The Best Man Holiday Page #2

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The boss is all up my ass.

No, no. It's totally fine.

I get it.

You didn't have to walk all

the way here to tell me that.

You could've called,

you could've emailed,

you could've sent a text.

Yeah, but the damnedest thing,

none of my devices were working.

So I figured I should just come

and deliver

the message in person.

Oh, hey.

I changed my flight.

So I can come

with you to Mia's.

Oh. Great.

But what about Vermont?

The family understands.

If it's important to you,

it's important to me.

You guys want me

to wait outside?

Shut up, Harper.

Don't worry about it.

I got to get out of here.

I only stopped by for a second.

All right, baby.

Mmm.

I'll talk to you later.

Bye.

Nice to meet you.

Absolutely.

I guess I'll see

you this weekend?

Hope so.

Okay.

Brian McDonald.

"I like to ski in

Vermont with my devices. "

I hate you so much.

Get out of my office.

"I like dating

chocolate girls. "

The very last thing

has got me so excited.

With smart boards in

each of the classrooms,

our teachers compete

with anybody in the country.

Julian, you don't have to sell me.

Your school is extraordinary.

Well, that's because

of donations,

from long-time contributors

like yourself, Elliot.

And that's what makes

this even more difficult.

Oh. How do you mean?

Well,

your director of admissions,

Candace Sparks.

Mmm-hmm.

She's your wife?

Yes, she kept her maiden name.

And how did you meet again?

I'm sorry.

What?

Yeah, no, I'll be right back!

Yep!

Hey, how are you?

It's nice to see you.

To see everybody.

1997?

'97, what the...

Oh, my God, look at...

Candace? No.

God, Candace.

Hi, Mr. Murch.

Hey!

Hi. Say hi to your mom for me.

For me.

No, babe.

Oh, God!

Boy, pull your pants up!

No, no, no, don't

Oh, my God!

Are you kidding me?

Are you kidding me!

Oh!

Oh. That feels so good.

Oh! Don't stop.

I think I'm gonna

keep you, Mr. Stewart.

You promise?

Oh. Honey.

I'm sorry things didn't pan out

the way you wanted

with your book,

but the next

great idea will come.

I know it.

Stan thinks I should do

a biography on Lance.

Really?

Yeah.

That's interesting.

So you think I should?

That is another big-time

carry for Lance Sullivan.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Looks like we're

the first to arrive.

Baby, come on now,

you look amazing.

I look like a cow.

You don't look like a cow.

Now, come on.

Sorry, I'm just a little pregnant.

You look beautiful.

Look, I know you're nervous.

I'm not nervous. Just...

Let's not mention my epic

failure of a book to anyone.

Honey, nobody here

is gonna judge you.

You don't know my

friends very well, do you?

Come on, get in here!

Hey, now.

It's been too long.

You look beautiful.

Thank you so much, Mia.

Hey, stranger.

Merry Christmas.

How you doing?

Perfect.

Yeah? Good.

This is just perfect.

Come.

Children, come say hello.

- Hey, you all.

- Hey.

U. Look how big you all got.

You remember us?

Yes, it's good to see

you again, Mr. Harper.

Ms. Robyn.

Hi.

You don't have to be that formal with us.

It's just Harper and Robyn.

Or Uncle Harp,

or Auntie Rob-Rob, or...

You don't have to

call us that though.

Yeah, no, don't.

That's weird.

Here, let me take your bags.

Can I take your coats?

Oh. How nice.

Okay, this is off.

What a beautiful dress.

Merry Christmas.

Merry Christmas.

So polite.

Do you have a baby in there?

Yes, I do.

It's still baking though.

And look over here,

you must be July.

No?

Let me guess. Summer?

August.

August.

My bad.

Put it there, buddy boy.

Dap it up. There we go.

High-five. Pound it out.

He knows who you are.

Oh, look who's here.

August Wilson is

an American legend,

and a big inspiration

to this cat.

That he is.

And I hope to one

day be on his level.

Oh, yeah?

You got a long way to go.

Your pops, always clowning me.

Just like in college.

The old days.

Hey there, gorgeous.

Hey.

So good to see you.

There is nothing more beautiful

than a woman with child.

Is it a boy or a girl?

Breech, actually.

Yeah, we're just hoping for

a healthy baby. This time.

Harper.

We just wanted it

to be a surprise.

Oh. Well, Harp's good for that.

Gingerbread house-making,

black and white dinner,

talent show,

ooh, spa day!

Story-telling, service day,

church, gift-exchange,

and box seats at

the record-breaking game!

Damn!

And both of their

families are coming, too.

Oh, word?

That's perfect.

Why is that perfect?

Oh, you know, it's Christmas

time, family, friends,

lots of stories,

that kind of thing.

And a lot of work for Mia.

Oh, please, are you kidding me?

She lives for

this kind of a thing.

Well, I don't think Lance does.

He was giving you a hard time.

Oh, no, he was just

messing with me.

If you say so.

Yeah.

Have you thought any more

about pursuing his bio?

His bio...

No, no, not really.

I think that's for the best.

You guys should just concentrate

on being friends again.

Yeah, absolutely.

Let me ask you something.

Does Mia look thin to you?

Really?

You're asking

the pregnant fatty

if another woman

that you slept with

looks skinny?

Shh. Shh.

Don't shush me.

I'm not shushing you.

Oh.

More guests.

Please excuse me.

Girls, slow down, please!

Baby.

Mmm.

We wish we had as powerful

a lobby as they do.

Yeah, but they're

organized and we're not.

If they can get

the word "homo" banned,

we should be able to get "nigga" banned.

Seriously.

Harp, my nigga!

What's up, man?

Merry Christmas!

Robyn! Oh, my God!

Girl, you look so good!

And your titties are huge!

Girl, they won't stop growing.

Fellas, fellas, fellas.

Where you been hiding, slim?

I've been around,

you know, writing.

What's up with you

and brand management?

I don't know why

these white folks pay me,

to tell them what black people are

thinking. Man, I'm light-skinned.

These are Julian's people.

I mean, I love him, but we are

definitely outside the bubble.

But whatever, I can live the

lush life for a few days,

get freaky with my man!

And don't worry, I will

definitely drink enough for two.

Hello!

Make that enough for three.

Oh, God, no.

Shelby.

Hi, Lancie!

Where's the kids?

They're running around

here somewhere. Okay.

Kennedy, go play.

Go, go.

Let me take your coat, Shel.

Thank you, of course.

Do you see that coat?

I'm calling PETA.

That b*tch just killed

15 animals this morning.

Julian.

You're looking well.

Hmm.

Prada?

Nada.

Why has she got to be

up in Julian's face?

Harper,

I heard you had writer's block.

Hi.

Don't.

What? I won't bite,

this time.

Merry Christmas.

Come on, sands.

Let's go. Let's go.

Man, that b*tch is crazy.

But she is fine as hell.

I so dodged a bullet.

Okay.

Right?

I mean, that could have...

A shot to the head.

Are you all good on drinks?

Hey!

Big L, Big L, hanging

up the cleats, huh?

What's next for you? Broadcast

booth, coaching, business venture?

Damn, nigga,

are you writing a book?

That's a good idea.

No. Hey, come on,

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