The African Queen Page #3

Whole boiler would blow up.

But if we're going

downstream, Mr. Allnut,

why do we need the engine at all?

Boat's got to go faster than the water

or you can't steer.

If I was to let the engine die

going down the rapids, we'd be goners.

- Mr. Allnut?

- Yes, miss?

Why don't you dismantle

the safety valve

and remove the screwdriver?

You know, I'm going

to do that one of these days.

The only reason I ain't done it up to now

is that I kind of like kicking her.

She's all I've got.

It's kind of hot work, ain't it, miss?

I could do with a drink.

Excuse me, miss.

- You going to have one, miss?

- No.

- What is it?

- Gin, miss.

- Something the matter, miss?

- No.

How'd you like a nice cup of tea?

I'd like a cup of tea.

Course, it'll taste a little rusty,

but then

we can't have everything, can we?

There you are.

I'll get this out of the way.

- Sugar, miss?

- Thank you.

Don't mention it.

- Have a bit of supper, miss?

- It's too hot to eat.

- How long you been out here, miss?

- About 10 years.

And what part of England

do you come from?

- The Midlands.

- It sounds pretty, anyway.

Yes, it is. It's very pretty.

Ever get homesick?

It's Sunday afternoons I think of most.

The peace and the quiet.

On Sunday afternoons,

I was always sleeping one off.

- This is very, very good.

- Yes, it isn't half bad, is it?

- What brought you to Africa, Mr. Allnut?

- The Zambezi Bridge, miss.

A whole boatload of us Canucks

came over to work on it.

Don't know yet

what they wanted a bridge for,

both sides of the river being the same,

but why does a chicken cross the road?

- I beg your pardon?

- Nothing, miss.

Sometimes I wish

I was back rubbing elbows, as they say.

You know, there's nothing

like the jostle and the noise

and the music of a Saturday night

for cheering a fellow up.

The rest of the week

I'd be taking orders from somebody.

Out here, I'm my own boss.

Anyway, I was, until...

You didn't see any crocodiles

in this arm, did you, miss?

Crocodiles? No.

There's no shallows for them.

The current's too swift.

I could do with a bath before I turn in.

I'd like a bath myself.

Well, then, I'll just go up in the bow

and hang off the anchor chain.

You can stay back here in the stern

and do whatever you have to.

Just so long as we don't look,

it won't matter, huh?

Well, how about it, miss?

Very well, Mr. Allnut.

That's the ticket.

- Mr. Allnut.

- Right here.

- I can't get back into the boat.

- I'll give you a hand.

Close your eyes, please, Mr. Allnut.

All right. I'm all right. Thank you.

Mr. Allnut!

Hi. Sorry I woke you, miss.

What are you doing?

- I ain't doing nothing, miss.

- Well, get out this instant.

Mr. Allnut.

You may come in out of the rain.

Thank you, miss.

- Miss.

- Yes, Mr. Allnut?

- I'm sorry I gave you such a turn.

- That's quite all right, Mr. Allnut.

- Good night, miss.

- Good night, Mr. Allnut.

- What a frightfully strong smell.

- What smell?

The river. It smells like marigolds.

Stale ones.

It does, huh?

Not a very good smell for a flower.

- They're very pretty, though, marigolds.

- They are, huh?

- Mr. Allnut?

- Yes, miss?

- The current's quite strong here, isn't it?

- Yes. We're getting near the rapids.

- Really? So soon?

- Just around that bend.

Kind of dangerous.

You better let me take over.

Here you are, miss.

- Well, miss?

- Yes, Mr. Allnut?

- How'd you like it?

- Like it?

- White water, rapids?

- I never dreamed.

I don't blame you for being scared, miss,

not one little bit.

Ain't no person in their right mind

ain't scared of white water.

I never dreamed

that any mere physical experience

- could be so stimulating.

- How's that, miss?

I've only known such excitement

a few times before.

A few times

in my dear brother's sermons,

when the spirit was really upon him.

- You mean you want to go on?

- Naturally.

- Miss, you're crazy!

- I beg your pardon?

You know what would have happened

if we'd come up against

one of them rocks?

But we didn't.

I must say, I'm filled with admiration

for your skill, Mr. Allnut.

Do you suppose

after I've practiced steering a bit,

- that someday I might try?

- Miss, let me tell you something.

Them rapids ain't nothing

to what's out in front of us.

On second thoughts,

I wouldn't call them rapids at all.

- I can hardly wait.

- But, miss...

Now that I've had a taste of it,

I don't wonder

you love boating, Mr. Allnut.

Is something the matter, Mr. Allnut?

Tell me.

Nothing. Nothing you'd understand.

I simply can't imagine

what could be the matter.

It's been such a pleasant day.

What is it?

- Yes, Mr. Allnut?

- All this foolish talk about the Louisa,

- going down the river.

- What do you mean?

I mean we ain't going to do

nothing of the sort.

Of course we are. What an absurd idea.

"What an absurd idea.

What an absurd idea."

Lady, you got 10 absurd ideas

for my one.

Just why don't you want

to go on, Mr. Allnut?

- The river and Shona.

- Shona?

You're darn right, Shona.

All it would take would be one bullet

in the blasting gelatin

and we'd be in little bits and pieces.

- Then we'll go by night.

- No, we won't.

After Shona, there's the rapids.

Nobody in their might rind would

tackle the rapids at night.

But then we'll go in the daylight.

We'll go on the far side

of the river from Shona,

- just as fast as ever we can.

- No, we won't.

- You agreed to go.

- I never did.

I never agreed to nothing.

You are a liar, Mr. Allnut,

and what is worse, you are a coward.

Coward yourself.

You ain't no lady. No, miss.

That's what my poor old mother

would say to you.

If my poor old mother were to hear you...

Whose boat is this, anyway?

I asked you on board

'cause I was sorry for you,

on account of you losing

your brother and all.

That's what you get

for feeling sorry for people.

Well, I ain't sorry no more, you crazy,

psalm-singing, skinny old maid!

There was a bold fisherman

Set sail from off Pimlico

And when he got off Pimlico

The winds did begin to blow

And the little boat wibble-wobbled so

That overboard went he

Singing twinkie deedledum

Twinkie deedledee

Was the highly interesting

song that he sung

Twinkie deedledum

Twinkie deedledee...

Miss. Have pity, miss.

You don't know what you're doing, miss.

I'll perish without a hair of the dog.

Miss.

It ain't your property!

What a headache.

There was a bold fisherman

Set sail from off Pimlico

To catch...

But when he got off Pimlico

The one...

It's a great thing

to have a lady aboard with clean habits.

Sets a man a good example.

A man alone,

he gets to living like a hog.

Then, too, with me,

it's always putting things off.

Never do today what you

can put off till tomorrow.

But with you,

business before pleasure, every time.

Do all your personal laundry.

Make yourself spic-and-span,

get all the mending out of the way,

and then, and only then,

sit down for a nice, quiet hour

with the Good Book.

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