The Aristocrats

"The joke leads me down one path" | and then it switches the path on me suddenly,

and it hits me with a hammer.

It's just, "Here we go, "folks. "

You have outstretched yourself when you're | doing it right, on making it as horrific as you "can. "

- And bam! | - Fan them with as polite a title as you "can. "

- The "Aristocrats. " | - The "Aristocrats. "

- The "Aristocrats. " | - What?

I've heard the "joke. " | But I don't remember what was so "bad. "

I remember that I... fainted.

That joke's been "around. " | The Aristocrats is a "classic. "

They told it on the Nina or the Pinta or Santa | Maria when Columbus was crossing the "ocean. "

I think Lincoln told me, I'm not quite "sure. "

I was at the theatre at the time, I was an "usher. "

Of all the jokes to do a documentary about, | you chose this one?

"There was the Secret Society - | Chevy Chase, Michael O'Donoghue.

John Belushi and some others.

They had this coven of people | who would tell this joke over and over "again. "

Chevy Chase supposedly used to have "parties. " | And the criteria was,

you had the mom, the dad, the son, | the daughter, and a "dog. "

And you had to talk with some combination | of that without repeating "yourself. "

If you repeated yourself, you were "out. "

The idea was we gotta break a half an "hour. "

We gotta get - we gotta make this joke | last more than half an "hour. "

I don't know whether they ever "did. " | O'Donoghue came "close. "

But died in the "attempt. "

Not well known.

I heard Michael O'Donoghue did it | for 90 minutes "once. "

It's the only joke I know that people talk about.

I'm always shocked when people | don't know this "joke. " It's "pervasive. "

It's a burlesque kind of a "joke. "

It had been kicked around a "lot. "

I remember it - | the same you remember any "first. "

Like the first time | you hear a cut from a Lenny Bruce "album. "

Shocking! You'd never heard "that. "

I heard it from a gentleman | who ran Second City in "Chicago. "

...UCLA, working on the humour magazine, | the editor told me the "joke. "

- Bill Hicks - that's where I heard "it. " | - I first heard the Aristocrats while doing blow

in Catch A Rising Star with Richard "Belzer. "

This joke is a friend of every comedian | in the "world. "

I first went to the Improv nightclub | in New York in '73.

Did some stand-up comedy, | became the manager,

and got to meet | the best young comedians of that time.

Got a real education in the comedy world.

One of the things that was consistent | wherever you went was "the... "

Aristocrats "joke. "

I had heard about the Aristocrats "joke. "

We do comedy | and we work places that have comedy,

but we're also in the magic world, | so we're kind of observers of the comedy "world. "

There was always a secret handshake | "of... " of a whole culture thing,

that was, to me, | symbolised by the joke, the "Aristocrats. "

I don't think comics should be that proud, | quite frankly,

about repeating a joke | that's been going on since

Bud Friedman opened the first Improv | next to the "pyramids. "

You dig?

Comedians didn't tell this kind of joke on "stage. "

How many people tell jokes on stage?

People usually have routines | or they string together small "observations. "

You don't do joke-jokes on stage "ever. " | That's a kiss of "death. " You're viewed as a "hack. "

You know the way those urban legends go?

People always knew somebody | who saw this guy doing "it. "

But I never saw anyone performing "it. "

It's a kind of joke you love telling other "comics. "

We told them to each "other. " | Not to do with our "act. "

It was the kind of thing that you would share | with the "musicians. "

It just remained in the business, swirling "round. "

- Funnier stuff happened after the audience "left. " | - We're "different. " We're in "here. " There's no "rules. "

Headmaster's home, we had the | dormitory to "ourselves. " "Wait till you hear "this. "

I have a recollection of the joke being told | at about five o'clock in the morning

for a bunch of "comedians. "

You always saved it - like a "powerhouse. "

It was one of those toppers you could pull "out. "

There was almost like a chorus of the punch | "line. " "And what's it called?"

But the jokes that we loved telling, | and the jokes I always loved,

were jokes that have this body of performance | in the "middle. "

It's a show-offy, kind of an inside thing | for performing "comics. "

Garry Shandling told it to me as the way I told it, | word for word,

at the Emo, which is like playing | the telephone "game. "

There's the basic framework, but then every | comedian puts his own imprimatur on the "joke. "

And really makes it their "own. "

I don't know the standard telling of this joke | any more, it's "lost. "

Well, it's a vaudeville "agent. "

Jay Marshall is the definitive joke-teller on that,

even though he's not known as a comedian,

because he is from the variety "arts. "

Jay Marshall turns out to be the one who tells | the Aristocratsjoke for the Legman book.

It's the last story in the "book. "

He gets the whole thing across | in a few "sentences. "

A vaudeville agent is interviewing acts, | and an act comes "in. "

He says, "What do you do?"

"Well, my wife and I come out and take | our clothes off and we sh*t on the stage

and the kids come out and wallow in "it. "

He says, "What kind of an act do you call that?"

He says, "We call it the "Aristocrats. "

The joke "sucks. " You suck for having the idea | of putting this on a "documentary. "

I hate the "joke. "

A piece of sh*t stolen... pretend to be "humour. "

Although the premise is "funny. " | Let me "just... "

Let me backtrack just a "bit. "

Well, it's a perfectly crafted "joke. "

A two-word punch "line. "

And since the middle is open | you can do anything with "it. "

It's like a jazz "theme. " There's the basic melody | but anybody can improvise on "it. "

And I cannot remember for the life of me, | what the details of the act "were. "

I just knew as I was hearing it | you could do what you want with "it. "

As long as you got to the, | "What do you call the act?" "The "Aristocrats. "

You just wanna shock the people

so when you come back, the juxtaposition | of their name becomes the "laugh. "

It's filled with "vulgarity. "

Not kind of vulgar, "it's... " it's "revolting. "

It's disgusting, and then the punch "line. "

And then the punch line is sort of "uplifting. "

The more vulgar it is, | the more ironic becomes the punch "line. "

The more grotesqueries, the better of "it. "

That's the craft, | the art is how you make that "turn. "

That's the thing you can't "bottle. " | That's a performance "thing. "

Guy goes into the agent's office and he says,

"I've got an act for "you. " Wait till you hear "this. " | "Tell me a little about"it. "What's the act?"

He says, "My wife and I come out on "stage. "

I've taken a lot of medicine,

prior to the "appearance. "

And I've eaten a lot of cabbages and "things. "

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