The Bellboy Page #2

Thank you very much. I...

Back, back!

Back!

We're gonna go in the elevator and we're

gonna go single file like nice people.

- Remember, hold it. Leon?

- Yes, chief?

- Who are all these people?

- They all work for you.

Who's the guy with the straw hat?

He's the guy that tells you who we are.

That's good. I wouldn't have known.

I got such a bunch of people.

This is a very nice room.

Where's the bed? Oh, it's the elevator.

Wait, don't push.

That's it. Just file in.

Move to your left. That's it. Now let me

get in. Let me get into the side.

That's it. Get off.

You're stepping on my suede...

Will you stop with the brushing?

I'm awfully sorry, Ben. These people

are just so overanxious.

I appreciate it.

You've got to have your staff.

I've got a barber and a gardener

and people assisting me.

When I do the shows I try my best

to do what I can to perform

and I need the elements and

all of these people function for me...

Stop brushing.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Yeah.

But there couldn't be two of them. Right?

Right. Hey, Stanley couldn't be

a Clark Kent, could he?

Don't be silly.

But he could be a Lamont Cranston.

Bell captain.

He didn't? I'm sorry, sir.

Yes, sir, right away.

Front boy.

That brown rawhide bag goes up

to the Lewis entourage. On the double.

Stanley. On the double!

- There you are.

- For me, Mr Berle.

Yes, ma'am. There are a lot

of autograph hounds.

Mr Berle, my little daughter sings.

She sings every time the neighbours

come over. What should I do?

Move.

Deliver this to Milton Berle right away.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- Please?

- Sure, young lady.

You know, you look like a girl I know

from New York.

Were you ever...? Just a minute, son.

Are you down here with your mother?

Your mother's down here with you?

Just a minute, son, please.

There you are, young lady.

Would you do me a favour?

You must learn never to interrupt

anybody when they're busy.

I don't care what you want to say, but

you must learn etiquette, politeness.

Don't look over there. Look at me.

Be a good boy. Never interrupt people.

The rudest thing to do is to interrupt

people when they're trying to...

Oh, you have a message for me.

I'm sorry. I didn't know. Here's a tip.

Milton.

Hi, Milt.

What's the matter?

- Milty?

- You wouldn't believe it.

You wouldn't believe it.

Milton, what's the matter?

- Message for Jerry Lewis.

- Right here, boy.

- Mr Lewis.

- Yes?

Thank you.

What's the trouble, sir?

Nothing. You wouldn't understand

or believe it.

There's a lot of kooks in this hotel.

Straighten up there!

Let's go.

- Where's Stanley?

- I don't know.

- We said we'd wait for him.

- We'll miss the first race.

Stanley, the races go on in 20 minutes.

You're off duty now.

- We'll talk later. Let's go.

- Go get dressed.

Let's go. We'll meet you outside.

- Where's Stanley now?

- Who knows?

- Let's go.

- We're late already.

He's a speedy boy!

What do you think, Herkie?

I can't make up my mind.

How about you, Dave?

I'm thinking.

Sonny, how does it look to you?

Well, I don't know.

Looks like our friend Flicka

has vanished again.

- Where did this kid go?

- He probably went to make a bet.

I don't have to go nowhere

to bet he's into mischief.

Attention, please.

May we have your attention?

Due to circumstances beyond our

control we have to cancel the first race.

We are very sorry. Please make

your bets for the second race

and all the first race bets will be

refunded at the windows. Thank you.

Locker room. Is Stanley down there?

OK. Thank you.

Have you seen Stanley

out there by the pool?

All right. Thanks a lot.

Coffee shop. Have you seen Stanley?

Which Stanley?

The only Stanley in the world.

Is there anything I can do for you, sir?

Front boy! Stanley, take over

for a few minutes. I'll be right back.

All right. What's the matter with you?

You've seen pretty girls before.

We've had model conventions before.

When these girls are here in this hotel,

they're treated like any other guest.

What you do during working hours

is our business.

And what you do after working hours

is our business. Don't fool around.

Remember, no girl is that important.

I think.

Mr Novak, you know I'm very faithful

to this hotel and to you.

I do my job and keep from bothering

you with a lot of petty annoyances.

Today, something happened

I've got to tell you about.

When the models convention came

into the hotel, the bellhops lined up

and as the models came in,

every single bellhop grabbed a girl.

They jumped out of line, grabbed a girl.

Every single one of them had a girl.

Except me,

and I think it's pretty darn unfair.

I keep telling you, I keep telling you,

I keep telling you,

and I keep telling you,

stop spending money.

I'll stop spending money

when you stop spending money.

Don't live my life for me.

I wouldn't, except that

I have to live it with you.

- Shut it!

- Shut what?

- Your big mouth.

- My big mouth?

If you measured it,

you'd find my mouth is just a pinhole

compared to the hollow tunnel

you've got.

- You asked for it.

- Don't hit my husband.

Young dog. Where do you come off,

butting in on our business?

Don't you dare! How dare you?

Busybody, nosy.

Mind your own business.

Come on, honey.

Don't pay any attention to him.

He don't know what he's talking about.

My darling!

I'm telling you, either you see to it that

your men are dressed neatly and clean

or there's going to be trouble.

We're not running a gymnasium.

This is a very high-class hotel.

- Do you understand?

- Yes, sir.

- I'll say it again. Neat, clean, nice.

- Yes, sir.

Good taste, good clothes, refinement,

distinction. That is very, very important.

Put this in my cabana.

Bell captain.

No, sir, I'm sorry,

you'll have to call room service.

Company, halt!

- Left face!

- Left face!

This will be a half-hour break.

March! Hup, hup, hup!

Bell captain.

Sit down. There's no one there.

What do you want? A green light?

Sit down and eat your food.

And shut up!

As I was saying,

when someone pushes you around

and keeps pushing you around,

soon you're not gonna be around

to get pushed around.

- Bravo. Bravo!

- You're always right, boss.

Remember what I'm telling you.

Go tell Dead Eye to take it easy

or else it's gonna be very hot.

I think you're wrong. We're not gonna

get anywhere with muscling anybody.

Things today are different

than they were.

Why can't you just be sweet?

"Can't you just be sweet?"

I don't want to be sweet!

I want to be the way I always was -

miserable.

I want to be like they say on television,

"an ornery critter".

Now remember what I'm telling you.

Get hold of Dead Eye

and kick a hole in his chest.

Knock his brains out,

bite his jugular vein.

And remember one thing. No violence.

Here's a kid with an honest face.

Tell me, am I right or are they right?

There, you see? I'm right.

That's what I like.

A kid what's got class.

Esther, if we don't get a room

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