The Apartment Page #9

SHELDRAKE:

And Mr. Kirkeby tells me that

several nights a week you work late

at the office -- without overtime.

BUD:

(modestly)

Well, you know how it is -- things

pile up.

SHELDRAKE:

Mr. Vanderhof, in Public Relations,

and Mr. Eichelberger, in Mortgage

and Loan -- they'd both like to

have you transferred to their

departments.

BUD:

That's very flattering.

Sheldrake puts the report down, takes off his glasses, leans

across the desk toward Bud.

SHELDRAKE:

Tell me, Baxter -- just what is it

that makes you so popular?

BUD:

I don't know.

SHELDRAKE:

Think.

Bud does so. For a moment, he is a picture of intense

concentration. Then --

BUD:

Would you mind repeating the

question?

SHELDRAKE:

Look, Baxter, I'm not stupid. I

know everything that goes on in

this building -- in every

department -- on every floor --

every day of the year.

BUD:

(in a very small voice)

You do?

SHELDRAKE:

(rises, starts pacing)

In 1957, we had an employee here,

name of Fowler. He was very popular,

too. Turned out he was running a

bookie joint right in the Actuarial

Department tying up the switchboard,

figuring the odds on our I.B.M.

machines -- so the day before the

Kentucky Derby, I called in the

Vice Squad and we raided the

thirteenth floor.

BUD:

(worried)

The Vice Squad?

SHELDRAKE:

That's right, Baxter.

BUD:

What -- what's that got to do with

me? I'm not running any bookie joint.

SHELDRAKE:

What kind of joint are you running?

BUD:

Sir?

SHELDRAKE:

There's a certain key floating

around the office -- from Kirkeby

to Vanderhof to Eichelberger to

Dobisch -- it's the key to a

certain apartment -- and you know

who that apartment belongs to?

BUD:

Who?

SHELDRAKE:

Loyal, cooperative, resourceful C.

C. Baxter.

BUD:

Oh.

SHELDRAKE:

Are you going to deny it?

BUD:

No, sir. I'm not going to deny it.

But if you'd just let me explain --

SHELDRAKE:

You better.

BUD:

(a deep breath)

Well, about six months ago -- I was

going to night school, taking this

course in Advanced Accounting --

and one of the guys in our

department -- he lives in Jersey --

he was going to a banquet at the

Biltmore -- his wife was meeting

him in town, and he needed someplace

to change into a tuxedo -- so I

gave him the key and word must

have gotten around -- because the

next thing I knew, all sorts of

guys were suddenly going to

banquets -- and when you give the

key to one guy, you can't say no to

another and the whole thing got out

of hand -- pardon me.

He whips out the nasal-spray, administers a couple of quick

squirts up each nostril.

SHELDRAKE:

Baxter, an insurance company is

founded on public trust. Any

employee who conducts himself in a

manner unbecoming --

(shifting into a new gear)

How many charter members are there

in this little club of yours?

BUD:

Just those four -- out of a total

of 31,259 -- so actually, we can be

very proud of our personnel --

percentage-wise.

SHELDRAKE:

That's not the point. Four rotten

apples in a barrel -- no matter how

large the barrel -- you realize

that if this ever leaked out --

BUD:

Oh, it won't. Believe me. And it's

not going to happen again. From now

on, nobody is going to use my

apartment --

In his vehemence he squeezes the spray bottle, which squirts

all over the desk.

SHELDRAKE:

Where is your apartment?

BUD:

West 67th Street. You have no idea

what I've been going through --

with the neighbors and the landlady

and the liquor and the key --

SHELDRAKE:

How do you work it with the key?

BUD:

Well, usually I slip it to them in

the office and they leave it under

the mat -- but never again -- I can

promise you that --

The phone buzzer sounds, and Sheldrake picks up the phone.

SHELDRAKE:

Yes, Miss Olsen.

INT. SHELDRAKE'S ANTEROOM - DAY

Miss Olsen is on the phone.

MISS OLSEN:

Mrs. Sheldrake returning your

call -- on two --

She presses a button down, starts to hang the phone up,

glances around to see if the typists are watching, then

raises the receiver to her ear and eavesdrops on the

conversation.

INT. SHELDRAKE'S OFFICE - DAY

Sheldrake is talking into the phone.

SHELDRAKE:

Yes, dear -- I called you earlier --

where were you? Oh, you took Tommy

to the dentist --

During this, Bud has risen from his chair, started inching

toward the door.

SHELDRAKE:

(turning to him)

Where are you going, Baxter?

BUD:

Well, I don't want to intrude --

and I thought -- since it's all

straightened out anyway --

SHELDRAKE:

I'm not through with you yet.

BUD:

Yes, sir.

SHELDRAKE:

(into phone)

The reason I called is -- I won't

be home for dinner tonight. The

branch manager from Kansas City is

in town -- I'm taking him to the

theatre Music Man, what else? No,

don't wait up for me -- 'bye,

darling.

(hangs up, turns to Bud)

Tell me something, Baxter -- have

you seen Music Man?

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