The Adventures of Huck Finn Page #6

so often in his letters.

- No, I won't forget...

- You know, we might just prosper...

hanging around with them two.

More than likely,

we'll get our necks stretched.

Well, that old King

juiced it plenty,

spittin'out word-for-word everything

that young flathead told him.

And how's that

damn dog next door?

Smelly as the dickens.

Oh, thank ya ever so.

So I says to the pope,

" Pope, I'd like to

stay and help ya,

but I've got a

blinkin'job to do...

down in the bloomin' Indian Ocean

savin' the blinkin' pirates."

Watch yourself, Huck.

She's just a girl, Jim.

Adolphus, have you

ever seen the king?

- Him? Oh, yeah. William III.

- George IV.

Oh, the King of England!

Oh, why didn't you bloody say so?

Course I have.

He goes to our church, regular.

But I thought he lived in London.

- Well, he does.

- But you live in Sheffield.

That is to say...

he goes to our church

when he's in Sheffield.

Do you go to church?

Of course I do.

We got our own pew right up front.

- Whose pew? - Why, ours.

Your Uncle Harvey's, of course.

What would he need a pew for?

Isn't he preaching up in the pulpit?

My thoughts exactly.

Now, do you suppose...

there ain't but one bloody, blinkin'

preacher to a bloomin' church?

- What would they want more for?

- Style.

If it's a priest before a king,

you got to have

lots of style goin' on.

In our church,

we've got 17 bloody, blinkin',

bloomin'preachers.

- Where's Buckingham Palace?

- In Buckingham.

- Who's the King married to?

- His wife. - What's her name?

- Uh, the queen. - Queen

what? - Queen of England.

Ha! You don't know anything, do ya?

Well, I think...

-you're the biggest fibber...

-Susan!

How dare you

speak to him so,

him being a stranger

in a strange land,

so far from his own people.

He was telling a few stretchers,

and I wasn't swallowing them.

You apologize to him

this instant.

I apologize, Adolphus.

You're a dear, sweet boy.

I'm ashamed

I called you a fibber.

- Women.

- Here, now, have some pie and milk,

- because you are so sweet.

- Why, thank you ever so.

And these are the girls

we're lettin' those reptiles...

rob of their money.

- A right good day, Mary Jane!

- Good day to you, Adolphus.

Ah, we've just been...

for a marvellous walk in the woods.

What a lovely country!

Ha-ha-ha!

A right good day, sirs!

Would you happen to know where the...

the great Swahili

warrior's sleepin'?

We decided the Swahili bit was pushing

it and asked him to wait at the raft.

Well, what about...

- A good lad!

- Here it is, Uncle.

Father said only you

should open it.

Oh. Bless him.

" Last Will and Testament

of Peter J. Wilks.

I, Peter J. Wilks,

being of sound mind..."

Well, the dead

geezer gave the girls his houses,

the slaves, and thousands

of dollars in gold.

Then he gave more gold...

"to my dear, beloved brothers

Harvey and William."

Praise be to the Lord.

Er, "The gold is hidden in the barn

behind the vineyards."

Well, William, I guess we better

go and get it.

- Well?

- Well?

There, behind the grindstone.

Aah! Allow me.

Wow!

Begging your pardon!

Hmph!

If this ain't bully, nothing is.

Like I told you this morning,

we're goin' all the way

with this one.

All for us and none for them.

Let's count it.

I don't think it's right, us stealin

from them nice girls.

You're in it now,

you little stinkweed.

- Right up to your sneaky little eyeballs.

-And if it goes wrong...

You'll take your punishment

right along with us.

Ya know what they'll

do if they catch us?

Ya know what happens to ya

when they tar and feather ya?

- Do ya?

- No, sirs!

No, I... I don't know!

The tar oozes into your pores.

Clogs 'em up real tight.

- Suffocates your skin.

- Ya get all green and sick.

Then ya choke and ya cough.

Until ya tear your own flesh

so's ya can breathe.

But ya can't breathe!

And half the time,

ya die from it.

And those

that don't die...

feel so bad,

they wish that they had.

And that's just what'll happen to you

if ya open your mouth.

Hey.

Maybe young Adolphus here

has the right idea.

We should give the money

back to the girls.

That's a dazzling idea, King.

- That'll knock over their suspicions.

- Shut 'em up for good.

- Until we steal it all back.

- Yeah, we give them the money...

and that gives us the time

to steal everything else.

Genius.

We're gonna be set for life!

I'd had enough,

and steamboat or no steamboat,

I figured it were time

to grab Jim...

and hightail it to Cairo.

Heh-heh. Friends,

our dear departed...

has done generous

to his little lambs,

and as their uncles,

I think we'd

like to enhance...

the generous spirit

of the day.

You see, I knew he'd

feel the same as me.

Mary Jane, Julia, Susan,

take the money.

Take it all.

A gift from your uncles.

- Wonderful!

- Dear souls, how could you?

Englishman, my butt!

You're a couple of frauds.

I beg your pardon.

And who might you be?

Dr. Robinson, ain't you heard?

They're Peter's brothers.

Doctor...

Dr. Robinson! Oh!

My brother's, oh, good friend

and physician.

Take your hand away from me,

you impostor!

They proved it 40 ways

that they're the brothers.

- They even knew everything about

the village! - And everybody's name!

- They even know about the damn

dog next door. - Enough!

They came here

with lots of names and facts...

they must've picked up

somewhere, that's all.

Yup,

it was time to leave, all right.

I could smell the winds a-changin',

and they stunk.

Turn these rascals out,

I beg you.

They're liars.

Based on what evidence?

Here's my answer, doctor.

Uncle Harvey, Uncle William,

take the gold back...

and invest it for me

and my sisters any way you want.

That's my answer, doctor.

Whooo!

Marvellous.

I hated to run out

on them sweet girls,

but I figured

if I stuck around,

that dead geezer 'n'me

would be sharin'lodgin's.

Hey, you seen a big slave around,

maybe hangin' on my raft?

You bet I was. Two men catched him,

and now he's in jail.

- What?

- They had a handbill...

that said he was a murderer

and a runaway...

- and worth $400.

- So where is he now?

Took him down

to the jail in Phelps Landing.

- Phelps Landing.

- Yeah, we're gonna keep him there...

until we can take him up north

for the hangin'.

I'm gonna fix their wagons

but good.

I'd come all the way

down the Mississippi...

and hadn't gotten anywhere,

and I realized right then that ya

can't run away from your problems,

ya gotta make a stand

and face 'em.

I didn't tell 'em nothin'.

I didn't want to get you in any trouble.

Good,

because my butt's hangin' way out,

and I'd rather

not get it shot off.

I got to tell 'em

you're not a murderer.

That don't matter.

Me bein' a runaway's even worse

than me bein' a murderer.

The steamboat leaves the wharf

at 10:
00 tomorrow tonight.

Don't you worry, Jim.

We'll both be on it.

There's something I got to tell ya

before you risking yourself for me.

You know that night on the steamboat

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