The Babymoon Page #2

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and tell them that you saw

someone famous.

- Okay.

- Okay?

Wait, wait, wait, wait,

wait, um, maybe, uh,

maybe "famous"

is too pretentious.

- Really cool.

- Really cool, okay.

Wait, wait, wait, um,

"in awe-inspiring way."

What does this mean?

Like, uh, wow, wow.

- Wow.

- Wow, wow.

Wow, wow, wow.

- Wow.

- Wow, wow, wow.

Wow. Okay, okay.

Okay, okay.

Hola, seora.

Oh, sh*t.

I am so sorry.

The Jewel is fine.

More importantly, miss,

are you all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm fine.

That jewelry

is absolutely beautiful.

May I ask who the designer is?

Uh, it's me, actually.

- Absolute ly breathtaking.

- Thank you.

I have a small line

in a boutique in Los Angeles.

I will pay for any damage

there is to that bracelet.

Not necessary.

I'm the buyer for this store.

We have many hotel chains at all

the top resorts across the world

and I would like to talk

to you about your line.

- No.

- Yes.

Wait, really?

Unless you're not interested.

- Excuse me.

- Can I help you?

Yeah! You, you...

I saw you over there

you look like a boxer.

- I'm a golden Glover.

- No kidding.

- Yes, sir.

- Golden gloves.

Trace Mcevans!

Dio mio.

May I please have

your autograph?

Uh, yeah, certainly. You know, hey,

happens all the time, you know?

Especially in the larger

entertainment markets.

I mean, glad to see that my

1.2 million view er base

is growing internationally.

Here you go, kid.

First famous autograph, hmm?

Actually, I got Bono's

autograph last month.

He was here

for a benefit concert.

Are you as famous as bono?

That's a good question.

I, uh, I, too,

am in a famous band.

Wait, like a band like U2?

Well, no, we only had

the one album,

but our sous,

"hard rock from the heart,"

was number one for five weeks,

three of them consecutive.

Stop the show!

Yes, I know who you are.

You're famous for... what?

Uh, you know, I did

a little bit of TV hosting,

I was in a band.

He's famous for cheating.

Somebody can be famous for this?

You heard him.

Every week a million people

would tune in to watch

his shitty reality show.

Uh! You should have seen it.

They take this d-list

celebrity couple,

they stick him in the house,

fill it with morally dubious

cable TV floozies,

while his girlfriend

watches everything

happening on a monitor.

Uh! It was brutal.

Ooh! And the best part,

be modest...

Let me guess, he cheated?

With every single one of them.

Wow.

Class act.

What was your nickname?

What did they call you?

You were the prince of penis,

or, um, royal d*ckhead

what did they... something.

What did they call you?

Yeah, that was a... that was

a tough time in my life,

and, you know,

before I settled down

and, as you know, it's TV

and there's no actual...

I mean, it's...

It's for a show, you know.

The producers they changed

the name of the show.

It was actually supposed to be

"lifestyle of a rocker,"

and you know, they made me

do some things

that I didn't really,

you know, wanna do.

What did they call you?

- King of... - king of infidelity!

That's it.

Not even a good nickname,

really. It doesn't roll.

If it was me, my show,

"sultan of shlong."

Right? A little mysterious,

a little Turkish sounding.

Not even a good nickname.

Looks like he didn't want

your autograph after all,

king of a**holes.

That's a good one, too.

That really is.

Think of the t-shirts.

Beautiful view

you guys got up here.

- Seora Mcevans!

- Uh!

Como Va shlong?

Uh...

Is everything to your liking?

Shlong... yes!

Everything's fine.

Please, allow me

to escort you to your room.

- Gracias.

- De nada.

Wish I could say

more than "gracias."

That's very good,

your pronunciation.

Constructed in the 1930s,

just above the ruins,

if you can look out there,

the ancient ruins

of the Cueva De amor,

which is in English,

"cave of love."

And is built where the

indigenous villagers would go

for romantic trysts.

I, myself, went

for a romantic tryst,

and I'm still trysting today.

- With my wife.

- Oh, okay.

And now, unfortunately,

it's just a rebel stronghold.

Rebels?

Is that dangerous?

The people, they would come

from all over to work,

but the current government

put a stop to what they call

foreign invaders, and they said,

"a la Hui, Hui, Hui," you know?

Mm-hmm, yeah, we have people

like that in America, too,

but we tricked them all

into living in Arizona.

Brilliant, seora. May your

little one share your optimism

and make the world

a better place.

And here we are, your room.

Whoo! Yes! Baby,

I'm in there!

We are back in business.

So, your pandering

went well, I suppose?

- Oh, babe, he was such a fan of my work.

- That's great.

Yes! This is such a

huge opportunity for us, huh?

- Us?

- Baby, don't do that, this is too good.

I already said "great."

Baby, I have

a meeting with Fabrice.

If I can impress this guy, huh?

He can put me on his new TV show.

A musical.

Right after the new "glee" spinoff.

It can't fail.

- Do you know what that means?

- Love scenes

with someone not as cool

as Jane lynch?

No, this means like not... not chasing

after my own celebrity hot spots

and tipping off

my own paparazzi.

I mean, a real acting job.

Baby, consistent work.

You know? Paying better

than any reality gig.

Huh? You know what I mean?

I'm meeting with Fabrice

tonight, okay?

I'm gonna... uh,

white... white tank, shorts?

Pink collar, Navy slacks.

Hey, baby, why don't you...

Why don't you like

make yourself a tea,

just relax, you know,

have a nap and then, and then

we'll go like at night

and we'll just have a nice

stroll on the beach.

You know, a nap sounds perfect.

Great.

Mm-mmm!

Fabrice!

Uh, hey! Where'd

the ladies go, huh?

They clock out on me

when the sun goes down.

But, I'm here to pick up

the night shift.

Yeah, well, I mean, they seem

to be a little distracted.

We're not all as lucky as you

are, you little cock blocker.

Cute.

I like the shirt.

Very David Cassidy.

Yeah, my... my wife

picked it out.

I got us a table.

Us?

I hope this will be

comfortable enough for you.

The hotel has the best

restaurant in the city.

All I wanna do is work hard,

make a sh*t ton of money,

clock out at 5:
00,

go home, be with my family.

- Oh, is that all?

- That's it.

- That's it?

- Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

That sounds like

the position someone earns

after 20 years

at the grindstone.

Those are long hours.

That's the one thing

my stay-at-home,

bored ex-wives

never understood.

All that time at work

is required

to get where you wanna go and they

just think... they never got it.

I mean, listen, I think that if

you're both sound as a couple

and you, um, you know,

you're both successful,

that you avoid making

those kinds of mistakes.

Well, excuse me,

who are you to judge me?

You... you, no,

I'm talking to you.

You're a literal fame whore.

You were on a show

and your talent

was banging chicks

that you didn't know...

To get more famous.

And you're judging me?

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