The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel Page #5

by the great Lord Kitchener himself,

and many of its fixtures have

remained unchanged since then.

Yes, I see that.

Perhaps you could tell me a

little about the clientele.

Any maharajas, wealthy

widowed landowners?

It is not the policy of this club to

divulge details of our members, madam.

- Good morning, Your Excellency.

- Very good morning.

Where do I sign up?

The admission fee

is 120,000 rupees,

and, thereafter, it will be

I wonder if I might get a little

discount, owing to my status.

Your status, madam?

Yes. One was rather hoping

to fly under the radar,

but one is a member

of the royal family.

Which member, madam?

I'm Princess Margaret.

It is most certainly

an honor to meet you, madam.

And may I say

how well you look,

especially taking into account

that you died nine years ago.

Your real name please, madam,

and 120,000 rupees.

You know where he goes.

I know you know,

but you won't tell me.

I can get Hobnobs out here,

you know. I know a way.

As many as you like.

Milk or plain.

Public records office.

My mother doesn't

want us to be married.

She hasn't met me yet.

She doesn't need to meet you.

She knows you're

not from Delhi,

that you have no family money,

and you work in a call center.

You're part of a modern India

she cannot welcome.

Then you must tell her what you want.

I'm trying.

Try harder.

Do you love me, Sonny?

My feelings for you cannot

be reduced to a single word.

It's a nice word.

People like hearing it.

You know, it will be easier to talk to

my mother when the hotel is a success.

And what if it isn't?

Everything will be

all right in the end.

And if it is not all right,

then it is not yet the end.

Sonny!

It will succeed.

It has to.

Because then you can

stand up to your family?

Because then

I can stand next to you.

Are you all right,

auntie?

Uh, yes. I'm about to make the

first public speech of my life.

Imagine them naked.

Sorry?

It's the way not to be scared

when speaking in public.

You imagine people naked.

Well, I'm afraid I gave that up

several years ago.

Let's see.

Oh, dear.

Excuse me. Would there be any

wealthy single men in this evening?

Uh, there is one.

Perhaps you could

seat me next to him.

This way, madam.

His Royal Highness,

Prince Michael of Kent.

I'll have that back.

Thank you very much.

Ready? Yes.

- Ring me up.

- Ring you up-

As you would.

You know, dial my number.

It's ringing.

Hello.

Good morning, madam.

And how are you today?

Oh, no. That won't do for a start.

That's much too nursie.

I feel as if I'm on my deathbed.

If I could just take a few moments

of your time to tell you about-

How long

will you actually take?

Twelve minutes.

Then you've lied to me already.

No, I can't talk to you.

I'm watching TV.

Why does she need

Well, we believe the longer we

keep our customers on the phone,

the more receptive

they'll be to our message.

It's my favorite program.

Yes, but I really think if you

heard some of our special-

No, no. Don't talk like a robot.

Now just talk to me.

You've heard

I'm watching TV.

- What are you watching?

- Oh, a marvelous program...

where a chap talks to

a panel of young women...

whose boyfriends have all

slept with their mothers.

[All Chuckle 1

Well, the girlfriends' mothers,

I mean, not-

Although-

Anyway, the boys have come on, and everybody's fighting.

It sounds amazing.

Hang up right now.

- I'm Sunaina.

- Good. Now that's very good.

Evelyn. Evelyn.

Now can I speak to you

about our special offers?

Still too soon.

I obviously want to talk.

Is your husband watching

with you, Evelyn?

No. No, he died.

Um, perhaps you-

You know, I've actually had

a version of this call.

A little while ago, I talked to someone

who was so constricted by the scripts,

well, sales agenda,

that she spoke

without a trace of humanity.

As if she hadn't

realized that...

I was going completely to

pieces at the end of the phone.

You must miss him very much.

Now, sympathy's fine.

But be more optimistic.

Um, but, you know, sometimes

I find when one door closes-

The rest of them stay shut as well.

No, you're right. Of course you're right.

It's a new beginning.

Now what do you want

to talk to me about?

There.

Three minutes?

Well, either I've saved you nine,

or I've talked myself out of a job.

[All Chuckle 1

I still think

you're cramping my style.

Oh, please.

You have no style to cramp.

That lady at the bar

keeps looking at me.

As one would

something in a museum.

Why must you mock?

I just want to

feel young again.

To feel needed as much as I

need, if only for one night.

One wonderful night.

Tell me you don't know

how that feels.

Give me a minute

and then come and join me.

Rejected again.

Many years ago that man over there gave me

the most extraordinary night of my life.

To describe his bedroom skill

as technique would-

- Those drinks not ready yet?

- They say patience is passion tamed.

- I'm Madge.

- Carol.

And this is Norman.

How do you do?

Carol. As in Christmas.

- I suppose.

- Great.

So what brings you

to Jaipur, Carol?

Yes, Carol. What, uh-

What brings you to Jaipur?

Actually, I've lived here all my life.

My father worked for the foreign office.

- You're very Ht.

- Beg your pardon?

- Oh, God.

- You look like you keep yourself in good shape, physically.

Well- I

did join a gym last year.

It cost a fortune,

and I didn't get any fitter.

Apparently, you actually have to go.

Ah!

So, um,

what do you do, Norman?

- Me?

- Yes.

Norman's in business.

Well, I- Yes.

- What business?

- You tell her.

Import-export.

Although nowadays, there's

rather more easier than im.

- If you know what I mean.

- No, I'm afraid I don't.

I have to go and splash

some water on my face.

Please, God,

I drown in it.

Well, look. It's been lovely chatting.

No, it hasn't.

No, it hasn't.

But I really have to go.

Look, Carol, Carol.

Can we drop

all this pretense?

Start again?

I'm not charming.

I'm not good at repartee. And-

My name's Norman,

and I'm lonely.

My name's Carol. So am I.

Day 22.

Like Darwin's finches, we are

slowly adapting to our environment.

And when one does adapt,

my God,

the riches that are available.

There is no past that we can

bring back by longing for it.

Only a present that builds and creates

itself as the past withdraws.

Didn't sleep a wink last night.

The tap in there never stopped dripping.

Ah. I spoke to Young Wasim

about that.

- What did he say?

- No idea. It was in Hindi.

- I thought I might fix it myself.

- You? When?

Well, no time

like the present.

Where is this? Where are we?

Janta Colony, Kachchi Basil

Well, what happened

to my usual route?

Anokhi has invited you

to her home.

Who's Anokhi?

The one who brings

your food.

She wants you to meet

her family.

How soon can I leave?

She wants to thank you

for your kindness.

I haven't been kind.

You are the only one

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