passengers!

jubilee leaving for Phelps Landing

in 15 minutes!

Do I have to wear this?

Wanted to learn

a trade, didn't ya?

- Why can't we just wait here?

- Because I don't trust ya.

You'd hightail it for sure,

and we need to leave this raft

here for our getaway.

Besides, we'll be

more convincing...

after we arrive with an innocent

young boy as our valet.

Who you callin' innocent?

Look, you wouldn't want us

to accidentally turn in...

your runaway slave friend,

now, would ya?

Come on. Play along with us

for a couple of days.

We'll give ya 10 percent.

- 15.

- Deal.

- You never looked better!

- I have too looked better!

- You're beautiful!

- I feel ridiculous!

- Hey, King!

- Yeah?

- Let's go buy those tickets.

- All right.

- Be right back.

- Shoo! Shoo, fly!

Shoo!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Funny, Huck. Very funny.

What in hell's bells

are you supposed to be?

The King said I was

a Swahili warrior.

Even taught me some Swahili,

or what he said was Swahili.

- Sounded like a pig in heat to me.

- Hee hee.

I'd poked around a little...

and found out that

a steamboat was leavin'...

from Phelps Landing

the day after tomorrow...

and headin'all the way

up to Cairo.

So all we had to do was put up with

them rat bags for two more days,

then it was

off to freedom.

Uh, begging your pardon

on this,

can any of you

good people tell me...

where Mr. Peter Wilks

lives?

I'm looking for

Mr. Peter Wilks.

Get out of the way,

for heaven's sake.

Peter's brothers,

right?

Uh, heh-heh-heh.

- I can tell by your fancy accent.

- But we're sorry to say...

we can only tell you

where Peter did live...

up until yesterday.

Oh. What you're

tellin'me, I think,

is that my dear,

sweet brother Peter...

has gone to the Lord.

He held on for you as long as he could,

but yesterday he passed.

And we came all the way from England.

Alas. Alas.

And we never got to see him.

Excuse me.

I must communicate

with me deaf brother.

- I told you before, she's my woman!

- No, she's not!

Hey, don't I know you two?

Yeah, I do!

You're that...

Stand aside!

Welcome to America!

My dear, sweet Mary Jane.

- Uncle Harvey.

- Ho-ho-ho!

Mmm, mmm...

Enough. Heh-heh.

Ah, you're as bloomin'beautiful

as Peter said you was.

- You sure are.

- Ha ha ha!

This is my,

uh, valet, Adolphus.

My English valet,

right?

Right, right. Heh.

- Isn't he the sweetest looking boy?

- Why, thank you, missus!

Heh-heh.

Oh, and this is my Swahili warrior...

I picked up in Africa

on a safari with the Duke of York.

He makes a great slave.

Yeah. Yes, of course.

Er, might we, uh,

pay our respects

to our brother's remainders?

Oh, oh, yes, yes.

Rather, William.

Uh, my brother says...

he'd like to invite friends

of the family for supper,

people mentioned by our dear Peter

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