The Banger Sisters Page #6

whatever you want...

but, you know,

just don't make...

a three-act play out of it.

When are you coming home?

Home?

I mean back,

you know, to the hotel.

Um... Harry, listen...

write whatever

you want, you know.

Just dig it out

of yourself, babe...

because that's where it is.

It's all in there, OK?

Now, go for it.

See you later.

Does our mom

have a secret life?

Let me tell you something

about your mother.

It wouldn't kill you to be

just a little bit nicer to her.

How would she know

about Van Morrison...

all of a sudden?

Jim Morrison,

not Van Morrison. Jeez.

OK, Jim Morrison. She was

talking about him like she...

knew him or something.

Do the dishes, OK?

The dishes? Rosa does them.

Rosa who?

I don't know.

You have people

wiping your ass...

and you don't even

know their names.

Hannah, did you hear that?!

Just do the dishes, OK?

You wash.

You dry.

Here's the sponge.

And no using the dishwasher.

Why?

Because you're spoiled brats,

that's why.

No, we're not.

Look at all this sh*t

that you've got.

Look... Look. What's this?

A banana hammock.

Oh, right.

A hammock for your bananas.

I mean...

not everybody has one of those.

We don't need

to be lectured by you.

You don't even know us.

You and I go way back,

little Miss Prom Queen.

We want to know

about our mother.

She was a blast.

She was...

a kick-ass girlfriend.

Wait. What does that mean?

What did she do?

Did she smoke weed?

Did she get drunk...

and puke all over the place,

have sex?

Did she ever

do anything wrong?

Where's your father?

No place I'll ever go in again.

Ow! Oh, jeez.

What are you doing?

I want to go out...

without my... watch...

but everything

that I own is beige.

Come on, Vinnie.

Let's go. What's taking so long?

Harry?

Here. Do me up, will you?

Vin, what are you

doing in there?

Suzette, you look so...

iridescent.

Thank you.

Will you be very late?

Definitely.

Ready or not, here I come.

Oh, my God.

Your hair.

Oh...

Yeah?

- Oh...

- Well?

It's f***ing great, man.

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah.

Harry, come over here.

Tell me what you think.

That took some guts.

OK. Ready, huh?

Let's go.

All right!

You get the purses.

Oh, bye.

Bye.

Be brilliant.

Say good night, Harry.

Good night, Harry. Aah!

Oh, God. That scared me.

- Ooh.

- Ooh.

Oh, oh, my.

What?

I just forgot

it's so crowded and loud...

and dirty and sweaty

and... it's... I...

Vinnie, come on. Come on.

All right. Just give me a second.

Just another minute.

OK, all right, all right.

Your minute's up.

Let's go, let's go.

Oh, Suze, Suze.

Come on, let's just

work our way in, babe.

What do you want to drink?

- How about coffee?

- Vinnie! Come on.

Get me something with, like,

a little sword or something.

You got it, baby.

You got it.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Sorry. Excuse me.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

That was completely my fault.

Oh, my God.

Suzette, I'm just

knocking into everybody.

Aah! Aah!

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

Suzette! Suzette!

Yeah! Over here, honey.

Come on, come on.

I got us some chairs.

You still have

such great bar instincts.

Well, you're

in my territory, honey.

Oh, OK.

So, now what do we do?

A rum and Coke

and a tiki.

Anything you want.

Anything you want!

How about checking out

the bartender's ass?

Hooray!

She's back.

He looks a little like

Rod Stewart. A little bit.

He does look like Rod Stewart.

Look at

his little Rod Stewart ass.

Not so loud, not so loud.

He's gonna hear you.

All right.

Excuse me.

Would you like to dance?

Oh... that's so sweet

of you, but no. I'm married.

And I have a number

of children and a house...

and a dog...

a golden retriever, actually.

That's so nice of you

to ask me. Thank you very much.

That was really nice

of him, wasn't it?

OK, it's time.

- For what?

- Let's dance.

I don't think so.

Put your purse down.

- No, I can't.

- Honey.

Not yet.

Vinnie, come on, honey.

Let go.

No.

Please, honey.

Let go of your purse.

I can't. I can't.

All right, drink up.

Heads up. OK?

Hey, Rod, check our...

Look after our things,

will you? We're gonna dance.

Sure thing.

I don't think it's

the right speed for me.

It's just a little not right.

Too fast.

Come on, honey.

Loosen up.

Woo! Woo!

What a blast, huh?

What are you

looking at, honey?

Look at all the stars.

How many can you name, Vin?

Zero.

Have you ever been

to Europe, Vinnie?

Oh, yeah.

Did you go to Paris, France?

Mm-hmm.

Did you go to

that big famous cemetery...

where Jim is?

Pere-Lachaise.

What was it like?

Sad.

Yeah.

Shut the door.

OK, OK.

I want you to know

just for the record...

that I myself have not

seen this for 20 years.

What?

You'll see it.

You'll see it.

Just light that candle,

OK, over there.

Yeah.

OK.

You have no idea what

I'm gonna show you, hon?

Absolutely none?

What is it?

I have no idea.

It's gonna

be a total surprise to you?

You don't even

have a clue?

No!

Let's see.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

It is the...

Rock cock collection.

Oh, my God.

You said you threw...

the rock cock collection out.

You said it was history.

- No, I did not.

- Yes, you did.

I said it was history.

That's not the same thing

as throwing it out.

- Say you lied.

- I lied.

OK.

Close your eyes.

The names are on the back.

I'm nervous now, Vin.

Guess who

the first rock cock is.

Ooh.

Roger...

Waters.

Jimmy Page.

Give me that.

Are you kidding?

And this one is... Jimmy?

Very veiny and... Ooh!

"Arlo Guthrie."

Oh, no.

That's yours, babe.

You take that one.

Look at this.

- Ha ha!

- What?

Keith! That's Keith.

And this one is...

I get it

'cause I backlit it.

Oh, my God.

This one is...

I don't even know. Oh, my God.

Where? Hold on,

hold on, hold on.

Hold on, hold on. No, no, no.

I'm gonna smoke this.

You're not gonna do that.

Yes, yes, yes, I am.

Come on, honey.

It's gonna be...

It's so old. How old is it?

Well, it's probably younger

than we are.

Who is that?!

It looks ridiculous.

Who is that?!

I don't know.

Look at this little guy

peeking out.

- Jesus Christ!

- I told you...

Boy, it's so rough.

Steve somebody.

Steve...

And here's... Steve...

Why didn't somebody

just stop us?!

Wow. That was so cool.

It was not...

- That's mine.

- It's so yours.

Oh, my gosh.

That's so kind of...

Looks like a nose or something.

This is totally f***ed up.

Keith?

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, Suze!

Oh! Oh! Oh, my God.

I got it. Here.

Why didn't you just

put out the joint?

Here. I'll help you.

- Don't hit me.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

We're burning down the house.

Lavinia! Lavinia!

Oh, it's OK, honey.

Yeah?

Oh, God.

Hi, Raymond.

What happened, Lavinia?

Um, um...

Oh, my. Are these

what I think they are?

What do you think they are?

Well...

Lavinia, what... what...

What are you wearing?

What did you do

to your hair?!

She cut it.

Do you like it?

Lavinia...

All right, Raymond, look...

you know how, um...

some people

collect baseball cards?

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