The Benchwarmers

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- Throw it here.

- Come on, Nelson, throw it in here!

- Yeah! You almost had it!

- I get one more?

Strike three!

- Here you go. There it is.

- Gretchen, you almost had it.

- Dang it.

- Nice throw.

I got a ladder. I'll get it.

Just tell Mrs. Donnelly it's on the roof.

She can get it whenever she wants.

That's good thinking, Clark.

I'll just have 80-year-old

Mrs. Donnelly climb on her roof.

Okay, cool. Thanks.

Clark. Hey.

I was kidding. You can't do that.

All right, fine.

Here, give her one of these.

- This is yesterday's paper.

- Well, at least it's not on the roof.

Clark, don't pick your nose

in front of me, please.

I'm not picking, I'm scratching.

What are you scratching,

your brain?

Yeah, because it's huge.

Chain break! Not now!

I have 86 houses left.

Can you fix it?

- Gus, what should I do with this?

- I'd flick it.

Nelson leans in and gets his sign.

Here comes a fastball.

Swing and a huge miss

by Gretchen Peterson.

Hey, losers. We have a practice

scheduled here. You gotta go.

- I thought your practice was at 4:30.

- It is.

We wanna have a practice

before our practice.

- Oh, okay. Can we hit with you?

- No, you suck.

Why don't you go home

and build your science projects.

Look, there's room for all of us.

We'll just play catch off to the side.

Listen, we have a game tomorrow...

...and there's only one field

to practice on.

So beat it!

Maybe this is a sign

you should get a car.

My mother said I should hold off

getting my license one more year.

You know, just to make sure

my reflexes are fully developed.

- Stop!

- Hold him, Kyle!

Troy, I think he wants

some of your famous beef stew.

- Beef stew! Beef stew!

- Stop!

Beef stew! Beef stew! Beef stew!

No, no, no.

No, stop it.

Hey! Get off him!

Later, fart face.

Yeah, you better run!

- Are you all right?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

Need us to call your parents

or something?

It actually...

...didn't taste as bad as you'd think.

Nelson, wait!

Let's just go to my house!

Oh, I love beef stew.

Why do kids have to be

so fricking cruel?

You know, I haven't been on

an actual field in almost 20 years.

I've never even been on a field.

If I tried, the kids in my neighborhood

would spit loogies on my forehead.

That's awful, Clark.

Baseball is America's pastime.

That's like saying

you've never had apple pie.

You've never had apple pie?

Well, my mom said

it would give me diarrhea.

That's ridiculous.

You have to try it at least once.

Diarrhea?

No. Baseball. It's the best.

Let's come back here later

and hit some balls.

Can I bring Richie?

He's never played either.

- Yeah, bring Richie. Let's say 4:00.

- All right.

Hold on. My mom's sending me

a text message.

No way!

We're having macaroni tonight!

That means garlic bread! Yes!

Awesome!

- Excuse me.

- Yeah?

I rented this

on your recommendation.

It's nothing but a lame story

with lesbian sex scenes.

And you didn't like it?

I watched it with my parents.

It was uncomfortable.

- Come on, it's kind of hot.

- No, it's not.

All right, I'm sorry.

I'll recommend this:

Haunted Slumber Party.

- It's actually a pretty decent film.

- No lesbian sex scenes?

- I think there's two.

- You're a pig.

- Hey, Richie, are you off yet?

- Easy. I can't leave this second, Clark.

I don't get to work for an hour a day

like you, paperboy.

Gus wants us to

hit some baseballs with him.

Clark, we don't play baseball.

I told Gus we'd be there, Richie.

And if we don't go,

that makes me a liar.

And that's not what I'm about.

Not now, not ever.

All right, Daytime Emmy.

Hey, Marty, I'm gonna split early,

all right?

I don't even know who you are.

Bros before ho's, dude.

Liz, honey, do you know

where I packed my baseball mitt?

No. Gus, if we conceive this month,

we would have the baby in January.

It would be fun to have

a New Year's baby.

I can't find it.

January also has a higher

percentage of it being a girl.

I found it. I found it.

I found my mitt, Liz.

It was in the old trunk.

Be serious. This is important.

My ovulation peaks at 6:00 tonight.

All right, honey, I love you.

I'll see you later.

Remember, Gus, 6:00.

Gotta keep your eye on the ball.

You just think of that?

You're an amazing coach.

Just focus, you'll be fine.

Just watch me.

With this vest, it's hard to swing.

It's tight, you know.

Quit picking your nose, Clark.

Let's go. Look alive. Coming to you!

You just lost your membership

at Video Spot!

Dang it.

Hey, mister,

we have this field reserved.

You were the ones

picking on that kid today.

So? You douche bags

have to get off this field.

- Where's your coach?

- None of your business.

We have practice here,

so go, ho!

Hey, well, no coach, no field. Sorry.

Leave our field,

or you'll pay the consequences!

What is this, Children of the Corn?

I'm gonna call the cops.

We are cops. We're Navy SEALs.

- Navy SEALs aren't cops.

- Aren't you our paperboy?

I'm undercover.

All right, you cocky jerks, you want

the field so bad? We'll play you for it.

But there are nine of us

and three of you.

So you should beat us no problem.

- What, are you scared?

- No.

Yeah, chicken.

I'm gonna go ask our team.

This is a bad idea. They look tough.

I saw that demon boy laying beef

in some nice kid's mouth earlier today.

Clark used to get beef

laid in his face all the time.

- Oh, and you didn't?

- I got wedgies, that's different.

It's cooler.

- We'll do it.

- Time to meet your makers.

Makers of what? Poop?

Coming down!

- Balls in.

- Don't worry, you'll be fine.

- Get your position down.

- Troy, strike this loser out.

- Strike!

- Yeah. Nice one, Troy.

Don't swing if it's not

in the strike zone.

- Where's the strike zone?

- Strike two!

Right there.

- Strike three.

- Three, you're out!

- What a loser.

- Sit down, spaz.

- That kid's throwing heat.

- Heat, schmeat.

One out!

Gonna be two outs!

Hey, I bet you're a real good catcher.

Of doughnuts, in your mouth.

- Strike!

- Don't chop at it.

- It's not a sword.

- You're not a sword.

- Come on.

- Strike two.

- Oh, that's ugly, man.

- Strike out, video boy.

Come on, now.

- Strike three!

- I caught it. You're out.

- But I ticked it. It hit the bat.

- You're still out.

You're still fat. I ticked it!

- I ticked it. Gus, you see that?

- Way to make contact on that one.

You know what? I was trying

to get under it to rip it into left...

...and throw them off,

but the dog barking threw me.

- What dog?

- He ran to the bushes.

It's cool now. All right, go, Gus.

Come on! Let's get rid of these dogs.

- Strike him out quick!

- Get this guy out!

- Move in.

- You're going down, shorty.

- Guy's got nothing.

- Come on, give him a fast one.

All right, Gus! Awesome!

All right! Yeah!

- He just did that steroid-free.

- What's steroids?

Something that makes

your pee-pee smaller.

- There must be steroids in macaroni.

- Let's go.

Yeah!

Nice!

- Here we go.

- Batter up.

Batter up!

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