The Barefoot Executive Page #2

- Keep moving.

Mr. Wilbanks should be here

any second.

You know how upset he gets

when he sees you hanging around.

- He's not in yet?

- Mm-mm.

I can't say I blame him

after that show last night.

Steve, please just forget

about last night's show.

Okay. I've seen disasters in my time,

but that one really takes the cake.

- Good morning.

- Good morning.

- Did you happen to get my note?

- Yes.

Every time I put my hand

in my pocket, I got your note.

Now you listen to me, Steven. I'm not

interested in your theories on ratings.

And I'm certainly not interested

in doing a show called

Abraham Lincoln's Doctor's Dog,

whatever that is.

What is it?

Uh, well, sir, it's very interesting.

You see, we had a guest speaker

from our school last night.

A Mr. E.Z. Potter.

You've probably heard of him.

- E.Z. Potter?

- Yes. He's from up north.

- Up north? Where up north?

- Tulare.

- Tulare?

- Yeah.

He's got a surefire approach

for making a top-rated TV show.

- He does?

- And it's very logical too.

It's been historically proven

that the American people

have always preferred stories

about, number one, Abe Lincoln,

number two, doctors

and number three, dogs.

So the most popular

and highest rated show of all,

would be a show about

Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog.

And that is the kind of a show

your TV friend from Tulare

wants me to make?

Well, actually, he's not

in TV, sir. He's in radio.

- Radio?

- Yes.

- They don't have a TV station up there.

- They don't?

Abraham Lincoln's

doctor's dog?

- Yeah.

- Title's kinda long,

but it sounds like a good idea.

- Wait in the car.

- Oh.

Now you listen to me, Post.

You get this straight.

Your job here

is to deliver the mail.

And that is all you are to do

is to deliver the mail.

I am not interested

in your quacky theories

that come from your quacky teachers

that teach in your quacky night school.

Yes, sir. But actually, in this

case, it wasn't a teacher.

I know what he was!

He was a radio man from Tulare!

Anything important, Jen?

Oh, yes, sir. Mr. Crampton

called from New York.

He did?

Well, why didn't you tell me that?

When the president of the network calls,

don't let me stand around

talking about

Abraham Lincoln's dog's doctor.

Uh, Abe Lincoln's doctor's dog, sir.

There's a difference.

I don't care what it is.

How long ago did he call?

- About an hour ago.

- An hour?

You should've called me at home.

Well, I did,

but you weren't there.

Your wife said you were

out on some deliveries.

Oh, yeah... deliveries, yeah.

Well, get him on the phone.

He said it wouldn't be

necessary to call back.

Just pick him up

at the airport next Tuesday.

He didn't want to talk to me?

Did he see the ratings?

I imagine he had,

because he asked if you had.

- He did? Where are they?

- No, they're in the other pile.

Why didn't you say so?

I'm under pressure.

- Well, he's sure in a bad mood.

- Steve!

Why did you bring up Abe Lincoln's

doctor's dog on a day like this?

- Oh, no!

- I was just trying to help.

Nothing wrong with that.

Oh, these are terrible!

These are catastrophic!

- Just relax. You'll be fine.

- Oh, sure.

You just got excited. You took

too much oxygen in your system.

I had an aunt

who had that problem.

Used to help to blow into

a paper bag. Ever tried?

I never tried that. Helped?

- She just blew right in...

- Yes.

- Don't you have anything to do?

- Yes, sir.

- Well, do it!

- I'll see you tonight, Jen.

Jen, you know I never interfere in the

personal lives of my employees, but...

...how can you stand

that boy? Blow into a paper bag.

I don't know. I guess

I'm just kind of hooked, sir.

There, there, Mama.

Everything is gonna be all right.

You'll get over it, Mama.

Don't worry.

What's the matter?

We've got to go to San Francisco.

Hi. Hey, what's the matter

with the Bernaduccis?

They have to

go to San Francisco.

That's what they said. So what's

the matter with San Francisco?

Hey, what's everybody

sniffling about?

Mr. Bernaducci's been transferred.

With all that fog and dampness,

they can't take Raffles.

- He gets colds too easily.

- Oh.

And after having him

all these years.

Don't take it so hard.

What'd they do, stick him in a zoo?

- No.

- Did they put him away or something?

No, not that!

Jen, you didn't take him?

Oh, no!

Well, I couldn't let them

put him in a zoo.

I'd have found that

real easy to do.

- Do you think he'll be happy here?

- I don't know why you're bothering.

He'll be nothing but trouble.

Steve!

Will you listen to me?

He only had three people

in this world up until tonight.

- Mr. And Mrs. Bernaducci and me.

- Aw.

Now he only has me

and I'm not going to let him down.

You're treating him

like a human being.

He's just a hard-to-get-along-with,

miserable, spoiled chimp!

Seems to me you're the one

acting hard to get along with.

Oh, I'm sorry. Look, can we

just stick him in the bedroom?

I'm not going

to do any such thing.

He has been through enough today

without locking him in some bedroom.

Now you just go in and watch TV

with him while I finish dinner.

- What are you doing to him?

- I didn't do anything to him.

Oh, he can't see

the TV from there.

"Mother Carey's Chickens. "

I guess you know,

you're witnessing one of the wildest

slam-bang football games

played anywhere.

...snapped to Humphrey.

He fakes a handoff...

Leave it alone.

What did you do to him now?

Nothing.

I didn't do anything to him.

Oh, Steve.

You changed the station.

You can't do that.

What do you mean,

I can't do that?

If he likes a program

and you change it,

he gets all upset.

He does it to me all the time.

Well, he's not gonna

do it to me. Jen.

Steve, just try and be

a little patient, okay?

Patient, my foot.

You expect me to sit here

and watch a lousy show

called Mother Carey's Chickens?

Well, it's over anyway, so

it doesn't make any difference.

It makes a lot of difference.

That chimp is spoiled rotten.

He's not spoiled. He's lonely.

Now, let him have his

own way tonight, okay?

Steve, would you please pour

the wine? Dinner's ready.

Stay tuned to this station

for Star Journey

which follows immediately.

Star Journey's coming on.

They expect that to rate number one.

Oh, good. I want to see that.

...episode of The Maxwell Family,

the program for all ages.

Maxwells. If you think we're gonna

watch that soap opera, you're crazy.

- What happened now?

- It's that creep.

He doesn't want

to watch Star Journey.

- Steve, he's not a creep.

- Well, he sure acts like one.

He did it again.

Jen, will you do something?

Steve, just let him have

his own way tonight, okay?

You mean we can't watch Star Journey

on account of that crummy chimp?

Just tonight. Please?

All right.

With all the pets in the world,

you gotta end up with a chimp

that likes bad TV!

Mother Carey's Chickens

and The Maxwell Family?

Well, who would ever figure

that those two shows

would end up on top?

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