The Band Wagon Page #5

- Never?

- I don't think a dancer should smoke.

I see.

- Is anything wrong?

- No.

- Pretty shoes.

- Thank you.

You always wear high heels?

No. Not always. Sometimes toeshoes.

Toeshoes.

I'm afraid I've been awfully rude.

I haven't told you how wonderful

you were tonight.

Thank you.

I'm a great admirer of yours, too.

- I didn't think you'd ever even heard of me.

- Heard of you?

I used to see all your pictures

when I was a little girl.

I'm still a fan. I recently went to see

a revival of them at the museum.

Museum?

"Step right this way,

ladies and gentlemen.

"Egyptian mummies, extinct reptiles...

"and Tony Hunter,

the grand old man of the dance."

I didn't mean...

I want you to know that I can still

thread a needle without my eyeglasses...

and still occasionally do

a soft-shoe shuffle.

Nothing balletic, of course.

You're not a ballet devotee, are you?

Yes. I was going to the ballet

before you were born.

I saw Pavlova, Karsavina,

all the real ballet greats.

You don't see dancing like that nowadays.

I'm sorry.

That's okay. I don't expect you

to class me with Pavlova.

In fact, if she were around...

I doubt if she'd be good enough

to dance with you.

You'd probably insist on an audition first.

I sure would.

I'd audition my own grandmother.

Then why don't you audition mine?

She'd be just about right for you.

- I'm terribly sorry.

- No, you're not.

- No, I'm not.

- Neither am I.

Good.

- Paul, I'm leaving.

- What's the matter, darling?

I can't work with that man.

He's impossible.

We just got here. It'll look funny...

The whole thing is off.

This girl is a monster.

I have definitely had it.

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

the brains, the talent, the artists.

Wonderful. Aren't they wonderful?

You have no idea

how well things are going.

It's really wonderful.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I want you all to meet

the happy little group...

that's responsible for the show...

that everyone will be clamouring

to get seats for next season.

The celebrated choreographer Paul Byrd.

The authors you know:

Lily and Lester Marton.

Take a bow, Lily.

And, ladies and gentlemen...

my star, Tony Hunter.

A name, a talent.

Mr. Show Business himself.

And, ladies and gentlemen,

his new leading lady.

That glamorous, delightful dancer

from the magical world of ballet.

Mr. Hunter's own personal choice,

Gabrielle Gerard.

I think, gentlemen, you will agree

your investment is safe, yes?

Now let's relax and have a drink, shall we?

My dear, how do you authors

ever think of these brilliant ideas?

That damnation scene.

Did you ever in your life hear...

My boy. I had the pleasure

of backing your last show, too.

Jeffrey. How about...

There it is, folks. The work light.

Only an electric bulb, perhaps,

but for the next four weeks...

that will be our sun, our moon, our stars.

These four walls will be our universe,

our private world.

We enter with nothing but a dream,

but when we leave...

we'll have a show.

In between, there will be enthusiasms,

frustrations, hot tempers...

cold coffee.

Some of us will fight, some fall in love...

but all of us will work and adore it...

because all of us are inspired

by the same thing.

The night that curtain goes up,

it will go up on a smash hit.

And believe me, kids...

there's nothing in the world as soothing...

as a smash hit.

What do you think this is,

summer stock or something?

POSITIVELY NO SMOKING

Go!

That's it. That's wonderful.

Why didn't you do it before?

Good, men.

Honey, would you try

that cross, please, again for me?

"The same kind of opportunistic snake

that he is."

"You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake.

"Listen, baby, we all live by the jungle:

Eat or be eaten.

"I just realized that I like to eat,

and to eat caviar whenever possible.

"Anything wrong with that?"

"Anything wrong with that?" A bad line.

What we need is some quick image,

like "spreading ideals on a cracker."

You all like that?

"Ever try spreading ideals on a cracker?"

Let me hear it, Tony.

Did you ever try spreading ideals

on a cracker?

- Jeff. I don't...

- Honey, just try that cross again for me.

"The same kind of opportunistic snake

that he is."

"You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake.

"Listen, baby.

We all live by the law of the jungle..."

- Excuse me, Tony.

- "...eat or be eaten."

Pardon me, folks.

You know about icebergs, don't you?

One-eighth above the surface,

seven-eighths below. That's you.

You're giving me only that one-eighth.

I'm greedy. I want more.

All eight-eighths. Now let it rip, Tony.

Give it too much. Go way over.

Come along. The whole eight-eighths!

Okay, Gaby. Same place.

"The same kind of opportunistic snake

that he is."

You got me wrong. I'm a self-made snake!

Listen, baby. We all live by

the law of the jungle: Eat or be eaten!

And I realized that I like to eat,

and eat caviar whenever possible.

Did you ever try spreading ideals

on a cracker?

Good boy, Tony. That's it. Eight-eighths.

- Sorry. Butterfingers.

- No. It's not your fault, Tony.

It's an awkward pattern.

I have a better idea.

You hold your position right here,

and Jimmy...

suppose you pick up Gaby like that,

and put her down...

right here next to Tony?

Now you see, Tony...

I'd like to practice it with her

two or three times.

I think I could handle it.

Do you mind if he tries it with Barbara?

These are new toeshoes.

They're killing me.

Sure. You go ahead and rest.

Barbara, come here. Try it.

I think this is what's throwing you off.

If you hold your balance so, like this,

then grab her here by the...

Paul, I think we're making a mistake here.

I think we're wasting Tony in this scene.

He's got the first-act finale right after this.

The damnation scene.

I don't want to dissipate

his impact in that.

Now, why not let him exit into the house

and watch it from his balcony?

- How'd that be?

- Wonderful idea.

See what that would do?

Save your sock for the finale.

Much better that way.

Let's go back

to the beginning positions. Gaby.

Boys, get around up here,

and the girls, yes.

You were down here in the line like that.

Not too close.

This group's down here, you're up there.

- Let's try it this way.

- No!

Let's not try it this way or any other way.

I have had enough. I've had

three weeks of these lovely rehearsals...

three weeks of Chinese torture.

I don't know what you're trying to do...

except make me look like a complete fool.

A clumsy idiot.

I've tried. For three weeks, I've tried.

I've taken everything.

I've watched my part being changed,

my numbers being cut out day after day...

and I haven't said a word.

Got to be cooperative,

think of the good of the show.

Let's get this straight:

I am not Nijinsky. I am not Marlon Brando.

I am Mrs. Hunter's little boy, Tony,

song-and-dance man.

I'm supposed to have entertained

millions of people in my time.

And I am not entertained by

this little ballerina's snide insinuations...

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