The Beaver Page #3

Could we talk about you getting expelled

from the eighth grade?

How did you find out about that?

No secrets on the Internet.

What did you do?

Did you steal some encyclopedias?

- Chew some nicotine gum?

- No.

What? Tease a fat kid?

Shut up.

All right. So, what is it?

I was tagging.

Tagging?

Like...

Like graffiti tagging?

More like art. It was just illegal.

Where's all this rebel-artist sh*t now?

That was a long time ago.

You still have some, don't you? Yeah.

- Show me, please.

- No.

If you show me, I will write you a speech

that you could free Tibet with.

Why do you want to see it so bad?

Because I like to be surprised.

- We have to be quick.

- All right.

Whose room is this?

No one's.

Oh, wow.

I like to do it big.

Like freeways, buildings, billboards.

And fast.

Like I'm running a million miles an hour.

No thinking, you know?

Why did you stop?

'Cause I got caught

and my mom couldn't take it.

Anyway, I threw them all away.

Someone must have liked them.

Pulled them out of the trash, didn't they?

- Who was it?

- What are you doing in here?

I was just showing Porter around the house.

He's on the math team with me.

- Right.

- Time to go.

Hey, I'm sorry about my mom.

- She's just, you know...

- That's fine.

You know, you are

so much weirder...

Not weird, I just mean, like,

different, I guess.

You're a lot more different

than I thought you'd be.

You know, for someone I'm paying

a lot of money to write a speech for me,

you're not very articulate.

I'm much better on paper.

We'll see.

Thank you for not laughing, I guess.

I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't laugh.

Good.

Very, very good.

We salute at the threshold

of the North Sea in my mind

And a nod to the boredom that drove me here

To face the tide and swim

I swim, oh, swim

And, eventually,

what seems strange becomes common.

What seemed impossible becomes real.

Up to my knees now,

do I wait? Do I dive?

The sea has seen my like before though

it's my first and perhaps last time

Let's call me a Baptist,

call this the drowning of the past

She's there on the shoreline

Throwing stones at my back

So swim until you can't see land

Swim until you can't see land

Swim until you can't see land

Are you a man or are you a bag of sand?

Until things almost

start to feel the way they used to.

Fixed it, love. Working like a charm.

It's like it's all brand new.

- Walter. Walter, wake up. Wake up.

- Mmm. What?

It's Henry. He snuck out of his room.

He's down in the garage again by himself.

Well, tell him to come to bed.

I know. I tell him every night, but he needs

to hear it from, you know, you.

Yeah.

I'm on it.

Whoa, where are you going

this time of night?

I'm gonna tell the little guy

to knock it off so I can sleep.

Right.

I was going to the same place.

Come on. Let's triple-team him.

That's okay.

You've got your little furry friend.

Good night.

What are you making besides a racket?

You couldn't sleep, either?

Well, actually, mate,

I was having a brilliant kip

till you started banging away.

I just had this idea.

Oh, yeah?

Well, let's have the idea in the morning.

Just 10 more minutes, please?

Ten more minutes, all right, yes.

But no more mucking about with tools

when I'm not around. It's not safe.

Or when your mother's asked you not to.

Or at night.

Or in a toilet.

Or when you're climbing Mount Everest.

Or picking your nose. Agreed?

- Agreed.

- There you go.

Can you talk to me? I like it when you talk.

What do you want me to talk about?

Doesn't matter. Just talk.

You have a funny voice.

You're quite easily entertained, aren't you?

Give you a buzz saw, a block of wood,

and some chatter...

Hey, Walter, did you talk to him?

Yes, and everything's fine.

He'll stick to the schedule.

What's going on?

I've had a breakthrough, love.

Got to get to work right away.

Now?

Not a moment to spare!

You're a goddess.

Sir? You're in early.

Just the woman I wanted to see.

Have a look at this.

Now, we need to get started on this

right away.

It's a beaver?

It's the future.

This?

The Talking Beaver

Woodworking Set.

You get your basic tools, a block of wood

and a talking beaver

to work right alongside of you.

You should see the kids, love.

I mean, they've got their cell phones

and their computers,

but, wow, you give them a block of wood,

a hammer and a saw?

Bob's their bleeding auntie.

Their poor little brains are starving

for something like this.

So, you're talking about a new product line

for what? Christmas?

Christmas? I'm talking about right now,

woman. Today.

This morning.

I guess there could be an ancillary market

in more tools.

Maybe pre-cut lumber pieces?

Sort of like Lego kits but made of wood.

And you can work them

into shapes on your own.

Now, that's using your scone.

Not just made out of wood, is it? Let's go.

But this would mean, I mean,

even if we could get one ready in time,

this is all we would have for the Expo.

That's all we'll need, my darling.

And for every person that points out

that there's a rodent at the helm,

there's another to remind him or her that

production has already increased by 35%.

At the end of those first two weeks,

not one person resigns.

Not one.

Now, we're going to start with...

The Beaver, as a core item,

along with endless project kits

could produce an exponential return.

The question is, do we want

to continue struggling merely to survive,

or do we want to embrace something new,

something different,

and see where it takes us?

Once again,

our beloved Jerry Co.

has vision, power, energy, balls.

Item number three this morning,

we've got some fabrication concerns.

Why are you all laughing?

Did you talk to Dr. Macy today?

Indeed. He says we're coming along

just brilliantly.

Well, did he give you some kind of a

timeline for when the treatment might be over?

No, nothing specific, love.

Like a week, or a month, or...

It's a process, love.

We'll know when the time is right.

Now, rest up, you delicious little tart.

There's more where that came from.

Hector, what do I always say, man?

Read it before you turn it in.

It was about your own family,

for Christ's sake.

I just figured since it was personal,

there wouldn't be no test questions on it.

- But your own grandma turned you in.

- Yes. She was so proud.

Talking about the stuff that you had wrote

about her back in the day in D.R.

And then all of a sudden,

she could just tell I knew nothing about it.

So, she starts crying.

She calls the principal, says she doesn't...

All right. My name stays out of this.

You understand that, right?

- She called me a liar and a cheater.

- All right, all right, all right. Look.

Okay, I'm gonna make

a dummy website, all right?

You tell them you sent in your money,

you got your paper.

That's all you know, okay?

Hector, look, I gotta go.

I'm gonna give you the website tomorrow,

all right?

- Hector!

- Yes, yes, yes.

Great. Good.

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