The Best Man Holiday

---

Robyn?

Will you marry me?

Yeah.

I want to make

love to you tonight.

Don't be scared, Murch!

I just thought we had

a connection back there.

We are doing what we must

to build a school where we

can really teach excellence.

And that's really

what I wanted to do.

Who was that pop-tart?

Shelby, it's over.

Oops.

I am a pimp.

So my future looks mighty

bright, thank you very much.

A long, long, long time ago,

Mia slept with your best man.

I could've killed you last night.

I still could right now.

It wouldn't change anything.

You can hate me forever, man.

But not Mia.

She loves you so much.

Man, you're staring

your ideal woman in the face.

You two are made

for each other.

Daddy's on! Daddy's on!

Let's go down to the

field and start with Pam Oliver.

Wow, Lance,

another 100-plus yards.

That all-time

record is in your sights.

Yeah, it's nice,

but the win is better.

You are fighting for

your playoff lives.

How much pressure do you feel

to perform at a high level?

You know what,

it's no pressure at all.

I love football, but it's my job.

It's not life or death.

I just continue to do my best with

what God gave me, that's all.

- Congratulations. Appreciate it.

- Thanks a lot.

All right, y'all?

And back to you

guys in the studio.

Baby's still breech.

This one is determined to come

out feet or buttocks first.

Everything looks

okay though, right, Doc?

Mmm-hmm. But we need to

schedule a C-section.

It's just safer.

There goes my Sports

Illustrated swimsuit cover.

Airbrush.

- You're due...

- New Year's Eve.

Right.

Great way to celebrate.

And you're still working?

Yeah, she's on her

feet a lot, so...

Is there cause for concern?

Not really,

but given your history,

I'd err on the side of caution.

You're not saying

bed rest, right?

Look, if that's

what it takes, then...

Nothing like that.

Just, if you can, see if you can

take your maternity leave now.

It's nesting time.

Look, it's been

a long journey, you guys.

We are almost there.

HARPER; Oh.

It's the baby.

Oh, hey. Um.

We got another

invitation from Mia.

Ah. I guess she really

wants us there.

Maybe we should go.

Oh, so now you're

interested in going, huh?

It's not my first choice for a holiday

weekend, but it might be fun.

Especially for you.

You've been so

preoccupied with your book.

Yeah.

It'd be good for you

to be with your friends.

Yeah.

Might be a cause

for celebration.

Well, let's not get

ahead of ourselves.

Never that.

Always the pessimist.

Well, that's why

I married an optimist.

I can't sell this.

What? Why not?

Well, because nobody's buying it.

And I've tried everybody.

And I mean nothing.

All right, well, can we self-publish?

Harper, I don't even think

your loyal fans want this.

If they even know you're alive.

You don't even tweet,

for Christ's sakes.

Come on, Stan,

you know I hate that sh*t.

Harper, people have the attention

span for 140 characters,

not 140 characters.

Look. You're only as

good as your last book.

And that was a mild hit back

when Obama was first elected.

Senator Obama.

We need another one of these.

Millions sold.

Months on the New York Times

bestseller list. Months! Look.

"It's groundbreaking.

Sexy, funny, smart. "

And not just

"black people" smart.

You set a very

high bar here, Harper.

Look at that guy.

Vibrant, handsome, hair.

What happened to him?

NYU just laid me off.

Jesus Henry Christ.

When it rains, it pours.

Yeah.

I haven't told Robyn yet.

Why not?

Was there a scandal?

Was it a young, nubile...

Sh*t.

It's too bad. Sex sells.

Seen this?

Don't Hate, Emulate.

I tell you, these housewives,

they're like a gold mine.

Harpy, I've been in

this business a long time.

That novel is not the game

changer that you need.

What am I going to do?

You know what you need to do.

Oh. Stan, no.

Yes.

I will not.

Harper, it is the time and now.

Lance Sullivan.

Your friend, Lance Sullivan.

One of the most popular,

scandal-free athletes of all time.

He's heroic, he's charismatic.

And he's retiring.

I know.

Ka-ching!

You get him to commit to you

being the author of his bio,

you're gonna get an advance like that!

A big advance.

Stan, things haven't been the

same between Lance and me

since I first wrote

Unfinished Business.

And besides, I don't even know

if biography is my thing.

F*** your thing!

This is a check!

Exploit your friend

for capital gain!

This is America!

Merry Christmas!

Hi. This is Robyn.

Leave me a message!

Diversity?

Diversity? Michael, are you

even watching the network?

What do you think

I'm fighting for 24/7?

Listen, I don't care

who you call.

You can call Jesse,

you can call Barack,

you can call Jesus Christ.

But I'm gonna

tell you right now,

that it just doesn't work

for our programming.

Thank you, Michael.

Ugh!

Ooh!

Hate to be on the other side

of that phone call.

Well, you know your people.

So the hermit emerges.

To what do I owe the pleasure?

Hey, what's happening, girl?

How are you?

Good to see you.

Gosh, you too.

You look great.

So do you.

Um...

I was just in the neighborhood,

strategizing with my peeps.

Ah. The latest Harper

Stewart masterpiece.

So when's the debut?

In due time. In due time.

Well, you better hurry up,

because your fans are waiting.

It's been like, what,

three years now?

No, it's been like two.

Really?

Yeah. Two and a half.

No, I think it's more like three.

Anyway.

Anyway.

So, how's Robyn?

Oh. She's good.

That baby's coming soon, huh?

Yeah.

Where are you guys

registered again?

I really wanted to get

you something, but...

A bunch of places.

Don't worry about it.

Where did you get all these?

Oh, that's from the documentary

I did on Reginald Foster.

Oh. The black billionaire.

Yeah.

He was a very

reluctant subject.

Really?

Yeah.

Then how did you get

him to agree to do it?

Oh, you know, Harper,

I never take no for an answer.

If the front door is closed,

I go around the back.

Jordan, I have Brian here.

He's here?

Is that a work thing,

because I can...

- No, you're fine.

- Hey, J.

Hi.

Am I interrupting?

Uh. Not at all.

Lisa said you

were with a friend.

Yeah.

How are you?

Brian McDonald.

Harper Stewart.

All right.

Yeah. "Harp. "

Sure. Harp, of course.

The writer.

Jordan's told me all about you.

On. Ha! on!

Okay. Good to meet you. You

guys are friends from work?

You guys work together?

No, Brian's my boyfriend.

Oh!

Yeah.

Oh! Oh! This Brian.

Okay.

Because I thought you meant

the one... No. Right, Brian.

Brian Mc... McDougal.

McDonald.

McDonald. Yeah, B-Mac.

B-Mac?

B-Mac?

Yes. That's what

she calls you.

- Is that right?

- No.

- Harper!

- Yeah, it's really cute.

So it's good to

finally meet you, Brian.

She will not stop.

She won't stop

talking about you.

Seriously, she won't stop.

I guess that's

nice to hear, right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Hey, baby.

Listen, I'm sorry, but I

got to bail on dinner tonight.

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