The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again Page #2

with the money?

Don't like to keep

too much cash in one place.

Just not good business.

[Man]

I told you you was tryin'

to take too much.

These horses got

all they can carry.

Put the rest on that jackass

and let's get outta here.

You know somethin'?

They forgot to stamp the date on there.

- Mm-hmm.

- I'll get that.

[Woman]

Help! Help! Help!

They're robbin' the bank!

The bank's been robbed!

Oh, blow it out your ear,

sheep lover!

[Gunfire]

Look out!

[Screams]

[Screaming Continues]

Look what you've done!

What do you mean? If it hadn't

been for me, you'd have been

trampled by those horses.

A train would have been

preferable to you!

Now get off of me!

- Well, let me give you a hand.

- [Screams]

- Let me get your bags.

- No!

Doesn't anybody understand

what I'm trying to tell ya?

- The bank has been...

- Calm down, woman.

While you have been

wearing out your mirror,

the bank's been robbed.

They went thataway, stupid!

Amos, we have been taken.

They stole every red cent

in this bank, includin' ours.

I'm gonna go report this to that

Marshal What's-His-Name. Come on.

[Grunts]

- Marshal, you're just the man

we were looking for.

- Hold it right there.

- Yeah, b-but there were

two men in here, and they th...

- All right, now.

Just turn around,

remove your guns...

and drop them...

- Huh?

- Nice and easy.

Want to show him this?

I said drop them.

[Bullets Ricocheting]

Ooh! Ow!

Marshal, I'm sorry.

We didn't...

Well, I'll be dipped.

They got Woolly Bill.

They outgunned

Woolly Bill Hitchcock!

[Laughing]

- Let's get outta here.

- [Laughing Continues]

It's a sight for sore eyes!

[Laughing]

Boy, if anybody sees us

in these fancy duds,

we're goners for sure.

You know, I knowed

we never should have

throwed away our clothes.

It was good

for another three years.

Oh, here's your shirt.

Somebody throwed

noodles in it.

[Crowd Murmuring]

Well, how'd they

do it, Woolly?

- They must've snuck up behind ya.

- Let's get you over to Doc Sykes.

[Laughing]

I knew it would happen!

I just knew it!

They finally did it.

They got Woolly Bill!

- Two dudes did it. I saw it myself.

- Uh, did you hear that?

- Two dudes.

- Uh, probably from back East.

Woolly had the drop on 'em,

and they still outgunned him.

They's faster than...

They's faster than

scalded cats, them two.

And I ain't crazy neither.

I saw it myself.

Yeah, uh, you actually saw

these two guys, is that right?

Well, I got to get

over to The Clarion...

and give my eyewitness report.

[Grunts]

[Laughing]

They did it!

They did it!

[Laughing Continues]

You know, since we went

straight, we're in more trouble

than we ever was.

- Can't we go back

to terrorizing the West?

- We can't go anywhere, stupid.

We don't have money

for train fare...

and we can't ride

that dumb donkey of yours,

'cause you can't find her.

Come on. Get dressed.

[Crowd Gasping]

They call theirselves

the Apple Dumpling Gang.

- They what?

- Well, that's what

they said, Mr. Hitchcock.

The Apple Dumpling Gang.

They's the same two

that outgunned ya, Woolly.

[Hitchcock]

Yes, I see them.

I saw 'em myself,

right after they shot the guns

out of your hands.

Hard to believe,

ain't it?

Did you really have

the drop on 'em, Mr. Hitchcock?

He sure did. And that's the donkey

the others lit out with.

Why, the gang

must have split up.

Those are the two I want.

I'll keep this, if you don't mind.

Oh, of course, Mr. Hitchcock.

Glad to help...

anyway that I can.

- Our picture's never gonna get

in the history books now.

- Oh, yes it will.

We'll go down as numbers 16 and 17

shot by Marshal Woolly Bill Hitchcock.

- Let's get out of here.

- Huh?

[Theodore]

You know, Amos...

we pulled a real slick one

on that Mr. Hitchcock feller.

He's gonna be ridin' all over

the country lookin' for

two dudes with checkered vests...

not a couple

ofhard cases like us.

I'd say

we got it pretty soft.

Even be better

if we had something to eat.

Don't worry about that

right now.

We just lay low

in this old barn till dark...

then we just slip out of town

and mosey off to other parts.

Ain't no way we're gonna be

tied up with that bank robbery.

[Braying]

- [Theodore]

Clarise?

- Clarise!

Now, wait.

Don't be mean to her.

That's our way

out of town.

Listen, people seen her

hightail it out with that bank money.

Now she comes follerin'you

around like a hungry pup.

It ain't gonna take Woolly Bill

long to put two and two together.

- Who's the other two?

- You and me and two ropes, that's who.

We gotta get rid of your mule

and ditch that bank money.

- I thought you said

we was goin' straight.

- Hush up. Let me think.

- Hey, Pard.

- Huh?

Is this how

you make a capital T?

What are you doin'?

- What's the capital T for?

- Theodore.

Don't put my name on it,

ya strawhead.

Just say, "Here's your money back,

and we're sorry we caused you

any inconvenience."

All right. Okay, that's, uh,

in... uh, incon...

Inconve... Inconven...

Uh, could I just say,

"No hard feelings"?

- Just forget that for now

and help me with this. Come on.

- Right.

[Grunting]

- You sure this is gonna work?

- You bet it's gonna work.

I got this figured out

real scientific-like.

Now, when I count to three,

we drop the bags, they swing

right through the bank door...

and Woolly Bill's got

his money back.

- That's as easy as fallin' off a log.

- Don't say that.

You ready?

One, two...

- Oh, I forgot the note.

- Three-ee-ee.

- [Theodore Screaming]

- Where ya goin'?

[Screaming Continues]

[Belches]

- [Screaming]

- I'll get ya. I got... Hey!

- [Screaming]

- Watch the window!

[Screaming]

- Give me your hand.

Give me your other hand.

- Hold me!

- Come on.

- Hold me, Amos, hold me.

Whoa!

[Groaning]

- [Man] Looks like his neck.

- [Man #2] Hey, Marshal,

let me help you here.

Don't touch me.

[Groaning]

He looks like

he's plumb hurt.

- [Muttering]

- Better get a doctor.

- [Grunting]

- I gotcha.

He got the money back,

just like you said he would.

- Yeah. Let's get out of here.

- Huh? Yeah.

- We're with you, Woolly.

- [Groaning]

[Grunts]

Thank you.

Yes, sir. We gotta

believe in this man.

- Get back.

- I don't see Clarise nowhere.

Will you forget about

that donkey?

We gotta put some distance

between us and this town...

or it's gonna be

our permanent residence.

And I mean permanent.

Follow me.

[Crowd Murmuring]

[Woman]

I just hope he doesn't go

into one ofhis long speeches.

Here's your rifle,

Mr. Hitchcock.

He's some kind

of lawman, ain't he?

[Man]

He's the man. He's the man

that's gonna get 'em.

You can do it.

- Will you kindly assist me?

- Gladly.

[Crowd Murmuring]

[Groaning]

All right.

Easy does it.

- Watch your step.

- [Groaning]

[Man]

Just look at him.

- That's a fine figure of a man.

- Here, here.

Because those two cringin'...

pusillanimous polecats...

returned some money...

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