The Bank Dick Page #6

And rest assured

you are in proper hands.

Thank you.

Are you, um...

Are you still suffering from

that slight nausea you had yesterday?

- Yes, I haven't quite gotten over it yet.

- Well, listen,

I don't want to be

a crepe hanger,

but in your weakened condition,

you're subject to all sorts of maladies.

- Now, I want to tell you something very confidentially.

- Yes?

I know positively that

our good friend Dr. Stall...

has treated this boy who thumbs

the pages of these books...

for Malta fever, beriberi,

and that dreaded of all

diseases, Mogo on the Ga-Go-Go.

Mr. Sous, if duty called,

I would go into the tsetse fly country

of Africa and brave sleeping sickness...

- If there were books to be examined.

- Hmm.

- This way?

- Uh, yeah.

Would you like to examine the books

of the Black P*ssy Cafe?

Thank you.

- What you need to get is a description of that place.

- Okay.

Og, what's the matter?

Exactly what I suspected!

- What?

- The old Mogo on the Ga-Go-Go.

Og?

Whiskey!

Whiskey? Look out!

I'll get it!

- Whiskey.

- What's the matter? Speak to me!

- What happened to him?

- I don't know.

Help me lift him up.

Just wet his lips.

Okay.

Here you are.

Uh...

- Ooh!

- Something in the clamp?

Oh, that's a good question.

Ah, unfortunately you

must've had your hand in there.

That'll interfere with

your writing, won't it?

It won't interfere with my writing.

Fortunately, I'm left-handed.

Oh, that's unfort...

Oh, yeah.

Get him a glass of water,

will you, Scotty? Feel better?

Psst!

Mr. Sous.

Did I see that

bank examiner here?

Why, I don't imagine so.

With my introspective eye

as a detective,

I would naturally

have seen him...

Ah, just as I thought:

recurring fever.

I'm sorry to appear

overzealous,

but these books

have got to be examined.

- Let me help you, Mr. Snoopington.

- Oh, thank you.

Here you are, sir.

Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

That's all right.

I can't see a thing without my glasses.

- Here you are, sir.

- Thank you.

- I'll be right over here if you need me, sir.

- All right.

If I can be of...

Oh, sorry.

And I try to be so helpful.

Well, oh.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I hope that won't interfere

with your auditing the books.

It certainly will not!

Oh, that's good, that's good.

It couldn't be possible

that Mr. Sous is trying...

to keep me from examining

the books?

There, you see?

Mr. Sous, I've done Mr. Oggilby

a great wrong.

And I'm here to rectify that wrong.

I was hoodwinked into believing

that those bonds were 100%%.

I've never been guilty of

a dishonest act in my life.

So I'll take those bonds off his hands

if I have to pay for them with my blood.

- Transfusion?

- Anything.

There you are. The man is willing to buy

the bonds back with his own blood.

I don't want blood. I want money.

Let him give me back the $500.

The boy needs money.

He doesn't want blood.

He's got high

blood pressure already.

Give him what he paid

for the bonds in cash.

I'm the saddest man in the world.

You may be the second saddest,

but he's the saddest.

I'm prepared to pay you $350 cash.

I'll pay the rest in

weekly installments of $25 per week.

I'll even give you my favorite aunt's

wedding ring as security.

I want to prove that

I am honest in the worst way.

The worst way.

Thanks. I was a fool to listen to Mr. Sous

in the first place. In the second place too.

- Paper, mister?

- How'd Gumlegs come out in the fourth today?

- I don't know.

- Let me see your paper.

A bonanza!

Beefsteak Mine.

Godfrey Daniel!

Oh! What are you doing? Just as

I was getting some of my money back!

You read this paper.

You're a millionaire!

Go away, Mr. Sous.

Look at that window.

Read that paper.

Oh! Now I can put the money back

without waiting for my bonus.

Mr. Snoopington is no longer a nightmare.

Bring him in here, I'll kill him.

Calm yourself, Oggilby, my boy.

Calm yourself.

- Golly. Oh, Mr. Sous!

- Cut it out.

Oh, Mr. Sous, I don't need

all this money. I don't deserve it.

You engineered the whole thing.

You're a financial wizard.

- I'm gonna split with ya. I'll give you half of 'em.

- Thank you, Og.

Wait. I'll follow ya.

- Anything I can do for you?

- You sure can, brother.

Turn around and start walking toward

the cashier's cage and keep quiet.

Ooh! That tickles.

You remember me, don't you?

Ah, you remember the gentleman, Og?

Yes, sir. That's the man

that held me up the last time.

Ah, mind your, uh,

mind your language, Og.

Here. Hate for you to be the fall guy,

but fill that up.

- Do what the gentleman tells you to, Og, quickly.

- Yes, sir.

- Don't, oh, don't.

- Shut up.

- This is my Beefsteak stock.

- Fill that up.

Do what the gentleman

tells you to, Og.

Thanks.

- Do you mind accompanying me to the door?

- Not at all, no.

How-dee-do, Mrs. Chiselbottom?

- Keep your foot off the alarm or I'll come back and plug you.

- Are you still there?

Hello, Mr. Sous.

Making more movies?

- Sous, huh? Get in that car and start driving.

- We're goin' for a ride.

Reach for the sky

and back up there.

- Oggilby, you're arousing the bank. You set the alarm off.

- What's the matter?

- Like to see some of the places of interest in town?

- No, keep driving.

- There's the Black P*ssy Cafe.

- Be careful!

Help! We've been robbed!

Johnson, get on that phone and get

the police. There's been a robbery here.

- Help!

- Police!

- He took Mr. Sous?

- He certainly did, right from under my contract.

I've just called the police.

- Follow that gray car.

- Come on, come on!

Holdup!

Bank robbers up that way.

- Don't let that car out of your sight.

- Hurry. That police car.

- These are catalpa trees.

- Step on that gas.

- Keep moving!

- I'm stepping on it.

- Mr. Sous's liable to get hurt.

- And me with $10,000 in the briefcase for him.

- For Sous? What for?

- For a story he told me while he was directing.

I sent it in with the day's report,

and the boss went nuts about it.

He wants it and Sous too.

There goes the helmet.

Come back here, you.

There's more catalpa...

I'm sorry.

Never mind about those trees.

Keep stepping on the gas.

- You know who's in that car with Sous?

- No, who?

- Repulsive Rogan. - There's a

$5,000 dead-or-alive reward on him.

- Stay awake!

- Be careful, driver.

- Hey!

- Magic carpet.

- Wipe off that windshield, you.

- Here.

You wipe it off, I'm driving.

Lake Shoshobogomo is right

over the top of this mountain.

Get out and push!

What do you think this is,

a kiddy-kar?

Can't push

a hulking truck like this.

Start pushing.

Seems to be a great deal of traffic here

for a country road, don't you think?

- Keep going.

- Yeah.

Hiya, toots!

Look out!

The resale value of this car is gonna

be nil after you get over this trip.

You're goin' too fast!

Slow down.

- Foot brake's gone.

- Where's your emergency?

Here it is, but it won't do you

any good in that backseat.

Gimme that wheel.

Here, grab it.

- Put it on there!

- We're gonna have an accident if you're not careful.

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