The Babysitter

HEY...

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M WALKING.

I'M WALKING. WHERE ARE YOU, UH,

WHERE YOU WALKING TO?

I'M BABYSITTING, MARK.

CAN YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?

WANT TO DO SOMETHING LATER?

IT'S FRIDAY, YOU KNOW.

ARE YOU DEAF? WHAT?

ARE YOU DEAF, MARK?

WHAT?

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

AH, COME ON. IT'D BE FUN.

BRING THE KIDS.

I TOLD YOU TO LEAVE ME ALONE, MARK,

ALL RIGHT?

HI.

OH, HI.

HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE.

WHAT TIME IS IT?

6:
40, BUT THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

WE'RE LATE AS USUAL.

[TELEVISION PLAYS]

HARRY, THE BABYSITTER'S HERE.

[HUMMING]

IT WAS GREAT OF YOU TO COME BY

ON SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

NO PROBLEM, MRS. TUCKER.

WE REALLY APPRECIATE THAT.

SO WHAT YOU GUYS EATING, HUH?

HAMBURGERS AND COKE.

DAD SAID I COULD STAY UP TILL 10:00.

NOT IF YOU DON'T BEHAVE,

OTHERWISE YOU'RE GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW

AND WITH NO TV.

OH, EXCUSE ME, DEAR,

COULD YOU HELP ME WITH THIS?

NO PROBLEM.

THANK YOU. THE ZIPPER JUST...

DAD, PUT YOUR CLOTHES ON.

OH, PFF.

HONEY, WHERE ARE MY BLUE PANTS, HUH?

WITH ALL YOUR OTHER PANTS, HARRY, UPSTAIRS.

AND WHAT ARE YOU WEARING THIS SILLY TIE FOR?

YOU KNOW I HATE IT.

AND WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.

THINK I KNOW YOU SO WELL

I'VE BEEN THINKING NOW HE'S GONE

I FEAR THAT HE RENTED HIS SOUL, DEAR

TAKING--

TAKING IN THE PAPER AND THE FEAR

DON'T HIDE YOURSELF

IF YOU'VE GOT TO BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE...

YOU GOING TO WALK RIGHT PAST ME?

I'M SORRY.

WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?

HA. THAT'S FUNNY.

HEY, WHAT'S UP WITH THE LONER? WHAT'S HIS PROB?

I THINK SHE DUMPED HIM.

HA. REALLY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU WANT TO COME OUT WITH ME AND JOEY TONIGHT.

UH, HMM...

CAN I THINK ABOUT IT?

YEAH.

YEAH?

YEAH. THINK ABOUT IT.

SEE YA.

HEY.

HEY.

WHAT'S UP?

YOUR MOM GOING TO MY FOLKS' PARTY TONIGHT?

YOU TALKING TO ME?

YEAH.

UH, SHE'S OUT OF TOWN.

I GUESS THAT'S WHY YOU'RE HERE EATING THIS SWILL...

ALONE.

YEAH.

YOU GOT ANY PLANS, MAN?

ACTUALLY, I GOT TO GET HOME.

GOT EARLY PRACTICE TOMORROW.

OOH, PRACTICE. EXCITEMENT.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED, JACK.

[WHISTLES]

[WHISTLES]

COULD I HAVE A BEER?

MAYBE.

I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, THOUGH.

OHH.

CLOSE YOUR EYES FOR A SECOND.

JUST CLOSE THEM, ALL RIGHT?

THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I COME IN HERE.

I HOPE YOU KNOW THAT.

NOW, JIMMY, EAT YOUR HAMBURGER, NOT JUST THE POTATO CHIPS.

SEE THAT HE EATS DINNER, DEAR.

HERE'S THE BABY'S BOTTLE.

I'M TOO TOLD FOR A BABYSITTER.

WHOO...

MM...

YOU READY, DARLIN'?

WHY DO YOU HAVE TO START DRINKING NOW, HONEY?

HEY, THAT'S A CUTE OUTFIT YOU GOT ON.

THANKS, MR. TUCKER.

WE'RE GOING TO BE LATE.

YEAH.

HAVE A GOOD TIME.

YOU, TOO, AND YOU KIDS BE GOOD, NOW. BYE, NOW.

AND YOU BE GOOD, TOO, HUH?

BYE, MOM.

SHE SURE IS A CUTE LITTLE THING.

EAT YOUR HAMBURGER.

HEY, JACK.

WAIT UP, DUDE.

OH, A BEER. I'M SO SHOCKED.

OH, NICE, MARK.

IT'S A NIGHTMARE, ISN'T IT?

YOU'VE REALLY CHANGED, MAN.

HEY, YOU WANT ONE?

I CAN GO GRAB YOU ONE.

WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND, MARK?

NOT A WHOLE LOT.

I'M JUST HANGING OUT WITH MY OLD BUDDY JACK.

WE HAVEN'T BEEN BUDDIES FOR A WHILE.

YEAH. I KNOW,

AND THAT'S MY FAULT.

I DON'T KNOW,

I SAW YOU SITTING ALONE IN THE DINER BACK THERE.

I WAS THINKING MAYBE YOU'D BE UP FOR DOING SOMETHING.

OLD TIMES' SAKE OR SOMETHING.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR FRIEND BACK THERE?

AREN'T YOU GOING TO DO SOMETHING WITH HER?

OH, YOU MEAN--YEAH.

WELL, SHE'S, UH...

NOTHING SPECIAL, YOU KNOW?

YOUR GIRLFRIEND, THOUGH...

OH, SISTER.

SHE'S SOMETHING SPECIAL, MAN.

YEAH.

SHE'S REALLY GREAT.

SO YOU GUYS AREN'T DOING NOTHING TONIGHT?

WELL...

ACTUALLY, SHE'S BABYSITTING.

BABYSITTING, HUH?

HMM.

THAT'S TOO BAD.

LIKE YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE OVER THERE

AT 8:
00 OR WHATEVER.

LUCKY MAN. GOD.

IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY,

YOU ARE A LUCKY MAN.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HMM?

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN--

"IF MY MEMORY SERVES ME CORRECTLY." WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

ARE YOU SAYING YOU WENT OUT WITH HER?

WELL, THAT'S--

I GO OUT WITH A LOT OF CHICKS, YEAH.

WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME?

NO REASON, MAN.

OH, I'LL SEE YOU LATER, MAN.

WHOA, WAIT, HOLD ON. HEY, HEY...

COME ON. YOU PISSED OR SOMETHING?

NO. NO, I'M...

COME ON.

I SAID I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T, UH...

THAT'S WEIRD. SHE NEVER SAID NOTHING TO YOU?

NO, SHE DIDN'T.

WELL, MAYBE SHE SHOULD HAVE.

Go to sleep.

Aren't you tired?

OHH...

I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST THAT GIRL.

WHY, BECAUSE SHE LIKES MY UGLY TIES?

I DON'T KNOW IF I TRUST HER WITH THE BABY.

SHE SEEMS... A LITTLE CARELESS.

I'M PRETTY SURE SHE HAD HER BOYFRIEND OVER THE OTHER TIME.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?

YOU KNOW, I NEVER HAD A BABYSITTER AS PRETTY AS YOU

WHEN I WAS A LITTLE BOY.

[SIGH]

SO, UH...

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME, HUH?

WHATEVER YOU LIKE, MR. TUCKER.

YEAH.

HA HA HA--WHOA.

HARRY, I TOLD YOU YOU DID NOT NEED THAT DRINK.

AND ANOTHER THING, THAT GIRL--

THE OTHER TIME, I'M ALMOST POSITIVE

SHE USED OUR BATHTUB AND TOOK A BATH.

I MEAN, CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]

JACK, I'M SORRY, MAN.

YOU SURE YOU'RE COOL WITH EVERYTHING?

AGAIN, I'M SORRY, MAN.

I SHOULDN'T--

I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID ANYTHING.

JACK?

YOU--

MAN, LAST BALL ALREADY?

THAT'S THE LAST ONE, JACK.

OH...BRRR.

THE THING IS COLD, MAN.

YOU COULD USE THE OLD JACK TOUCH.

GET IT, GET IT.

WELL, YOU JUST, UH, LOST.

O.K., SO,

UH...

I GUESS IT'S MY TURN, HUH?

YOU STEP RIGHT OVER HERE.

THIS MACHINE,

I PRETTY MUCH GOT IT ALL FIGURED OUT, YOU KNOW?

SO, UH...

WHEN DID YOU GO OUT WITH HER?

JACK, DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT.

IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO.

ONE DATE.

THE...MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION IS, UH,

WHAT'S A GUY LIKE YOU DOING ALONE ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?

YOU TWO ON THE ROCKS OR WHAT?

I TOLD YOU SHE'S BABYSITTING.

OH, COME ON!

I'M GOING TO TURN THIS OVER RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WANT TO TAKE ANY ADVICE FROM ME, MAN,

BUT MAYBE YOU SHOULD CALL HER.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

HELLO. TUCKER'S RESIDENCE.

TELL HER A GOOD THING LIKE HER HAS GOT TO BE PASSED AROUND.

HELLO?

HI.

WE SORT OF THOUGHT WE'D DROP BY--

NO, NO...

JACK AND I WERE JUST SAYING, YOU KNOW,

TWO'S COMPANY...

THREE'S AN ORGY.

HUH?

OH, YOU TILTED, MAN.

YEAH. GUESS SO, MAN.

F***ING BELIEVE THAT?

YOU KNOW WHAT, MARK? YOU'RE RIGHT.

I WOULDN'T TAKE ADVICE FROM SOMEBODY LIKE YOU.

SEE YA.

"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?

"ALAS, THE HEAVY DAY. WHY DO YOU WEEP?

"AM I THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?

AM I...THE MOTIVE OF THESE TEARS, MILORD?"

HMM.

"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT--

"OF HAPPILY YOU, MY FATHER, DO SUSPECT...

"AN INSTRUMENT OF THIS YOU'RE CALLING BACK.

LAY NOT BLAME ON ME IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM."

IF YOU HAVE LOST HIM.

HEY, HEY, JACK.

IT WAS LAST SUMMER.

WHAT?

WHEN I WENT OUT WITH HER. IT WAS LAST SUMMER.

YOU SAID YOU WANTED TO KNOW, RIGHT?

LISTEN, MARK,

IT'S BEEN GREAT HANGING OUT WITH YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU F*** OFF?

YOU KNOW, FOR OLD TIMES' SAKE.

OH, MAN!

O.K., SO THIS IS YOU--

"MARK, WHAT'S THE TIME?

"IT'S 6:
00.

HEY, F*** YOU."

JESUS. YOU ASK ME A QUESTION, RIGHT, AND I'M ANSWERING.

WHAT'S THE REAL STORY?

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