The Bates Haunting

What's up?

This is Bam Margera.

You wanna see

something scary?

You wanna see something

really scary?

Check out The Bates Motel

and Haunted Hayride.

- Oh, Jesus!

- Gotcha.

Oh my God,

you scared me!

Hey!

Not with your makeup on.

You kiss me with

your makeup on all the time.

Yeah, that's different.

Some broad got herself

fired earlier.

Maybe I can get you her job.

Working here's a scream.

This place is packed.

I had no idea there were

so many freaks in Gradyville.

Lily!

Hi.

I um, got you an early birthday

present for your big debut.

Oh, this is so pretty,

thank you.

It's supposed to bring you

long life and good luck.

It's bad luck to say, "good

luck" on opening night.

Listen, I gotta get going,

but be sure to get in line soon

so you can be the first to

catch my big performance.

Easy!

Ladies and gentlemen!

Prepare to bear witness to

the virgin sacrifice!

Ahh!

Consume her!

No!

Lily!

Help!

Someone do something!

Please, someone help her!

Can't you do something?!

Hello!

Been waiting 40 minutes

for my pizza!

I'd rather be on fire than be

in your stupid restaurant!

42 minutes for my pizza!

Jesus!

Hello.

Hello!

Been waiting 40 minutes

for my pizza!

40 minutes for my pizza!

You seem aggravated, too.

This is ridiculous.

I'm so hungry, I could have

Danny DeVito fart in my mouth

to fill me up.

Someone please help me!

Yeah, finally.

Ah!

God dammit!

Oh, I am so sorry, sir!

Oh my god!

Are you serious with that?!

Looks like a

sh*t-covered Frisbee!

Those pepperonis look like

Samoan nipples!

I emphatically apologize, sir!

No charge!

You just gave me

a big pile of sh*t!

- No, no, no, sir!

- It's ridiculous!

You call yourself a cook?!

I will make... a new one for

you!

Next Tuesday, maybe?

Yeah, I'll be ready for it.

Thank you for coming to

Goose King Pizzeria!

Just sit, sir!

Where the hell is Agnes?!

That's two in a row.

I think you're

in the wrong business.

Clyde, don't start.

What?

You could always rob banks.

Too much planning.

Glock, Glock, motherf***er!

Aw, balls!

Dude, this gun is sketch.

You should definitely

stick to writing.

Yeah, too bad no one will

pay me to write.

I think that's why Hannah

left me.

Well... maybe you can write

coloring books,

so she can read them.

Might as well.

Nothing ever happens in

Gradyville worth writing about.

Well, you can't let

your environment

dictate your behavior.

Gotta man-up and

do what you're good at.

Oh, you're one to talk.

You haven't dated anyone or even

held a job since Lily died.

Seriously, Clyde?!

I'm sorry, I'm just saying,

you know...

What are you saying?!

Well, you need to recover a

little bit...

- Recover?

- Agnes?!

Ah, horse tits!

What?!

Whoo!

Why don't you

light that motherf***er?

Good to be fired.

- Whatever.

- I feel liberated, actually.

You're too good for that place,

anyway.

Ah, wait for that.

All day long.

Uh, Clyde?

What?

Look behind us.

Oh sh*t!

- Put it out, put it out!

- F***, f***, f***, f***!

Get some f***ing perfume or

f***ing something, something!

- Oh, sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

- Oh sh*t!

Sh*t, sh*t.

Ah! Ah!

This always happens

when you drive my car!

Dad.

Please get out of the vehicle.

Come on!

Why aren't you at

Goose King Pizza?

That place was stupid anyway.

Did you lose your job?

Sorry if I'm not gonna be

the regional manager

of some lame-ass pizzeria

for the rest of my life.

Dammit, Agnes!

That was the last place

in Gradyville

where you could work!

If you were anyone else,

you'd be in handcuffs

right now!

Clear your head!

Take Clyde home!

When I get off work...

we are gonna discuss

this further.

Bye, Mr. R!

Shut up, Clyde!

That was close.

Agnes?

Shouldn't you be in bed

by now?

We need to have

a family discussion.

I think it's time we try

something different.

What are you talking about?

- I spoke with the Bates today.

- What?!

The Bates Hotel and Haunted

Hayride opens this weekend.

Despite your track record

around town,

they've agreed to

give you a job.

As a favor to me.

That's crazy!

Father Larsen calls it,

"exposure therapy."

Perhaps by being in

direct contact with the thing

you're most afraid of...

I'm not afraid of that place!

I don't have

nightmares anymore.

Honey... I hear you cry

in your room at night.

And I'm pretty sure it's not

because of the lady-cramps.

Ew, Dad!

Really?!

You wanna try to talk to me

about my period?!

Agnes...

I've been thinking about

this...

and I'll match whatever it is

the Bates pay you.

It'll help you get back

on your feet.

Am I the only one

that cares about Lily's death?

Of course not!

It's just that...

You're the only one

that hasn't moved on.

I'm not working at

the Bates Motel.

Well, since you dropped

outta school...

you don't have very many

options here.

Agnes.

Come find me.

Lily?

Lily, where are you?

Lily?!

Lily?

Lily?!

Agnes.

Lily?!

Agnes.

Lily?!

Help me.

Where are you?

Come find me, Agnes.

Agnes.

- Hi Delores!

- Good day, officer, Rickover!

This must be Agnes.

She's a little spooked

about being here.

She's uh...

thinks the place is haunted.

Aw, it is haunted!

We take that as

a compliment around here.

I'm Andrew.

This is my boy, Junior.

your uh... father says that

you'll make a good employee.

Where are your shoes?

No, I like to...

stay connected to the farm.

Any other psychotic quirks I

should know about?

Okay, Agnes.

Lily Hansen

was her best friend.

Oh Agnes, I'm sorry.

I assure you, what happened

was an accident.

And safety regulations have

improved all over the farm.

The operator of that machine

was put behind bars.

We're really not as scary

as our name is.

Yeah, I'm uh...

pretty far from Norman Bates.

Could even call me uh...

Normal Bates?

How's that going for you?

Why don't you let Junior here

show you around the farm?

Yeah, the Halloween season is

Junior's time to shine.

We're real proud of him

around here.

I'll pick you up after

your shift is over.

Hey we'll see you around,

hey Dan?

Sure thing, Andrew.

Junior,

thanks again for this.

- Sure.

- Our pleasure.

All right, Agnes, let's uh...

show you around.

Right here is where

the haunted hayride begins.

It's where I got my start.

Poppa made me work

my way up to manager.

Look, Junior, no offense,

but the less of this place

I have to deal with, the

better.

I'd like it if you just

showed me what I have to do.

You're gonna work here,

you're gonna have to answer

questions customers may have

about the farm.

You know, we're not really

a motel.

But every once in awhile,

someone will call and

make a reservation.

This is the uh...

prop and costume shed.

Basically, where the a...

Guys, come on!

- Oh god...

- Ben?

Agnes!

What did I tell you two about

the S-E-X stuff?!

I mean, look, we're sorry!

Okay, and...

What the hell is she

doing here?!

- She works here now!

- Great!

Glad to see that

you've moved on, Ben.

And Hannah...

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