The Babymoon Page #9

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vice presidency slot next year.

- Great. I'm on it. I'm on it.

- I know you are.

Maybe you can pay me one day.

Any word from trace?

Uh, he made it to the consulate.

It will take him some time

to clear it all up

with the see,

but go, get some rest.

Tomorrow I will come

and take you to the airport

back to him.

Well, this has been

quite an adventure.

Thank you.

See, seora Mcevans.

- Hi.

- Hi.

Just so you know,

I said nothing to the police.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

I have a little surprise

for you, right this way.

She's not picking up.

Get through this.

Make a little speech.

I'll fly you back

in country myself.

Okay. Has someone

already styled you?

The hair, the tattered clothes,

you look fantastic.

Uh, thanks?

So, let's get to the see gritty and review

what you're going to say to the press.

Okay, well, I was supposed to tell the

world about the government atrocities,

but I never got

a chance to see them.

Well, we'll just embellish the fear

you felt during the abduction.

We want some real drama

before we get to the part

when you shake hands with the

congressman and then, boom'.!

State your confidence

in the current political regime.

I don't think that I'm in a

position to talk about these issues

much less issue a statement of

support for the current government.

Trace, the whole world

is focused on you right now.

I don't have to tell you

how rare that is

or how important

your words will be.

You're gonna be great.

Please accept a complimentary

couples' SPA treatment.

Wow, I'm not saying

that I don't need this, but why?

I believe a guest of ours requested it

as an apology for a dinner gone wrong.

Oh, yeah. That was really nice

of him, but it's just me.

Even more of a reason,

girlfriend.

- Okay.

- Enjoy.

Thank you.

Is there anyone else you want

to call while we're waiting?

No, I don't know

anyone's numbers.

The only reason I know my wife's number

is because she made me memorize it.

You know, I just got kidnapped.

Uh, yeah, actually.

I've got... thanks.

I know, people have asked me,

"am I running? Am I going?"

I can't really answer that today

because that's not why we're here.

We are not here for Ray Lopez,

possible vice presidential candidate.

That's not why we are here.

The world brings its full

attention to Cartegentina.

And as a Cartegentinan-American,

I am proud to bridge the gap

between our two administrations,

and here on U.S. embassy soil

please welcome home

my fellow countryman,

William trace Mcevans.

Where did this guy go?

Hello, everyone, hello.

I am producer Fabrice Mancini.

Perhaps some of you...

Evidently not, I'm gonna be the

spokesman for trace Mcevans today .

Trace is taking some time privately

to prepare himself to meet the public

and discuss

his incredible ordeal.

I'm also here this morning to

announce a very special new project

that we're working on together.

I have arranged a V.I.P. Tour

with the Cartegentian rebels.

They will take my documentary

film crew further into the jungle

than any crew, any crew,

has ever gone before.

And we will hear for the first

time, from the rebels themselves.

And as it turns out,

every once in a while

there are some things

that are worth fighting for.

Any questions?

Is everything okay?

It's beautiful.

It's just not perfect.

Trace?

No ma'am, I'm just taking over.

Oh!

Took you long enough.

Why am I not surprised?

I certainly wasn't going to let you

experience this all by yourself.

If you allow me

to join you, of course.

What, for the massage,

or the pushing another

human being out of my body?

Both.

Thank you for making

this perfect.

Best vacation

I've ever had, I'd say.

So much so, that we

decided to make it a tradition

and come back for number two.

Yeah, why not every year.

Very French.

My gosh, sounds like you might not have

stayed together if you hadn't gotten away.

Getting away really gave us

some perspective.

It's true.

That's how that Oscar-nominated

documentary got made, right?

Oh yeah, did for that old government

what BLACKFISH did for sea world.

And it gave Fabrice Mancini

his first film of credibility.

Oh, papa's getting a call.

- Hi.

- Come on, trace. Hook a brother up.

Get me some good press.

You're my press secretary.

On vacation.

I got you out of the goddamn jungle.

Remember that, okay?

- All right.

- Trace, I was just kidding.

Okay? Kidding, kidding.

Come on, man.

Okay, I'll do my best.

I have to go now

and spend time with my family.

Oh, that boy!

Okay. Bye.

What does he want?

To be Mardi Gras grand Marshall?

Pretty close, actually.

These old folks make up

the craziest stories.

Madame senator.

For your visit.

Madame senator.

Enough with the senator stuff,

I'm just ahead in the polls

in what looks to be a fair

election, so a good first start.

Hi, papa.

One bit of business beforehand,

congressman Lopez, he wants to stand

next to you at the swearing in ceremony.

The guy, he's a bit of a ham,

but he likes the publicity,

what do you think?

Only on the grounds

that he support my initiatives

and I get a kiss

from that baby inside.

Deal.

- Baby grande, you look good.

- Thank you.

- Madame senator?

- Yes, deputy Juan?

This is the cutest baby

I have ever seen.

- Madame senator?

- Yes, Juan?

This is still the cutest baby

I have ever seen.

Si, yo se.

Hey, have fun

with your adventures, guys.

Dude.

We are the army of lovers

we pledge allegiance

to Venus

chia seed smoothies, I make a

good one if you want to come back

after you're done

with all this gun stuff.

Long trip, sailor.

So is that a no or a...?

King of the holes.

Good one, baby.

You know what, I'm going to make

you my head of development,

because I've got something

developing right now.

Sometimes you lose

the battle

I mean what kind of

Babymoon is this?

This is not what they have

in those "sunset" magazines

with the big island men

that rub coconut oil

all over your back

and is that too much to ask for?

Is it?

Yes.

Forget surviving in the jungle. I can

barely survive in a WestSide condo

eating... eating

like that.

You bring us Brad Pitt?

We send you back Harry Potter.

We want retribution.

We want fair wages.

We want equality.

We want Hillary Clinton.

Why did I say that?

No, but you don't want to be

on the first floor

because the children make noise and

they throw stones at the windows.

If you're on the third floor you will

not hear the stones on the windows

because they can't

throw that high.

Massage chair or mass...

Because I think in the...

- There's a SPA package.

- Yes.

- Masseuse coming to the room.

- There was an asterisk.

And if you go the bottom of the page it

says "please sit in the massage chair

before you come to a masseuse

because you will receive more

benefit if you are pre-massaged."

Let it out

let the night

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