The Beautician and the Beast Page #6

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I trust Mr Grushinsky.

But if anyone should find out?

No one's gonna find out.

Let me get undressed.

You find some music to play.

John Tesh puts me to sleep.

- Is that you, lvan?

- Yeah.

Good. Let's get started.

Come on! You can do better than that.

Harder.

Harder.

Harder.

Now take off the towel.

Here, I'll do it.

Now keep going.

It hurts all the way down.

- What are you doing?

- Er, shiatsu.

- I think my back is done.

- No, still too tense.

It's... it's that woman.

You know who I mean?

Joy Miller?

Ja.

I've never met anyone quite like her.

She just has to walk into the room

and I spasm.

I think it's that voice.

I mean, who has a voice like that?

"So what if those windows

are 12th century?

"Can't we put screens on them?"

- Ow!

- Sorry.

- I like her.

- Me, too.

Still, there's something about her

I don't know how to describe.

She gives me...

...a feeling...

...in my stomach.

Not bad, exactly.

More like, um...

... utz.

It's crazy, I know.

It's probably just heartburn.

And yet, it's more.

You ever felt like this, lvan?

Lvan?

Come in.

- What did I tell you? Magic fingers.

- Not now, Ira.

The President's got the utz

and I'm turning down Live at Five.

That's wonderful!

I don't know what you're talking about.

But look what I have brought you

from His Excellency.

- A present?

- For you to wear at the ball.

And you can't wear formal without

borrowing a bit of crown jewel...

You don't like?

Ira, I love it. It's the most beautiful,

sweet, thoughtful gift.

Then, what's wrong?

- I have to tell him.

- No. Bad idea.

I can't look myself

in the mirror any more.

Wait.

All fixed!

No.

It's time.

Not bad, eh?

Hello.

My God.

Be careful. A girl could get used to this.

You should. I'll just keep having parties.

Something's wrong?

Yeah. Before I get into it, let me say

that I feel my work here is done.

The kids are doing great.

I finally got you into a pair of loafers.

Tonight's party

is gonna be a gorgeous affair.

What are you talking about?

I've not been totally honest with you.

I'm not a real teacher.

I just have a beauty licence.

Beauty licence?

I teach make-up and hair.

It's all I know.

First, it was easy to pretend.

Then I started to fall in love with...

...your kids.

I got to know you much better and...

...now it just seems wrong.

What kind of man do you take me for?

I hope one that sees the bigger picture.

You have the nerve to come here

and tell me you're not a teacher,

when you are the best teacher

I have ever known.

- I am?

- Yes.

The children blossomed before my eyes.

They're happy, confident.

If that's from learning hair,

tomorrow I make new law.

All teachers must have beauty licence.

Mr President, I...

I dunno what to say.

Oh, my God. Call an ambulance!

She doesn't know what to say.

Perhaps I should take advantage

of this silence and...

...ask for the evening's first dance.

A slow dance? I've never been good

at the Arthur Murray thing.

- This is nice.

- Is simple.

Just follow me. And...

One, two, three. One, two, three...

I feel kinda silly without any... music.

There, you see.

You are a wonderful dancer.

I guess all I needed was a great leader.

Hey, Yuri. Look how handsome you look.

No, sweetie. Quit tugging on your suit.

You can take it off later, I promise.

Sweetie, what's the matter?

Why are you moping in the corner?

You should be conning an adult

into giving you a whiskey sour.

How can I enjoy a party?

I'll tell you three things. One, you can't

tell when things will start looking up.

Two, if you could, you'd know

it was going to be right after dessert.

Three, you don't want Mr Rightsky to

see you with runny mascara, do you?

- Miss Miller!

- I love you.

- Yuri!

- Oh, no.

Yuri! Yuri!

Guess he thought the invite said casual.

I'll get him.

- Miss Miller.

- Oh!

- You dance lovely.

- Thank you.

- The party's even made you smile.

- Oh, yes.

I've never been in such good mood.

In fact, you throw such good party,

from now on this is what you stick to.

From now on, you take orders from me.

When I say "jump",

you say "how high?"

Or I go to His Excellency

and tell him your dirty little secret.

You think you're so smart.

Well, I got a surprise for you, mister.

I already told him and he don't care.

Take your threats and attitude

and shove it up your...

He knows you sneaked Katrina

to see Alek Gurko?

No. That he don't know.

- How'd you find out?

- Oh, please. That's what I do.

- If you think you can blackmail me...

- I know I can.

Oh, not for lying about teaching.

But for treason...

Life sentence in my country.

So, no more politics.

Do we have an understanding?

Do we have an understanding?

- Yes.

- Good.

Your first order.

Smile, please. Party.

No, no, no. This is not... natural.

Smile.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Now we have all had our desserts,

let me thank you all for coming.

And for allowing me to put right

misconceptions you all had about me...

...and my country.

I read your papers.

I know what you call me.

"Boris the Beast".

"Egoslavia".

"Stalin without the charm".

But perhaps now you see that I am...

...just a man...

...trying to be a leader for my people.

Like all of you.

Extra oomph.

And the true test of a leader...

...is knowing when

to demonstrate what I call...

...that little extra oomph!

To show you mean business.

And when not to.

So...

...let us all build on tonight...

...and create

a prosperous new future...

...for us all.

Welcome to my home.

The evening is a complete success,

thanks to you.

You left out the extra oomph.

That was the whole point.

But look around.

People are getting to see the real me,

and they like it.

For the first time, they pay me respect.

Not because I free some dissident,

but because of who I am.

You can't believe them.

They're politicians.

- Miss Miller!

- They'll walk outta here

and say the man's an animal.

If you want their aid, free the kid.

- Miss Miller.

- I don't care any more.

If you won't do it for your country,

do it for her.

- You should see them together...

- You've seen them together?

Well, actually, I've been sneaking her

down to see him.

- In the dungeons?

- That's where you threw him.

- They are so much in love...

- Did you think this is a game?

You move us around like chess pieces

because you know better.

Papa, he's not a criminal. You are.

What are you doing?

- You do not understand.

- Oh, no?

You have an eight-year-old's temper.

Your children are scared of you.

You hit girls. Tell me when I'm wrong.

This whole thing

is none of your business.

You're right.

'Cause if you can't see that doing the

right thing, even with nothing to gain,

is what makes you a mensch

and decent and civilised...

...I can't have anything to do with you.

The boy will remain in prison.

This is not a game.

It is the way things are

and the way things will always be.

Everyone is right about you.

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