The Benchwarmers Page #2

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Strike!

Not so fast!

You're supposed to catch it

with your glove, not your face.

Yeah!

I don't need lip from you,

son of Satan.

- We're still in this thing.

- It's okay. Next time.

You're out!

You're out!

Strike three, you're out!

- Come on, Troy. Let's go, Troy.

- He can't hit you. Come on.

- Yes!

- Yeah, Gus! Are you okay?

It's over!

Three, you're out!

Sorry. Shoot.

Get another homer for us, Gus.

- Yeah, smack it in the butt.

- Whatever that means.

I'm gonna keep this one in play.

Give the infield a workout. It's 17-0.

What an idiot.

Come on, Troy, destroy him!

Strike him out. Strike this loser...

Come on, Kyle, are you okay?

- What happened?

- Get up.

- Hey, get him up.

- Kyle, you okay?

- Ball's still alive, chumps.

- Dude, he's gonna score.

Should somebody call 411?

He's fine.

He got the wind knocked out of him.

What's that noise?

- Get him! Get him!

- Get him!

I think he just got the wind

knocked back into him.

Gus, why didn't you play in

high school? You're incredible.

The whole bully thing, and jocks.

I didn't wanna deal with it.

Those butts! You could've gone

to the Super Bowl.

Yeah, that's the past.

- Hey, Richie, where's your brother?

- Howie! Come out, the guys are here.

Is he still dealing with agoraphobia?

Yeah, dude, he hasn't left the house

in six months.

There he is.

- Hey, Howie.

- How's it going, buddy?

Hey, guys.

How did hitting the balls go?

We played an actual game

against real people. It was classic.

All these punk teenagers are like,

"Get off our field."

We're like, "We'll play you for it."

And we did, and we beat them.

- I hit a foul, dude, it was sweet.

- It was awesome.

You gotta videotape it next time

so I can see.

- Buddy, just come with us.

- No. No.

It's not that scary. And you could use

a little sun, trust me.

Outside, bad. The sun, scary.

He's not my friend.

He wants to hurt me. Safe room.

- I know. Sun, bad. You, cuckoo.

- All right.

You know the best part about

winning a baseball game?

- What's that?

- Going to Pizza Hut to celebrate.

Richie?

Oh, yeah. Okay, buddy.

- Is that apple juice?

- No.

Honestly, you have

real natural athletic skills.

You could be a terrific ball player.

When you throw it to me,

and I catch it...

Not with my face, but with a glove.

- I like it.

I am starting to get the fever.

Dude, this chick is so hot.

What's going on?

Nothing. Just refilling the bar.

I love salad.

Yeah, it's...

...good and good for you.

I love salad.

That was some Barry White sh*t.

Very smooth.

Yeah, I work it when I have to.

- How's "Ms. Pac-Man" treating you?

- That red ghost is kicking my balls.

Yeah, that's them, Uncle Jerry.

Richie Goodman and Clark Reedy?

What were you losers doing

on my ball field today?

- Clark was. I was home.

- They were with me.

We were just hitting balls. These kids

showed up and we scrimmaged them.

That is priceless.

Clork the Dork and Richie Bitchy

playing baseball.

- Why is that so funny?

- Because they're retards.

They should stick to what they know:

Boogers and dingleberries.

You, stay away from my field...

...or I'll have my 12-year-old nephew

kick your ass.

Nice meeting you, Fairy Jerry.

- What was that?

- You gave them nicknames.

I thought I'd give you one.

Fairy Jerry.

- Oh, really?

- Really.

Okay, Gus.

Gus...

- Gus Bus.

- What?

That's you. Gus Bus.

Wow, that was a brutal comeback.

Let's go, guys. I don't think

I'll ever recover from that.

Man.

You stay off my field.

Stay away from the fairy dust, Jerry.

- "Gus Bus"?

- Shut up, Troy.

It was the coolest, Gus.

Never seen anybody stand up

to Jerry like that.

I knew guys like that where I grew up.

They think they can do whatever.

I just wanted to say...

...that was great, the way

you put Jerry McDowell in his place.

That was no big deal.

Well, unfortunately for all of us...

...Jerry's in charge of

the baseball league for the county.

Hey. Are you the kid

that got farted on earlier?

Yes. This is my son Nelson.

He's become the fart magnet

for the neighborhood bullies.

I also get a healthy smear

of animal turds twice daily.

When I was your age, Fairy Jerry

dumped a bucket of dog poop on me.

His son just did that to me

last week.

I tried to talk to Jerry. He just laughed

and gave me a titty twister.

Guys like that don't realize

the damage they're causing.

I couldn't agree more.

By the way, thanks for hitting

Kyle Wilson in the chest with the ball...

...then letting me rip one

right in his mouth earlier.

It was one of the best days

of my life.

This car is so radical.

Looks just like K.I.T.T.

From the show Knight Rider.

It is K.I.T.T. From Knight Rider.

Watch this.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm K.I. T. T.

Who are you?

I'm just one of those nerds

who grew up...

...to make billions.

Maybe I'll see you guys

around sometime.

It was a pleasure to meet you all.

Easy, Mel.

I have yet to perfect the peel-out.

- It was fine.

- No, no, no. That was cool.

- Yeah.

- Chicks were checking you out.

Try not to destroy me

completely, Mel.

Hey, honey, I'm home.

- Where have you been?

- I was with Clark and Richie.

I am on an ovulating schedule.

You were supposed to be here at 6:00.

I thought you meant

Central Mountain Time.

Did you mean

Pacific Standard Time?

- Why would you think that?

- Because you're from Colorado.

Don't you ovulate

according to where you're born?

Gus, that's just weird.

So from now on,

it's Pacific Standard Time.

Pacific Standard Time.

I'm all over that, baby. I love you.

Check out this mitt. It's all black.

I look like a Borack warrior

from the Captain Mighty series.

Well, get a load of Mega Mitt.

Hey! Hey! What the...?

Watch it!

Clark? Richie?

I hardly recognize you clowns

without underwear on your head.

Brad. You have really

not slimmed down.

Oh, eat me.

So I heard from Jerry you tools

think you're athletes now.

I didn't know "athlete"

had three syllables. "a-tha-lete."

That's "ama-za-zing."

You think you're hot sh*t

because you know words.

Why don't you be a stud

and point us toward the register.

Or "register-er."

My team practices today at 5.

Swing by if you she-men wanna lose.

You can't handle the truth!

- Bring it!

- Suck it!

Gus!

Gus!

He can't hear us.

Hey, fellas.

- You okay, Richie?

- Yeah, I'm fine. Just purple nuts.

We just had a run-in with one of our

old bullies at the sporting goods store.

- What happened?

- He said we're wussies...

...and he challenged us to a game.

- I don't know if you can leave work.

- Of course I can.

I'll mow this later.

Let's take this guy down.

I think I'm gonna puke.

Grab my arm.

Bobby, this one's coming for you.

Focus and give us a double play now.

Let's go!

Thattaway. Good job.

Looks like the Three Muske-queers

decided to show up.

Everybody, get your butts in here.

Time for us to scrimmage some losers.

Yeah, we got a "scrim-im-age."

Come on!

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