The Beautician and the Beast Page #5

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- You all right?

- Oh, yes. I miss you so much.

She got them to strike. Before she come,

they don't even know the word.

This teacher's a loose cannon,

aimed straight at your presidency.

- You're overreacting.

- No. Here, you see?

Where it says "AP".

It's seen by one billion people.

Overreaction is not possible.

- No way!

- Left foot, green. This is too hard.

Joy Miller!

- Hi!

- Hello, Father.

- What are you doing?

- We're playing Twister.

Now, I'm not overreacting when I read...

- What's Masha wearing?

- Honey, let's go show him.

We designed it ourselves from the Ralph

Lauren sheets I brought from the house.

Look at me. I'm a big, beautiful woman.

It's control-top pantyhose.

Holds you in like a stuffed sausage.

You look lovely, Masha.

Now, this business at the factory.

Don't apologise. You were cranky

'cause you didn't have lunch.

You could be hyperglycaemic.

Carry some cheese with you.

- What is this?

- To keep him from biting his nails.

- Look how happy he is.

- He's the President's son, not a dog!

I know he's not a dog.

Here you go, sweetie.

Do I not intimidate you at all?

Is one of your sideburns

shorter than the other?

You said sideburns. They're done now.

All right, no pressure.

A lot of great men had moustaches.

- Hitler, Franco...

- Einstein.

That's who you want to look like?

What are you afraid of?

- Do you have a harelip under there?

- Who can even remember?

- It catches crumbs.

- It does not.

- It does.

- It doesn't.

- When you eat Danish.

- Really?

- Who cares? It is my image.

- Exactly. Beast.

You've got all those important diplomats

coming, you wanna sell 'em.

Look, that says groomed. Civilised.

Sonny Bono shaved off his moustache.

Now he's a congressman.

But I've had this moustache

for... 20 years?

That's exactly how many years

I'm gonna knock off you, baby.

Would you just trust me?

My aunt Marilyn never looked better.

Attaboy.

See, this isn't gonna hurt one bit.

That summit thing's

another huge mistake.

- What do you mean?

- It'd be better if you threw a party.

I mean, you catch more flies

with honey than vinegar.

It's not wise to plead poverty

to foreign leaders,

then spend a fortune on their dignitaries.

You don't have to spend a fortune.

Forget sit-down. Do the whole thing

buffet out in the courtyard. Alfresco.

You can skip the open bar, too.

They're all on expense accounts.

I'd say use a DJ, but live music

can really make an event.

Done.

Now your only problem is convincing

them you're old enough to run a country.

- Is not bad, huh?

- I'll say.

- Who am I kidding?

- What?

Shaving and throwing a party will not

convince anyone I am a civilised man.

That's why, after dessert, you announce

you're letting Aleksander Gurko go free.

- What?

- Yeah.

- In front of everybody. Big surprise.

- Never!

What do you care about

some 18-year-old pisher?

He's got the world against you,

and he can't shave yet.

If you let him go,

if you are the bigger man,

you won't just be a president any more.

You'll be a statesman.

It's interesting. But will it work?

Sure. It's the extra "oomph"

that every party needs.

- Or the first step towards anarchy.

- No.

The first step to realising you don't have

to be a tyrant for people to follow you.

Look at you. You're smart,

you're charming, you're sexy.

- I'll do it. And you will plan it!

- Me?

I want it done exactly like in America.

You will not rest until it is finished.

- You will work day and night.

- But I'm not a professional.

- I don't cater.

- You can do this.

You're smart, you're charming,

you're sexy.

You're on.

Is all right. It's the moustache.

Changes my whole look.

I meet people now. Hello!

Oh, excellent. Beautiful.

If you want to get creative,

get a hard-boiled egg,

a couple of pieces of olive,

a little radish for the mouth,

and a carrot curl. Look what you got.

Lucille Ball.

Good.

No, no. It's way too boxy.

Shoulder pads are pass.

Oh, this is all you.

I'm sorry, I cannot make

from head or tail this recipe.

What's the problem?

It's only chicken cutlet.

Come on, I'll show you.

But tomorrow night, I'm not gonna...

- What's that?

- The chicken.

- It's alive.

- Of course it is. You want it fresh, no?

Not that fresh.

You want for party? Then you

must show me how to prepare.

Here, chick, chick, chick, chick...

Everybody has to clear outta here.

I cannot work with a million people

looking over my shoulder.

You know, I could do this, mister.

I eat chicken all the time.

I'd be hypocritical not to do this.

Hi.

What's that over there?

You know what? I can't do this.

Happy now? I'll just tell them that...

- Miss Miller?

- Oh, what?

- What are you doing?

- I was, um...

I was trying to scare

the chicken to death.

But he obviously

doesn't want to die for his country.

Just being selfish.

- Hello?

- Hello, sweetheart.

Ma, it's the middle of the night.

I got a hundred people coming tomorrow.

We've got good news.

Remember that European

they hired at Lotto to class it up?

- Yeah.

- They fired her.

They don't want class, they want you.

- Me?

- So, pack your things...

- Wait, I can't go now.

- What are you talking about?

This is your big opportunity.

Lotto. Big Spin! Live at Five!

Sweetheart, just what

are you giving this job up for?

What is this?

- I said, "What is this?"

- Pot-pourri.

Our country's destitute.

At least we go down smelling like...

...apple and cinnamon.

You like?

Yves St. Laurent.

Makes me more approachable.

Mr President, we must do something

about this factory.

You get one strike, you get two.

Like bugs.

We must crush them.

Your signature, please.

This decree will authorise troops to go in.

- Give them what they want.

- Please?

Overtime.

Unions.

I have a decree of my own.

Already signed?

Joy Miller swears

that a happy worker works harder.

Interesting thought.

Make some banners.

"Happy workers work harder".

Mr President, I must speak.

This is a recipe for disaster.

Mr Kleist...

Talk to the hand.

Isn't that cute? I love that.

Talk to the hand.

Talk to the hand!

You told 'em about letting the kid go?

- Those go in the lanai.

- I had to. He's very intimidating.

- What did he say?

- You should back off

before something unfortunate happens.

- He threatened me?

- If you want to take it like that.

I'm tense enough. I'm like my mother

when they took her off Fen-Phen.

Why not order lvan for a massage?

When you-know-who finds I stopped

doing this to use his masseur...

I'll have to make sure you-know-who

does not find out about it.

- Ira, is that bravery peeping through?

- It's just experiment. Don't get used to it.

Good. Good. Yellow flowers! Very good.

Is this asparagus?

I love asparagus. This way.

- You are letting him go?

- Is the right thing to do.

- I'll be a statesman.

- You'll be a corpse.

The masses are not famous

for nice treatment of ex-leaders.

- Is one prisoner.

- It only takes one.

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