The Avengers Page #7

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

You have all given time, money and expertise

to achieve our goal. But we are reaching a

new phase of our operation. From today,

many of you will no longer be needed. I have

to warn you ...

Dismay from the teddy bears. As a CUCKOO CLOCK RINGS OUT,

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

A cuckoo. The first sign of spring, and ...

A cuckoo in our nest. Our organization is

no longer secret. Agents are investigating

us. Their names are John Steed and Emma

Peel. I believe we have a traitor among us

... perhaps more than one ...

Uproar from the teddy bears. Shouts of "Who?" (*PS: One of the Teddys is a giant

rabbit who seems especially alarmed).

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

That remains to be seen. When we find

the traitors, they will be dealt with severely.

TEDDY BEAR #l

These agents. Where are they?

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

Here. In this building. By our estimate, they

will enter this room in thirty-five point five

seconds precisely ...

Panic. The bears scramble to go, bumping into each other.

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

I am sorry the party is over. But we

shall meet again.

To each of you a gift. A token of

my appreciation.

In front of the teddy bears, each one receives a present wrapped up in paper with a pink

and silver bow.

The tartan teddy opens his up: A snow scene. Anxious moans.

88 INT. BUILDING - NIGHT

UP and inside fire staircase, Emma and Steed run up -- Open the door to the

conference room. The CUCKOO RINGS on their entry. To FIND an empty room.

Only the party detritus plus little teddy bears sitting where formerly the big ones sat; the

teddy bear picnic MUSIC PLAYING again OVER ...

One snow shaker left. Steed picks it up: Inside it:

89 TINY EMMA PEEL

in black leather.

STEED (O.S.)

For you, Mrs. Peel.

90 BACK TO SCENE

Emma stares at it. Turns it over: an address.

EMMA:

Another invitation. 38 Marlborough

Terrace ...

91 INT. EMBASSY (BELGRAVIA) - NIGHT

Inside number 38, a deserted Eastern bloc embassy. A dilapidated hammer and sickle

tapestry in tatters. Old spy techno-junk lies discarded in elegant living rooms.

Steed and Emma open the door, rush inside.

They search for clues. A cigar left in an ashtray. Steed picks it up with distaste.

Then moves over to the wine rack, picks up a vintage bottle of champagne --

STEED:

(admiringly)

Hm ... A Veuve-Cliquot '56 ...

(then puzzled)

But he bites the end of his

Monte Cristos ... ?

(frowning)

Clearly, we're dealing with a

maniac.

Meanwhile, Emma goes into the --

92 NEXT ROOM - EMMA'S POV

where she sees a blob of BUBBLING GUNK, like radioactive chewing gum. A few

pieces of charred clothing tell us this was once a man in a teddy bear outfit.

93 BACK TO SCENE

Steed enters behind her, examines the gunk.

STEED:

Colonel Crabtree. International

Satellite Systems. Formerly of

the Ministry.

EMMA:

How on earth can you tell?

Steed holds up the inside of a battered shoe: the name.

STEED:

Elementary, Mrs. Peel. Trubshaw

isn't the only shoemaker still

practicing his trade ...

EMMA:

Very good, Steed ...

A MEWLING SOUND.

EMMA:

What's that?

Leaving Steed to ponder the remains, Emma goes into

94 ANOTHER ROOM

Dark. Switches on the light. And gasps.

95 STEED

looks up as Emma emerges with -

A Leopard cub. Steed raises his brolly.

STEED:

What on earth?

EMMA:

Any ideas?

STEED:

Well, he was a fellow of the Royal

Zoological Society ...

EMMA:

Is that written in his shoe?

STEED:

(smug)

Common knowledge, Mrs. Peel ...

EMMA:

(shrugs)

She had this in her mouth. There,

there...

Cooing to the cub, Emma tosses to Steed -- another snowshaker. Inside -- another

address:
84 Cadogan Place.

STEED:

Not again. There's got to be

another. way to go about this.

96 EXT. CADOGAN PLACE APARTMENT BUILDING (KNIGHTSBRIDGE) -

NIGHT:

Down a sheer wall Emma Peel abseils with rope and crampons. Before gliding through

an open French window --

97 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT

Emma investigates. Nobody there. She looks 'round. Military memorabilia. Busts of

Napoleon and Charlemagne. Looks inside drawers. Desks. Meanwhile --

98 INT. STEED'S JAG - NIGHT

Steed feeds a carton of milk to the leopard, who is a handful ... licking, pawing him ...

STEED:

Now, now ...

(sings)

'I can't give you anything but

love, baby...'

99 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT

Emma searching ...

100 OUTSIDE FLAT DOOR100

a key in lock. Door opens. Silence.

101 INSIDE - EMMA

finds a snowshaker. About to look underneath. Hears a NOISE. Looks up, in front of

her in the mirror, sees -A giant teddy behind her. Ready to strike --

Emma swivels 'round, a fluid balletic motion, and --

Bam! A kick to the teddy's stomach. Then off balance, Emma hurls him over her

shoulder, darts in to pin the teddy to the ground as --

The teddy grabs Emma's legs, flings her off balance. She falls. Teddy grabs a military

sabre from the wall, and Woosh! Slices through air at Emma's head. She ducks. The

sabre skims her hair. Emma grabs another sabre; the fight is on!

Emma counterattacks. Slashes with the sabre and the teddy's head goes flying off!

Jesus. The torso stands unsteadily.

Emma's eyes widen as:

A man's head emerges from the teddy torso.

Emma's so surprised, he can slug her ...

Emma's out.

102 INT. STEED'S JAG - NIGHT

so is Steed and the Leopard -- both asleep. A little milk dribbles down Steed's chin ...

103 INT. KNIGHTSBRIDGE FLAT - NIGHT

The man goes to the other room. Starts to take off the rest of his teddy costume.

Throws clothes into a suitcase.

The PHONE. Terrified, the Man picks it up ... The voice ...

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

Naughty teddy ...

MAN:

No! You can't ...

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

Ask not for whom the telephone

rings, it rings for thee ...

MAN:

But I've got rid of her. She's ...

VOICE (V.O.)

(filtered)

Go to the window ... To the window.

Teddy moves to the open window. Sudden PAIN. LIGHTNING.

Teddy looks up in terror as a purple cloud releases another BOLT. Direct hit. The

teddy slumps to the ground. Soggy, waterlogged, very dead. Kinda like the

other guy ...

104 IN OTHER ROOM

Meanwhile Emma wakes up. Turns the corner. Towards the other room, sees dead

Teddy. Reads the label on his suitcase ...

EMMA:

Major D'Arcy ... ?

105 OVER HER SHOULDER

from the window behind her like a spider on glass appears another "Emma" --

-- let's call her Bad Emma -- coming straight for Emma. She makes a NOISE. Emma

turns just in time to see.

EMMA:

Well, well. If it isn't me ...

Emma starts towards her double, who hesitates, then turns, leaping out the window ...

she wears the same black catsuit.

The real Emma rushes, follows her "double"

Clambers outside to rappel up the line to

106 EXT. ROOFTOPS - NIGHT

Emma looks. Beneath a starlit sky criss-crossed by wires, a rooftop maze of buildings,

flanked by giant gargoyles -- goblins, lions, griffins -- over twinkling lights ...

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