The Babymoon

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1

Have you guys seen

the new Kate Winslet movie?

It's great.

You should check it out.

Apparently I'm told

I look just like her.

And hopefully my acting career

will take off just like hers.

That is not gonna help.

She wants your autograph signed

with her pencil skirt.

It's okay, she'll get the hint.

I'll get you guys some sugar.

I think I'm gonna be sick.

What?

The little guy?

What, the waitress?

She's only doing that

because she thinks

I'm gonna call my agent

and tell him I found

the next Jennifer Lawrence

on my flight to Cartegentina.

Oh, oh, oops, I'm so sorry, sir.

Is everything okay?

Um, no, can we get

a ginger ale, please?

No, it's fine.

I don't need one.

Oh, is the little one

creating a fuss?

How far along are you, sugar?

Way too far to put a stop to it.

I think this trend

of having a Babymoon

is just absolutely fabulous.

Well, it's the last vacation

you're going to have

for the next 20 years

of child-rearing

responsibility.

My acting coach

in fort worth, Texas,

who reads a lot

of Stella Adler...

Thank you for your advice,

but we can do without

the down-home wisdom.

I simply asked for a drink,

so if you could go get that,

- bring it unopened, please, okay?

- Mm-hmm.

And if you could please stop

touching me, that would be great.

- Thank you.

- Right away, sir.

Unopened.

You are such a dick.

Yeah, but I'm your dick, honey.

Hey, you like?

Like our country?

You like the country?

We go one way and now

we go a better way.

- Watch out there.

- The little puppies.

I know.

They're totally gonna

cross the street.

Why's it at...

Mmm, I don't think

he has any plans

is the problem here.

That was almost as long

as that flight.

- Sir.

- Si.

Here.

Buy a map, please.

- Thank you very much, seora.

- Thank you.

- Uh, Mr. and Mrs.

- Yes.

- Homer Simpson.

- In your mind, maybe,

but in my computer, no would.

Which, it does not exist.

- Just give the passports.

- It's okay. It's okay, I got it.

It's okay, it's our

celebrity cover name.

I... I just wanna

get back to the room.

Okay.

Thank you very much

Mr. William Trah-say...

- Mickey Vann? Mickey Vann?

- Yep.

- Mickey Vann?

- I get it.

- Don't get VH1.

- Um, just ensure that we're on

the first or second floor.

I just get really dizzy.

I have you

in the premier bungalow.

Is that first, third,

you know, second, maybe?

Technically speaking,

it's on the third floor,

but you feel like you're on...

The floor that you are on.

- It'll be okay, baby.

- Do you have a um...

- A Bao?

- Yes.

There is some, please.

To your left, then make a right.

And then make a right.

If you get lost,

just say Bao, por favor.

- Just say Bao.

- Bao, por... fine.

Yes, you look very nice,

so they will sense

that you mean "por favor,"

even if you don't say it.

Left, right, left.

De nada.

Hasta Lu ego.

So, I couldn't notice

that she has a...

- Baby?

- Is yours?

- Si.

- Okay, muy bien. Felicidades!

At least I'm not done yet.

Yes. No.

Best zip line for family.

- Honey.

- You should love it.

I cannot do a zip line.

- Why?

- It's not safe.

Cartegentina's

best rock climbing.

Safe.

You know what, it's okay, baby.

You know what we'll do?

We'll get dressed, we'll go in.

We'll go to the booze cruise,

we'll get our dance on.

Hmm?

Shaka, Shaka, Shaka.

Sounds like fun for you.

- Oh, right, you get motion sickness.

- Yeah.

It's okay, we'll just...

We'll get changed,

we'll go lie by the pool.

Yeah, thanks.

Ooh'. Not bad for a third

world country, huh?

This room is way

over our budget.

Oh, honey, you've gotta

see these aboriginals

with their fancy masks.

Is it Mardi Gras over here?

Uh, no, those are gas masks.

Yeah, people are preparing for

the political demonstrations

against our not-very-effective

government.

That was not

on the trip Advisor review.

Oh-oh, yeah,

fight the man, huh?

Poof. Yeah, you gotta

explode that one.

Oh, okay.

Um, check with the concierge.

He will make sure that you see

all of the beauty of the island

without any of its,

you know, ugliness.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Did I... if I did something

to displease you I didn't...

Please check out Ricco's bistro.

Chef Ricco's ceviche

was rated number four

in gourmet international magazine.

He's very good.

- Okay.

- Gracias.

What's ceviche?

It's raw fish.

I can't eat it.

Hi, yes, can you please send

someone a little more qualified

to send the rest

of our baggage? Thanks.

A little bit harsh.

She was already coming onto you.

Hanna, honey, that's

a little bit paranoid.

Do not call me that.

Seriously.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Honey, see this?

This window?

- This is a separate country.

- Yes.

They have their own

cultures and customs, hmm?

But this is our time

and we can do whatever we want.

And if you want

a little bit of this,

- you know what I'm saying, sugar?

- Mm-mmm.

Mm-mmm.

Okay.

What color do you think

for the pool, honey?

- Come here.

- It's okay.

I don't wanna make you do

something you don't wanna do.

Oh.

Oh! Okay, yeah,

this is happening.

Okay, we're goin' for it.

No, it's okay, honey, it's okay.

We're okay.

We're okay.

- It's safer that way.

- I bet.

What about your jewelry?

Not worth it.

I like your designs.

I thought I was getting away

from the jackals.

Looks like I brought you

right to the den.

Okay, hold on.

Let me just get my footing.

- Oh!

- It's okay, honey.

- I don't want you to fall back.

- Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- Yup.

We're just making a scene.

No, I'm not.

Don't worry.

Whale has beached.

Do you mind?

Ceviche rude.

Okay.

A**hole.

A**hole, yes.

Do you know who that is?

Who, what?

- That's Fabrice Mancini.

- I should know him from...

Do you know friends," two and

a half men, " Seinfeld?

- Yeah, of course. Okay, he had nothing

- to do with those,

but he always had a knack

for getting his lower grade

sitcoms to air right after them.

- Made a fortune.

- That's great.

Well, maybe he'll recognize you

and you'll feel right at home.

- Uh!

- What are you doing?

- Is he looking?

- No.

I'm gonna go to the pool.

- Do you want help?

- Nope, I got it.

I'm good, thanks.

You look great, honey.

Mi Amore.

At least you'll be pretty

like your father.

- I like that.

- Do that next time.

Oh, okay.

Just make sure

that you send it out...

What the hell is going on here?

Honey,

I'm... I... I...

Hanna, honey,

it's just the receipt.

It's for a couple of drinks.

I can't drink.

No, baby, it's not for you.

It's for Fabrice.

Huh? It's a classy move, right?

Sending over drinks and he

has to at least thank me.

Gives me an opening.

There it is.

Hey, sir, this gentleman

down there sent these for you.

- Uh!

- Bastards.

Hey, kid, what's your name?

- Diago.

- Diago.

How would you like to make

this many pesos?

- I'm gonna go back to the room.

- Hey, great idea, honey.

Rest up for dinner,

we're here to relax.

I need you to go over

to those girls

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