The Alarmist

---

Pay attention now, Thomas.

I want you to watch

and see how it's done.

- You ready?

- Yes, sir.

Sally, send in Miss Brown.

Yes, Mr. Grigoris.

- Mr. Grigoris?

- Please, Heinrich.

- Your secretary--

- Come in.

Can I get you a coffee

or perhaps a soda?

- Don't bother.

- No bother at all.

- I'm not thirsty.

- Of course. Mineral water?

Miss Brown, will you say hello

to Tommy Hudler, my trainee?

- Tommy, say hello to Miss Brown.

- Hello, Miss Brown.

Could he sit?

Do you mind?

- Thank you.

- Not at all.

Sally, hold all my calls.

Did I say something to amuse?

No, it's just

that my name is Sally too.

Really? Well--

May I call you Sally?

The thing is, you want

to live your life without all this...

terror.

It doesn't seem like

so precious much to ask for.

But that's exactly what it is:

precious life!

I'm sure your husband

would agree with me.

- If he were here today.

- I'm so sorry.

No, he's not dead.

He's just not here today.

- He's sick.

- I hope it's not serious.

I'm afraid it is.

I'm so sorry.

Yes?

The A.R.S.S. Nine--

a deluxe, armed-response, fully

self-actuating home security system..

I'm afraid that one's

beyond my means. The other one.

The S.S. Nine?

Yeah, also a good choice.

No armed response, but if you decide

later you want the upgrade...

it's an easy thing.

I'm still concerned

about the cost.

Of course you are. That's why

we offer the 48-month payment plan...

practically interest free.

We do want you

to have the system.

How much interest?

Four point two five.

- Three five.

- I can't do three five. I can do four.

For you,

I couId do three five.

- Okay.

- Done!

Sign here.

And basically,

that's all she wrote.

- You are wonderful.

- I know.

Thank you for participating in this

demonstration for young Thomas.

My pleasure.

Heinrich's blue ribbon, Tommy,

a master.

- Yeah, he's smooth.

- Like silk.

- I'll make calls, finish up some stuff.

- Thank you.

She is really good.

That woman is the heartbeat

of this operation.

So, what do you think?

I think I have a Iot to learn, sir.

You don't have to sell fear.

It sells itself.

Now the chances of you

or a member of your family...

being the victim

of a vioIent crime...

are better than one in four.

- One in four?

- Yeah, I'm afraid so.

Like that lady that got cut into little

pieces and mailed all over the pIace.

I read about that.

You know, it's one thing

if someone just breaks in...

and merely vandalizes or robs.

But it's another if you

or a member of your family...

are put into danger.

I'm sure your husband

would agree with me.

- He's dead.

- I hope it's not serious.

- I'm so very sorry.

- Don't worry about it.

You seem nervous.

Did you know that 60 percent

of all rapes...

are committed by burglars?

I have to admit

I feel terribly vulnerable here.

Sometimes-- It's silly.

Sometimes I feel

like I'm being watched.

- Like the night has eyes.

- Really?

Do you have any reason

to beIieve that--

It's just fear.

Groundless fear.

I understand...

and I'm happy to say you could protect

yourseIf with one of these systems.

The S.S. Nine

or the Deluxe A.R.S.S. Nine.

24 hours a day,

365 days a year.

They're the cutting edge

in home security.

Perhaps I should consider it.

- Hi, Mom.

- Howard.

This is Mr.--

Hudler.

You can call me Tom.

Hi, Tom.

Hi, Howard.

Do they call you Howie?

How about How?

It's like an lndian saying hi.

Yeah.

So, I'll be in my room

until dinner.

- He's gigantic.

- I know.

You seem so young

to have such a large son.

Thank you.

So, what do you think?

About what?

Oh, that.

To be honest,

I am concerned about the cost.

Of course you are.

That's why we're offering you

a 48-month payment plan...

virtually interest free.

Because we want you

to have this system.

We do.

- You're a nice man.

- Thank you.

I think I'll get

the less expensive one.

Great.

Then she just grabbed it

out of my hand and signed it.

- Just like that?

- Just Iike that.

Do you believe this f***er?

Do you f***ing believe this f***er?

All right already.

Tommy, first f***ing day,

makes a sale on his first call.

Amazing.

Pass the f***ing eggplant.

Tommy, tell me what happened?

Really nothing.

She was gonna buy it

before I even got to the door.

- He's modest too. You see that, Sally?

- Very becoming.

- Tell me about the house.

- What?

I'm asking you your impression

of the Lady's house.

It was a nice house.

- There were definite nice things.

- Things worth protecting.

Definitely. There were paintings

all over the place.

- And she painted them.

- An artiste.

- Is this a good-looking woman?

- Yes.

You could definitely say that.

- Where's the husband?

- Gone. He passed on.

There's definitely money

coming in from somewhere--

some sort of inheritance,

some life insurance on the husband...

something keeping her

off the street.

Maybe.

Then I noticed these photographs.

They're of this absoluteIy gorgeous

young woman. Very arty.

And they're by that

famous photographer.

You know the one.

Made a big stink

up in Washington.

- Oh, Jesus. The dead one?

- What's his name?

- Mapplecock.

- Yeah.

I'm looking at these photos...

and I realize that they're her.

They're her when she was younger,

when she was pregnant.

Get out.

So then, I'm looking at them,

I'm looking at her.

And she looks at me

and she just smiles.

Okeydoke.

Thanks again.

So this is your security code.

Just come with me.

I'll explain it.

Now you press the security code

in here.

When this little doohickey

starts flashing, right now...

you're in activated mode.

Now, if you want to leave,

you have to exit the front door...

and lock it within 90 seconds.

Then if you want

to deactivate it...

you just press in the code again,

and off.

Seems easy enough.

It is. It's very easy.

Just make sure

to explain the code to--

Howard.

He's at basketball practice.

- He won't be back for hours.

- Really.

You porking this broad?

Yeah, I got it.

It's red. It's hot.

You have to check it out.

Hello,

I'm with Grigoris Security.

I am sorry I'm late.

May I come in?

Of course.

No need to apologize.

- Come in.

- Thank you.

I am so very sorry.

- This is a beautiful house.

- Thank you.

Hello, I'm Thomas Hudler...

from Grigoris Home Security

Systems.

Nice to meet you.

May I be seated?

Would you like some coffee?

I wouldn't say no.

Lovely woman.

I'm sorry

if I've kept you waiting.

- This was her idea.

- Pardon me?

The whole thing was her idea.

What you're selling,

we don't need it.

I told her,

but she doesn't believe it.

Perhaps.

But if I might just--

All right.

Here we go.

- Thank you.

- Would you like some cream?

I told her to call you

and tell you not to come.

Just let the young man speak,

Henry.

As long as he's here, just--

Fine!

- Go ahead.

- Thank you.

Do you know that there is a burglary

in this country...

every ten seconds?

It's a frightening statistic.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes