The Apple Dumpling Gang Rides Again Page #3

they shall not escape

my vengeance.

Be assured, good citizens

ofJunction City...

I will not rest until...

the Apple Dumpling Gang...

is completely destroyed...

and removed from society.

- [Cheering]

- May I have my trusty steed,

young man...

if you don't mind?

Thank you.

That will do just fine, I believe.

Here we go.

[Groans]

[Man]

Watch out, there. Stand back.

[Man #2]

Give him some room.

That's it. Listen, listen.

I shall have

their carcasses...

back in this town

in two weeks.

- Two weeks.

- [Crowd Applauding]

You can come out now,

Miss Gaskill.

- Are you quite ready now?

- Oh, yes, ma'am. That was

the last case of champagne.

It's about time. I'll have

you know I'm not in the habit

of bein' kept waitin', Private.

- Well, after all,

it is for your party.

- Especially in this condition.

And furthermore,

in the future, Private...

I will expect an officer

to accompany me,

and not an enlisted man.

And you can rest assured...

[Dialogue Fades]

For heaven's sake!

[Groaning]

Are you certain

you're takin'the right road?

I've ridden all over, and

I've never experienced anything

that compares with this.

[Groaning Continues]

Oh, is this the first time

you've traveled this road?

Why, you rarely miss a rut.

Well, just shift in the saddle,

so to speak. It only hurts half as bad.

As soon as we get to Fort Concho,

my father's gonna hear all about this.

Well, if this comes

to a court-martial...

they might demand to see evidence

of your complaint.

You forget

your place, soldier.

- Giddyup, now. Ho!

- Merciful heavens.

Believe me, I fully intend

to give a detailed account

of your incompetence and your...

Uh-huh. Yes.

Appears we're on

the same trail, my dear.

With your permission...

I'll just let you

lead the way, hmm?

Whoa, now. Whoa.

And here we are.

Allow me.

- Millie!

- Oh, Dad!

- What's all this?

- You all right, darlin'?

- Daddy, you wouldn't believe

what I've been through.

- What happened, Millie?

- Oh, Jim...

- Well, come on in

and tell me all about it.

I'll be right with you, Millie.

I'll just get the bags.

Sergeant Slaughter?

- Yes, sir.

- Come here.

[Both Snoring]

- What is that?

- I don't know, sir.

Where did

they come from, Reid?

I have no idea, Sergeant.

- Well, get 'em out of there.

On their feet.

- Yes, sir.

We're moving.

We're moving.

Now, who in blazes are you,

and how did you get

in an army conveyance?

Don't answer that.

I'll do all the talking here, Amos.

And besides,

who wants to know?

I want to know!

You obviously don't know

who you're talking to, Little Boy Blue.

I like that.

Where is your horn, Little Boy Blue?

[Chuckles]

- Get some coffee in them, Sergeant.

- Yes, sir.

At ease.

Now, gentlemen, come

with me to the orderly room...

and I'll explain the benefits

of military life to you.

Free food, outdoor activity

in the fresh air...

the camaraderie

of soldiering...

and that great feeling

of belonging.

Now, gentlemen, come with me

and I'll help you...

with the little details

of joining our group.

Now you're talkin',

soldier boy.

After that, we'll take care

of another little detail.

[Jim]

Hey, you, trapper...

what do you got here?

I found him up there

just this side of timberline.

Just like this.

It's Flint and Quinn, sir.

Yeah, I been hearin' that...

military is payin' thirty dollars a head

for deserters, dead or alive...

- so I put in for...

- Thanks for bringing them in...

but that's all you get.

These two

were killed on duty.

- Take care of them, Corporal,

and bring those arrows to me.

- Yes, sir.

Just thanks?

That's all I get?

By gollies, l-l-I fetched them

a long ways.

Seems like you oughta... do...

somethin' for somebody.

Gets so you can't hardly...

trust nobody no more.

Come on, boy. Let's go.

And you're certain

they're Shoshone.

Well, it could be Paiute, sir,

but they're not usually this far west.

Then why can't we find

any sign of them?

Where did they get to?

- What was in the wagon?

- Blankets, rifles, sidearms.

Well, that'll be

sold to renegades.

- Put 'em with the other evidence.

- Yes, sir.

Jim.

I don't know what

I'm gonna tell Washington.

Uh, yes, sir.

[Horse Whinnies]

Halt. Who's there?

Identify.

Halt!

Corporal of the guard!

Corporal of the guard!

We got a deserter!

Check back there.

Secure the gates!

Who is it?

I don't know, sir.

- Check the stables

and sound assembly immediately.

- Yes, sir.

There he is!

What are you doing

with these?

When you've been

bucked and gagged

for a few days...

you'll feel more

communicative, soldier.

Put him in the guardhouse.

Double the guard.

Company ready

for inspection, Corporal?

- Ready for inspection, Sergeant.

- I'll conduct the inspection.

[Snoring]

- Is this company ready

for inspection, Corporal?

- Sorry, Sergeant.

[Snoring Continues]

Did 'ems have

a nice nap?

Because we don't want

our new recruits to be

cranky all day, do we?

- No, sir.

- When the corporal ordered

inspection arms...

he meant everybody.

Everybody!

Yes, sir. Yes, uh...

Oh, uh...

I'll just...

The order was for

inspection of arms, soldier!

- Ooh!

- Sergeant!

Get... Get back in ranks!

Corporal, put these men

on a trash detail for one month.

Now you listen to me.

For the next ten years, you are mine.

Do you understand?

Mine!

And I'm going to make

soldiers out of you if I have

to kill you in the process.

Corporal, take over.

I didn't have

a very good night's sleep.

For talking in ranks,

one month on the wood detail!

He didn't know

about that rule, sir.

One month on the stable detail

for both of you!

And report to me

after this formation.

- Actually, it was his fault.

- And one month on kitchen

police in the officers' mess!

[Violins]

You outdid yourself,

Ravencroft.

Yes, it's going to be quite

an evening, isn't it? I want

everything to go perfectly.

You do plan to announce

your engagement this evening.

- I certainly do. I only hope

that everything goes...

- Oh, there she is now.

Excuse me.

[Man]

You two.

[Knocking]

You two.

Give me a hand?

Take this in there,

put it in the center of the table...

and be careful.

Careful! Don't wiggle.

Don't spill it!

Be careful, you guys.

[Banjo]

Cake.

You're spilling it.

[Braying]

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Just officers and their friends.

I am an officer.

I'm a peace officer, and I'm looking

for the Apple Dumpling Gang.

- And there they are.

- [Braying]

Hands up.

[Growling]

- How'd he ever find us here?

- Your mule, that's how.

Restrain that man!

[Gaskill]

Hold him, Corporal.

We're never gonna make

corporal now.

We ain't even

gonna make roll call.

I tracked 'em!

They're mine! Mine!

Get the fire brigade!

- [Men Shouting]

- Let's get out of here.

[Screaming]

Ooh!

What's going on here?

Oh, I might have known it.

Get some water

and put out this fire!

- Over there!

- Water! Water. Oh.

[Shouting Continues]

[Bell Ringing]

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