The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again

Wagon comin'!

Sound fire alarm!

Open the gates!

[Men Shouting]

Fire alarm! Fire alarm!

[Man]

On the double! Move it!

[Man]

Move it, soldiers! Fire, fire!

It's Shoshone again, sir.

- And our wagon.

- Yes, sir.

Private Higgins and Corporal Albright

took it to the supply depot last week.

This belonged

to Corporal Albright.

Must have hit them coming out

of Sam Young Canyon.

Stripped it and put the torch to it.

- Take care of the mounts, Corporal.

- Yes, sir.

Lieutenant Ravencroft,

in the last three months,

the army has lost...

over 40 cases

of Springfield carbines.

Twice that amount

of army issue handguns,

saddles, blankets and rations.

Enough to supply

two forts this size.

And all those thefts

occurred in territory under

the protection of this fort.

I realize that, sir.

I want you to mount

another patrol, Lieutenant.

Take as many men as you need,

the best scouts we have...

and find out what happened

to those supplies!

- Yes, sir.

- Jim...

I'm running out of explanations

to Washington.

If these raids don't stop...

it could mean...

my command here.

I understand, sir.

I'll leave immediately.

Boy, I sure miss Dusty, Donovan,

and the kids...

and that old dinner bell

ringing on the farm.

Now don't start again, Amos.

Is that how you want to

go down in the history books?

"After terrorizing the West,

they ended up as farmers...

milkin' cows

and collectin' eggs."

- Is that what you want?

- Well, no, not exactly, but...

boy, Dusty sure could make

those biscuits and honey.

You just stick with me.

I tell ya, Amos, people are gettin' rich

in these boom towns...

and there's no reason why a couple

of smart hombres like us...

- can't double or even triple

our stake overnight.

- Double?

We got $300.43 now.

If we double that tonight,

then we triple that

tomorrow night, that'd be, uh...

- that'd be... carry the one...

- Kind of gets you

to thinkin', don't it?

- Six... no, four... three...

- First thing we gotta do is

get ourselves spiffied up.

- Then we'll take this town

like Grant took Richmond.

- That's right.

I get ya now.

How do you think we go about...

Howdy.

Say, um, how do you figure

going about that?

Well, uh, I'm still workin'

on the particulars.

I'll tell you one thing: We ain't gonna

dry gulch no one no more.

Yeah, and you ain't

gonna get us mixed up

in none of those bank robberies.

- Shh.

- Shh.

You want every punk gunslinger

this side of the Rio Grande

callin' us out?

You mean, make a rep

for himself, Theodore?

Don't even use

our real names.

We don't want no trouble

with the law neither.

We're goin' straight

from now on, Pard.

We're gonna live

by our wits.

Wits?

Whoa.

Whoa, now.

- Miss Gaskill?

- Yes.

Yes, ma'am,

I'm Private Reid.

I was assigned to escort you.

Were all the officers busy?

Well, you see,

there've been some problems

at the fort, ma'am...

and I guess they were needed

for more important duties.

It's a bit warmer

than I expected.

I'd best get some lighter clothing

before we leave.

You can take care of this

in the meantime...

and get my things

from the stage.

[Braying]

Well, what do you think, Clarise?

Huh? Yeah?

What's the matter?

Don't you recognize me? It's me.

- [Braying Continues]

- Oh, that. Uh, here. Take a whiff.

That's Eau deJasmine.

Direct from "Paree".

You wanna stop talkin'

to that donkey?

- It's embarrassing.

- Yeah, oh.

Say, uh, Theodore...

uh, Pard...

I was wonderin', before we take

this town, I wonder if we could

have our picture took?

Might not be a bad idea.

Might look good

in the history books.

- Come on.

- [Donkey Braying]

Can't talk to you anymore.

It's embarrassing.

[Photographer]

There.

Does this have to be

this tight?

Well, the purpose of a brace is

so that you'll stay absolutely still.

I thought I was gonna be

crouched down, like I'm

gettin' the drop on somebody.

- Will you just listen to the man, Amos?

- And stay still.

Stay absolutely still.

[People Chattering]

[Braying]

What was that?

- Just take the picture.

- All right, now both of you

take a deep breath...

- [Inhaling]

- And hold it.

One, two...

[Braying]

- Whoa!

- Don't let him near my equipment!

Amos, stop her!

Oh, my beautiful things!

Get me out of this!

Get me out of this!

You're going to pay for it.

I'll make you pay for it.

- You're making a shambles of my studio!

- Right. Gotta pay for this.

You're going to pay

for every cent of this,

or I'll have the law on you.

Oh, dear.

And bring back my headrests.

Theyjust came from St. Louis.

We only been

in this town three hours...

and already we got $70 less

than we come here with...

thanks to you

and that dumb donkey of yours.

Yeah, don't worry. I got her

tied up in some alley. She

won't give us no more trouble.

Well, why didn't you just

stop her before she busted up

the whole place?

Because the guy taking

the picture said, "Take a

deep breath and hold it."

- Now how am I supposed to...

- Did you have to tell the man

we're the Apple Dumpling Gang?

- Apple Dumpling Gang!

- Well, you're the one who said

not to use our real names.

All right. From now on, just let me

do all the talking, okay?

Then we won't

get in these messes.

- Right. Okay, Theodore, uh, Pard.

- [Glass Breaking]

[All Shouting]

[Belches]

Why, you rotten...

Why, you filthy little...

[Grunts]

I don't tolerate hooligans

and rowdies.

And any cowboy...

who tries to hooraw this town...

will not live to regret it.

[Giggling]

Ladies.

[Boy]

Marshal Hitchcock, sir?

He's so handsome!

[Murmuring, Giggling]

- Who is that?

- Who's that?

Only Woolly Bill Hitchcock,

the fastest-shootin', toughest

marshal in the country.

You cross horns with him,

he'll track you to your grave.

What do you think?

Oh, we got nothin'

to worry about.

We're law-abidin'

citizens now.

Matter of fact,

first thing we're gonna do

is open a bank account.

Now, is that different

than openin' a safe?

- Come on.

- Probably.

Well, looks solid enough.

Couple of pilgrims

out front.

- Well, take what we got

and let's get out of here.

- In a minute.

I never made money

so fast in my life.

They're comin' in.

All right, don't get walleyed.

You'll smoke out Woolly Bill.

Close the door.

Come on!

[Man]

Help you gentlemen?

Yes. We'd like to make

one of them, uh...

deposits.

How much you want to donate...

deposit?

The whole kit

and caboodle:
$230.

- That much, huh?

- And, uh...

we want

a "recipe" for that.

You're nobody's fool.

I can see that.

Any time you gentlemen want

your money back, you just...

bring in this slip, and it'll be

cheerfully refunded...

- with interest.

- [All Laughing]

We're on our way

now, Pard.

[Man] Come on, Wes. Let's get

that money transferred.

Howdy.

- Howdy.

- Our president. A real go-getter.

- Give me a hand, Wes.

- You grab those two.

[Grunting]

Pleasure doin' business

with you gentlemen.

[Amos]

Thank you.

Wh-Where are you going

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