The Avengers Page #5

STEED:

I take your point.

Emma takes off her mask.

EMMA:

Do you?

STEED:

Yes indeed. I need protection.

60 EXT. SIGN - DAY

"Trubshaw's of Jermyn Street, since 1756." Steed's Jag parked in front -- of course

there's a space. Getting out

EMMA:

I thought we were on our way.

STEED:

Oh, absolutely, but Trubshaw's a man

worth meeting. No point setting out

half shod.

EMMA:

(dry)

Or half cocked.

61 CLOSEUP - TRUBSHAW

slips Steed's hand-made shoes an. The "lasts" shapes of shoes beside him -- bear

Steed's name.

STEED:

I couldn't agree more. Thank you,

Trubshaw.

TRUBSHAW:

(significantly)

Very good, Mr. Steed.

WIDEN to reveal:

62 INT. TRUBSHAW'S GENTLEMEN'S SHOP - DAY

A bull moose's antlers. A horned rhino. A Leopard. A tiger. Then next to them, in a

wall of hunting trophies Emma paces impatiently beneath them. Shop assistants attend

in tails and wing-collars, very old school tie. Steed emerges helped into a new flashy

waistcoat ...

EMMA:

(gags at the waistcoat)

Steed, we really must be --

STEED:

(relishing his shoes)

Ahh. Perfect fit. The luxury of a

hand-made shoe. As unique as a face

or a fingerprint. Or should I say DNA?

63 BEHIND DISPLAY

Eyes watching Emma and Steed rise ...

EMMA:

You can but I wish you wouldn't ...

STEED:

Thank you, Trubshaw ...

A youngish man -- in black polo neck, Beatle-cut mop, pauting lips, smart suit, druggy

high-pitched giggle. BAILEY, a cocky, cool psychopath. He watches Steed and

Emma leave ...

... and saunters after them ... CAR ROAR OVER.

64 EXT. LONDON STREETS - DAY

as the Jag races through them, heading for the country.

EMMA (V.O.)

That place is so absurd, so out of date ...

STEED (V.O.)

Do you really think so?

Another car follows them ... as they pass Buckingham Palace, now painted pink and

guarded by female grenadiers ...

65 SIGN

reading:
"Scotland" with an arrow, as Steed and Emma zoom past in the Jag ...

STEED (V.O.)

Press that button, would you?

Tea?

66 CLOSEUP - SPECIAL DASHBOARD COMPARTMENT

opens, revealing a tea service: a samovar of tea, feeding into a pre-warmed pot,

pouring into two china cups ...

WIDEN to reveal:

67 INT. JAG - DAY

Emma, reacts, pours from the samovar ...

STEED:

Sorry. Didn't mean to interrupt

your flow of oratory ...

Steed's JAG BACKFIRES again as at the beginning ...

EMMA:

You know what I mean. This car

-- and you. Nobody walks around

like that. Milk?

STEED:

Not all Tradition is bad, Mrs.

Peel. No thank you.

She hands over a cup.

EMMA:

But why? What's the point?

STEED:

A Gentleman has to have a code.

This is part of mine. A uniform.

Think of it as my suit of shining

armor.

EMMA:

And I suppose you're the knight.

STEED:

The most unpredictable piece on

the board. And always ready to

protect his queen.

EMMA:

That's predictable. When I find

a queen in need of protection

I'll let you know.

Steed looks in the mirror. Behind them, a car. Tailing?

STEED:

I'm hoping you will.

He puts his foot down. Zoom ...

68 EXT. COUNTRYSIDE - DAY

Towards picturesque Scotland. The JAG ROARS by - then the other car ...

69 INT. JAG - DAY

Emma consults a list, reads --

EMMA:

Sir August Merryweather ... why

are we seeing him first?

STEED:

As per mother's instructions.

EMMA:

Do we always follow Mother's

instructions?

STEED:

For a man in my position --

EMMA:

Just what is your position, if you don't

mind my asking. How did a stuffed

shirt like you get into this line of work?

STEED:

(smiles)

They call me in when they've reached a

dead end. Freelance. Like yourself.

EMMA:

I have no choice. Why should you

risk your life?

STEED:

After our fencing match, I was rather

hoping you would do the risking.

More tea?

EMMA:

No thanks.

STEED:

I meant me.

Emma takes in Steed's evasive answers. Sighing, she pours.

70 EXT. HIGHLANDS - DAY

The Jag winds around Loch Ness, followed by the car.

STEED (V.O.)

According to Mother, Sir August owns

half of the Highlands. A millionaire.

Former head of Special Projects at the

Ministry. Now ...

EMMA (V.O.)

An eccentric recluse?

71 INT. JAG - DAY

STEED:

Not so much eccentric. More barking

mad. He has a wife called June. And

a daughter somewhere -- Julie.

EMMA:

June, July ... August?

STEED:

The family does seem to be somewhat

meteorologically inclined.

EMMA:

Any other vices?

STEED:

All of a piece, really. A fanatical

weatherman. Chairman of BROLLY.

(off her look)

British Royal Organisation For

Lasting Liquid Years. Thinks British

weather has been tampered with

by ... aliens.

Emma takes this in.

EMMA:

So ... I distract him while you snoop

around? How?

STEED:

Small talk. Try the weather.

72 EXT. HUGE COUNTRY HOUSE - DAY

Steed and Emma speed up to the huge open main gates

Signs:
"Private: No Admittance." Guards in hunting gear and plus fours, with loaded

rifles. They start up the drive ...

Several peacocks on the lawn fan open their beautiful tails.

One of them, a mechanical peacock whose thousand eyes CLICK with the WHIR of a

CAMERA ...

The other car pulls in behind. Inside, reveal Bailey watching them.

73 INT. MANOR HOUSE CORRIDOR - DAY

On a tartan carpet, a SCOTTIE BARKS furiously at a set of EXPIRING BAGPIPES

on the floor. PAN UP to reveal:

A BUTLER leading Emma down the corridor --

-- where she admires the eccentric fixtures, pausing to note a large teddy bear outfit

with tartan trimmings instead of the usual suit of armor.

EMMA:

Original ...

BUTLER:

This way, miss ...

EMMA:

Missus ...

He opens the double doors, admitting Emma into

74 INT. A LARGE ROOM

of semi-tropical climate. Jungle plants, parakeets, snakes. Walls lined with display

cabinets and bell jars: stuffed birds, butterflies, spiders. A thermometer reads:

100 degrees with high humidity. The Butler leaves.

Emma fans herself. Nobody in the roam. But hears a sound of RAINFALL from a

smoked glass conservatory.

EMMA:

Sir August ... ? Sir August ... ?

VOICE (O.S.)

Eh? In here!

Emma follows the SOUND, steps cautiously forward.

75 INT. CONSERVATORY

beneath a sprinkler system of torrential rain, an old man splashes in bizarre rubber togs.

Emma stays cool.

EMMA:

I've come to apply for membership

in Brolly --

SIR AUGUST:

(shouts above the tempest)

You don't get rain like you used to in

England. A good shower that's the ticket.

Stiffens resolve, puckers the spirit, quells

the namby-pamby in a man.

SIR AUGUST steps out of the shower and wind machine. A belted rubber macintosh,

flippers, goggles. He starts to disrobe, the NOISE DIES DOWN --

EMMA:

I so agree. How did you acquire a

taste for it?

SIR AUGUST:

Out in India. So character-forming for the

British. Not the heat. Good Lord, no. The

rain, dash it. A good monsoon. Fifteen

inches overnight. A whole week of lovely

rain. I remember one summer in Jaipur ...

Sir August removes his goggles, recognizes her.

SIR AUGUST:

You

EMMA:

Have we met?

SIR AUGUST:

You mean you don't recall??

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