The Band Wagon Page #6

that I am a no-talent hoofer.

I am sick of her superior smirk.

I'm sick of her.

I'm sick of Faust. I am sick of this show.

Never mind saying it!

Tony Hunter, 1953.

I hereby declare my independence.

Tony Hunter, 1776.

Bless you.

STAGE DOOR:

- Lester, where are you going?

- I don't know. I was...

What's happening to us? Let's try

to keep our heads. It's only a show.

I know. I'm sorry, baby.

So am I. Let's try to be sensible about it.

- Do you think we should try to find Tony?

- I don't know. What do you think?

- Maybe we should.

- But Jeff said not to.

And, of course,

you mustn't disobey teacher.

Right or wrong,

someone has got to be at the helm.

But to you, he's 100% right every time.

If you say one more word to me

about Jeff's hypnotic influence on me...

- I'll scream.

- He's got you so bulldozed...

Someone's liable to think we're quarrelling.

We're not quarrelling.

We're in complete agreement.

We hate each other.

WE NEVER CLOSE - Cocktails

Joe, tell Mrs. Marton I've gone to Tahiti...

to paint.

UNBREAKABLE:

- Hello, Mr. Hunter.

- You must have the wrong apartment.

No. I came to see you.

May I come in a minute?

Please.

I was just about to slip

into my bed of nails.

I'm terribly sorry.

That's all right. You couldn't have done it

if I hadn't softened it up for you.

- What?

- Nothing.

- Cigarette?

- No, thanks.

That's right. Dancers shouldn't smoke.

- You mind if I do?

- Yes. I mean, it's all right.

Thanks.

How lovely.

I've never seen such wonderful prints

in a hotel.

They don't belong to the hotel yet.

They're mine, and they're originals.

Don't let that throw you.

I don't know any more about art than I do

about dancing. I'm just a Hollywood actor.

I call my agent and say,

"I've got a wall to cover.

"Send me over 20 feet's worth of paintings

in assorted colours."

That's a very early Degas, isn't it?

"1877."

Yeah. I swiped it from his desk in school.

Was he sore.

What can I do for you?

I know. You demand an apology.

Okay, let's cut it short. I apologize.

No, don't do that.

I'm supposed to apologize to you.

I mean...

I see, the fellows got together,

stuck a gun in your back...

No, it was all my idea.

I just wanted to tell you that...

All right. It was Paul's idea.

Why do I let him push me around?

What do I want to apologize

to you for anyway?

You've been mean to me.

You didn't want me in the show

in the first place.

What?

And you think

I'm a dime-a-dozen ballet dancer.

No.

And this whole thing's making me

a nervous wreck and no show is worth it.

I wouldn't apologize to you

in a million years.

Now, don't do that. Please, just

calm down. Now take it easy. Look.

I thought I was the only nervous wreck

around here...

and all this time you've been behaving...

I've behaved horribly to you, and I know it.

I'm not used to behaving horribly.

It's a big strain.

You just misunderstood me, that's all.

I think you're terrific.

I think everything in the show

is probably terrific, except me.

I've been scared to death of you...

and scared to death

of every last kid in the chorus.

Don't be nice to me.

It just makes me seem twice as ugly.

I'd say you were more plain than ugly...

- but at least you've got talent.

- Thanks.

Now look, Gaby. It's just plain silly...

that we have never sat down

and talked this out.

We are the only animals given

the greatest means of communication...

human speech.

- And all we do is snarl at each other.

- I know.

We're from two different worlds,

two eras...

but yet we're supposed

to dance together, work together.

No one consulted us...

but we're the only things that matter

in this whole thing.

Not those geniuses out there,

telling us what to do.

You're right.

We have to do the performing.

We're the ones

that have to get up on that stage...

- and make idiots out of ourselves.

- Tony, is that what's going to happen?

No. Of course not.

Things are going to be fine.

I have a feeling that everything

is going to be much better from now on.

Yes, I know, but...

Can you and I really dance together?

I don't know.

Let's find out.

- Taxi, sir?

- Yes, please.

- El Morocco, please.

- No.

Stork? Waldorf?

No. I'm not dressed.

I just came from rehearsal.

- I can't go to any of those places.

- You look fine to me.

- Never mind. Thanks.

- Thank you.

- Where to, sir?

- Leave it to the horse.

Look, trees.

Yes, I remember now, dimly. Trees.

And isn't that called grass?

And, look, there's the sky.

This has all been here...

the whole time we have been

shut up in our little sweatbox of the arts.

Really? Amazing.

Do you know what those are

on those benches? People.

Happy people.

Would you believe it?

They don't even care...

whether we have a damnation scene

in our show or not.

Neither do I.

New Haven THEATRICAL TRANSPORT CO.

New Haven, Conn.

NEW HAVEN THEATRE - STAGE ENTRANCE

You can't get it into the elevators.

And you take this one here,

and it won't fit the finale.

- How are we doing?

- It's a disaster.

We're in terrible trouble.

We just can't open in three days.

I told you from the beginning,

you are overloading the show.

You can't get all this scenery

in the theatre.

- Why isn't this hung?

- We've been hanging all night.

You've got more scenery in this show...

than there is in Yellowstone National Park.

Never mind. Get your blueprints.

We'll go have a conference.

Everything will work out all right.

Hold it. I scored for brass,

and all I hear is flute.

I don't want so many long bows.

Lester, I gotta cut 16 bars

out of that dance.

Sixteen bars! Hey, Lil.

All right, I'll make the cut. Page to page.

Would you ask Lily

if she approves the cut?

- Lil, how about this cut?

- It's fine.

Okay, Lester. Let's give it to her.

This'll sound like hash.

I better put some chords in for transition.

Wait, just a minute.

Sublime, time, dime, slime...

You can't hear Tony in Lovelier Than You.

- I'm already holding down the orchestra.

- Maybe the key's too low.

Ask Lester if Tony can take it a key higher.

About Lovelier Than You,

Les, a key higher?

Don't you see I'm trying to make a cut?

The key's perfect.

- But Lily said you'd make the change.

- The key is...

Everyone on their toes

for the transformation scene.

- We're not ready.

- Perfectly all right. Next.

Watch it.

I'll cue you for the transition music.

Isn't it great? Herman.

Everybody ready back there?

We got to have more time

to make the change.

- I've got to have 16 more men.

- I got elevators...

Do the best you can.

All right, everybody. This is it.

Men in the elevators,

watch the signal lights for your cues.

Switchboards. Stand by to come down

your number one batten on cue.

Girls on stairs, take your positions,

but don't be frightened.

Men in armour, light your chandeliers.

All right, make this great, everybody.

Don't forget, it's the first-act finale.

Are you guys all right in there?

Now, watch your cue.

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