The Battle of Shaker Heights Page #6

check in yet?

I don't know. It doesn't matter.

We've got enough people.

- Well, he's gonna...

- All right, places, please!

Let's go!

Password!

Where the hell you been?

Nowhere.

It really wasn't smart of you.

They got me driving an old Lippy.

And I'm going to get a crapload

of close-ups. And what are you wearing?

Where's your kit at?

I ought to kill you

right now.

What?

- You had to do it.

- What're you... Do what?

You just... do whatever the hell you want!

And consequences...

they don't matter, do they?

I don't know

what you're talking about.

I'm talking about

your agenda again, Kelly...

which apparently includes

hitting on my sister!

- Okay, picture is up! Roll camera!

- Mark!

What'd you... What'd you think

she was gonna do? Run off with you?

You're a 17-year-old bag boy.

She is a Yale grad student.

Talk about living in

a f***ing fantasy world!

Action!

- Cue the Jeep!

- Bart, what do you want me to do?

You want me to be miserable like you?

I can do that. Will it make it any better?

You got it all figured out,

don't you?

- [Woman] Cue theJeep!

- Better than you do, daddy's boy.

- [Engine Starts]

- [Grunts, Growls]

- Hey. Hey!

Cue the Jeep!

- [Men Shouting]

- Get out of the way!

[Groans]

It's cool. We can use it. We'll edit it

together with some newsreel footage.

It'll-It'll be fine.

What?

[Object Hits Something,

Falls To The Ground]

Where have you been?

Listen, Mom, can we

talk about this tomorrow?

Your father's gone downhill.

They have him on dialysis.

Well, that's perfect.

Why would you say

something like that?

I don't know.

It just seems to fit.

"Seems to fit."

Do you understand

what I just said?

- No, Mom. Why don't you say it again?

- [Sighs]

When are you going to

forgive him?

When am I going to

forgive him?

That's quite

a question, Mom.

When am I gonna

forgive him? Hmm.

Uh, I don't know. Maybe when I

forget all the lyrics...

to The Little Mermaid sound track

he'd play every time

he'd take me so he could score.

Maybe when we don't live in

a house that's always for sale.

I don't know. I'll forgive him when I go

to college. That's when I'll forgive him.

I can't go, can I?

'Cause he took the money

out of my college fund

and bought Mexican black tar with it.

And you're asking me to forgive this guy?

No way.

All right. Come with me

to the hospital.

Okay.

- This isn't about you anymore.

- It's never about me.

What is wrong with you?

I'm so sick of you being angry.

- I wanna be angry.

- Mom... Enough.

You will not tell me

what is enough!

You don't know

about anything. You...

I'm talking about

the man I love.

[Door Closes]

Hey, Kelly.

Hey, look, I just... I thought you

should know that I gave my notice, okay?

Kelly?

- Kelly?

- Oh, hi, Mrs. Bowland.

- Bart's not here, honey.

- Actually, I was, uh, going to see Tabby.

Ooh. Uh, well, Tabby's at her final fitting.

Wedding's tomorrow.

[Siren Wailing In Distance]

Damn it!

Goddamn.

Oh...

[Bell Tolling]

- Is everyone in their places?

- Yes.

- And the organist?

- Ready.

Where are the cars?

They'll be here in a few minutes.

Calm down.

[Chuckles]

[Woman]

Hi.

What the hell

are you doing?

- What do you mean? I was invited.

- I uninvited you.

You unin...

It's not your wedding, Bart.

Why are you wearing that?

- Look, I can't let you come in.

- Why not?

Because you know why.

Just go home.

Bart...

Kelly!

What are you doing?

Just listen.

[Exhales]

- This is my wedding day.

- I know what day it is.

I know what day it is.

Where do I fit in

in all this? Huh?

- I thought we really had something.

- You know it wasn't like that.

No, I don't know

it wasn't like that.

What was it?

It was a moment.

A moment?

What the hell is that?

What do you wanna do?

Do you wanna stop the wedding?

No. I don't... l...

Oh, come on. You...

- You shouldn't marry this guy.

- Why?

It's like... You're an artist. Do you know

what I mean? You're an artist.

And he...

He's not into... You know what I mean?

He's, um...

What is he? What does he do?

I still don't know.

He's, like, a corporate,

money-making, money-manager.

It just doesn't add up.

That's the thing.

It doesn't always add up.

[Mr. Bowland Knocking]

Tabby, honey? You coming out?

[Tabby] Kissing you made me feel

something that I needed to.

That's all it was.

I'm getting married right now,

and I would like you to be happy for me.

Okay?

[Mr. Bowland]

Here she comes!

[Man, Distorted]

Here she is!

[Laughing, Cheering]

Kelly. Hey.

We'rejust about to start.

What, are you taking off?

Yeah.

What are you wearing?

I grew out of my old suit.

Oh, yeah? Me too.

Check it out. Rental.

It's funny, you know?

A day like this in a guy's life,

he doesn't even wear his own clothes.

- Yeah.

- It's just another thing that

doesn't feel real, you know?

Especially after everything Tabby and I

have been through. [Chuckles]

[Softly]

No.

It shouldn't feel that way.

You know, today's the most

important day of your life.

No.

No, man.

This is just the beginning.

Everybody screws up a little.

It's what you do afterwards that counts.

You know?

[Bell Tolling]

Gotta go. See ya.

[Bells Chiming]

[Dog Barking]

[Chattering]

[Woman On P.A.]

Dr. Glade to Obstetrics.

[Beeping]

You're lookin' good.

Keller.

[Laughs]

- Out of bed, huh?

- Yeah.

- Feeling better?

- Yeah. Better.

They didn't give you shoes?

No, no.

They're over there.

You, uh...

You wanna watch some TV?

[Dad]

Look at that. They bolted it to the wall.

My reputation precedes me.

[Laughs]

Come on.

So, any, uh...

Any battles this weekend?

A few.

He looks good.

[Groans]

So, you're new here, huh?

You got any hobbies?

Well, that's good.

Thanks for your help.

Really.

- Your whimpering sickens us.

You die now!

- Please, don't do...

- Now!

- [Whimpers]

- [Lance Sobs]

- [Phone Ringing]

[Mr. Bowland On Answering Machine]

If you'd like to leave a message...

- for the Bowlands... or Ruby...

please do so after the beep.

- [Beeps]

[Kelly On Answering Machine]

Uh, hey, Bowlands. [Laughs]

Um, it's Kelly.

Just callin'to say that, um...

I'm really sorry that I made a mess of

the festivities that happened last week.

And, um...

And Bart, uh, you know,

I'm headin'down to the Rat's Nest...

to sell off some of my stuff, so any

chance you wanna catch me there, uh...

that's where I can be caught.

You're gonna make

a killing.

Yep.

d Will we both be happy d

d To stand alone d

- Here.

- Mm-mmm.

- Here.

- Keep it.

Here.

Hold it for me then.

d I'll stop thinking d

d Or we'll be ordinary love dd

- Sounds like you

really made an ass out of yourself.

- I did.

I did, man.

So if you liked this girl Sarah so much,

why didn't you ask her out before?

- [Kelly] 'Cause it was forbidden love.

- [Bart] What?

[Kelly] Well, fraternizing is against the

Shop-Ease code of conduct. You know.

[Bart Laughs] Code of conduct?

Dude, it's a grocery store.

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