The Beaver Page #2

Well, I went back.

So this is some kind of a program?

I'll field that one. Yes, Meredith.

The answer is yes.

That is exactly what it is.

I know it seems radical,

but in cases like Walter's,

cases where all else has been known to fail,

it's proven quite effective.

But if it's going to work,

it's going to need your full support.

It's very big in Sweden.

I couldn't find it.

Ah. No worries.

I best be on me bike.

You're not leaving, are you?

Don't worry.

I'll come back this weekend, then.

But you have to stay for dinner!

Mom, let him stay for dinner!

Look, it's all right.

- I don't need to.

- Please, Mom, let him stay for dinner.

- I'll come back this weekend, then.

- Come on.

- It's okay. Just for dinner.

- Please, Mom.

- Yeah!

- Well, right, then.

Let's tidy up the garage

so we can mess up the kitchen.

Come on. Don't touch anything sharp.

Hey.

What the hell am I doing here?

I need you to write me something.

I knew it.

He thinks I'm going to fall for this?

- Who?

- Mumphry, or whatever

vice-principal sent you.

Tell him I'm insulted.

Hey, will you hold on for a second?

No one sent me.

I really need help.

Look, you're the valedictorian, all right.

You have a 4.0.

I copy off of you in calculus.

Why would you want me

to write you a paper?

It's not a paper.

It's my graduation speech.

Save your money.

No one gives a sh*t about those things.

Yeah, well, my mom will. So...

Not that I'm saying that

you write other people's papers for them,

but if you did, I hear that you're really

good at making yourself sound like them.

Getting inside their heads.

That's what I need.

- No way.

- Why?

Because it's one thing for your little

anorexia squad to get by on their looks.

That's all they've got.

But for someone like you, it's just lazy.

Hold on.

Wait a minute.

Does this look lazy to you?

That is 428 pages of lazy.

And if you don't want to take my money

because you're just dying to see me

make an ass of myself, then that's fine.

But don't you dare call me lazy.

Douche.

Thank you very much.

You want olives in your salad?

- Yeah.

- Here you go. Watch this.

Would you like some more?

- What the...

- There he is. Hello.

My card.

We was afraid we'd have

to start without you.

This is a joke, right?

No, son, it's a fresh start.

Have you completely lost your mind?

- I know it seems a bit...

- I'm not talking to you, nut job.

I'm talking to Mom.

It takes you years to get him out of here,

and you let him come back the next night

with a talking hamster?

Failure on this scale

doesn't happen overnight.

Still I can't believe

that you guys made that.

I mean, you never... I mean, Walter never...

I'm sorry. I'm not quite sure

how I'm supposed to address you.

Well, you're doing fine, love.

Well, tools were always

on your Christmas list,

but I had no idea that you knew

how to actually make anything.

He's a beaver, Mom. That's what they do.

Yeah. Spot on, mate.

But, you know, Walter

wasn't half-bad himself, at one time.

Yeah? Who taught him?

I suppose he taught himself.

He was about your age, yeah. Cub Scouts.

He and his pop were supposed

to make a racecar for a contest.

Except, his pop weren't around

so he had to do it himself.

Where was his dad?

He got very sad and he had an accident.

You mean Grandpa Jerry

from the graveyard?

Right-o. Anyway, Walter had Grandpa's

tools but no clue how to use them.

So, what he ended up making was so awful

that it looked like he'd screwed a set

of wheels onto a piece of dog crap.

And you know what the other kids called it?

The Turd. That was generous, mate.

One lady threw up all over herself

just 'cause it got close to her.

But when it came to racing...

What?

The Turd could not be beat.

- Sweet.

- Yeah.

- Dad?

- Yeah, mate?

- Can we make a Turd?

- Yeah, any time, mate.

You give the word, we'll make the Turd.

Yeah.

Good night, Beaver.

Good night, mate.

Good night.

Good night, Beaver.

- Hello?

- Norah.

Hey, it's Porter.

Listen, what I said earlier...

- So, are you going to help me or not?

- Yeah.

But for this sort of thing, I'm going

to have to ask you for, like, $500?

Done.

Wow. Would you have gone $1,000?

- Oh, yeah.

- How about a million?

Can you come by tomorrow?

Yeah! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely.

You know, I didn't... Look, I...

We're cool, right? I... I'm...

You've never even said a word to me,

you know, and...

- Porter?

- And it's not like we

...know each other or anything... Yeah.

- Just come by tomorrow.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Good night! See you soon.

Trust me, mate. Today will set you free.

What the hell is this?

I have no idea.

This is layoffs, isn't it? Goddamn China.

Nobody's getting laid off.

Get rid of you lot?

I'd have no one to boss around, yeah?

The boss woke up and brought a friend.

I think we should maintain some respect

until Mr. Black tells us...

Good morning, all.

I assume you all got the cards.

If not, allow me to briefly explain.

Walter Black ascended

to CEO of this company two years ago.

Not through any particular skill or merit,

but because Walter was next in line

rather than our infinitely more qualified VP

standing right here.

Hello, love.

It was a job Walter was, well,

ill-prepared to handle.

Basically, well...

Walter's been a loser.

Which is why, as of now, he is resigning

and putting me in charge.

So, before you decide to run me out on a rail

with all the flaming torches and pitchforks,

hear me out, give me five minutes,

then you may tear me to shreds, if you like.

First, I will be ceding control

of all individual projects

back to the teams themselves.

That means you will be free

and entrusted to do the jobs

you was hired to do in the first place.

Hello, Hank.

Second, we will revamp,

revitalize, re-launch

at the International Game

and Toy Manufacturers Expo

in six weeks' time.

Now, I know there's a very high degree

of skepticism about my ability to lead.

Isn't that right?

I mean, middle-aged man

with his arm stuck up my bum. Right?

Who wouldn't doubt me?

But I'll make you the following deal.

You give me two weeks, just two,

and at the end of that time,

anyone who wants to resign

will receive severance pay

and a glowing letter of recommendation.

- No questions asked, no exceptions.

- Excuse me?

And who exactly are you supposed to be?

Bollocks. Did I forget to introduce meself?

You may simply call me the Beaver.

Impressive.

So, what do you need to know?

Well, I guess the first thing is,

what do you want to say?

Well, that's kind of the problem.

I mean, I got good grades. Big deal.

What do I know?

Okay. Well, how do you want people to feel

when you're done?

I guess I just want them to feel not

let down.

"Not let down."

That's powerful.

"I'm excited, pumped. How are you doing?"

"Me? I'm not let down."

I told you that I suck.

This is why I need you.

Okay, well, you're a cheerleader,

notorious hothead.

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