The Best of Times Page #4

Do you think Taft's lethargic?

Damn right. Proud of it.

You don't think we ought to

rise up out of lethargy

and breathe new life

into the bowels of our soul?

Hell no. We got it made.

No one bothers us.

500,000 people move into L.A.

Annually and make it miserable.

You know how many people

moved into Taft last year?

- Just Arthur and Earl.

- That's right.

And if you ask me Arthur won't last.

Come here, Charlie.

Jack Dundee's going

to be coming in here.

He's got a crazy idea

and needs the men of Taft...

he's going to tell you

I'm part of it, but I'm not.

Whatever he asks,

you just tell him no.

Anything for a brother Caribou.

In short, gentlemen,

we really need the men of Taft

to forge from the foundry of

history a new past and a new future

with, hopefully, a new

present caught in the middle.

In closing, I have to say,

Bakersfield must be destroyed!

Motion's on the floor.

Anyone second it?

Second.

Any motion not on the

agenda requires a second second

before discussion.

Second second?

Second second.

- Discussion?

- Discussion.

Second.

Chair thanks Mac Lynch

for seconding these motions

and opens the floor

to discussing the motion

that Taft challenge Bakersfield

to settle the question of who

or is it "whom?"

- Who.

- Second.

Who was the best...

Bestest. Best. Bestest. Best. Better.

Second.

Better team in 1972.

Discussion.

I'd like to go on

record and say

I despise Bakersfield

as much as any man in this room.

However, we don't need

to get our butts whipped again

by some giant metropolitan city

that has an unfair advantage anyway.

- Exactly.

- Sounds like you're scared.

Yeah! That you'll drop

the damn ball!

0rder!

0rder unto the Caribou!

I'm 0K.

Brother Caribou,

let's not rush to judgment.

Jack may have stumbled

across an idea here.

If Jack, who screwed up so badly,

is willing to replay the game,

then we ought to throw some antlers

in the ring and kick some ass.

Yeah!

Kick some ass.

No one hates the scum of

Bakersfield worse than I do.

Half the old team lives out of town.

And the half that don't

is in miserable shape.

Felipe Rivera's in Fresno,

Luther Jackson lives in San Jose.

0ur whole offensive line

moved away.

Where's Mando, Bam Bam,

and Dickie Larue?

We'll get them back

and we will get in shape.

- We're not organized.

- We'll get organized.

It's against the bylaws.

- What? Getting in shape?

- Sh*t no. Getting organized.

Have we no dignity or pride?

I object to your insinuations!

Sit down, Jack!

0rder to the Caribou!

Lodge bellow!

Aaaoooo!

I say in summation,

Jack's idea, no offense,

is sprinkled with horseshit.

Discussion over!

All those who think Jack's proposition

is horseshit signify by saying aye.

Aye!

0pposed.

No.

Ayes are above nos.

- I propose we head to for bar.

- Second.

Meeting adjourned!

[Telephone rings]

Marcy, I told you never

to disturb me here.

Excuse me for interrupting you,

but the Colonel's on the phone.

Marcy, I can't talk...

- Jack!

- Hello, Herbert.

What's happening?

I've got a problem.

Nobody here wants to play the game.

Having any luck over there?

There's a lot of excitement here.

I got no players, no coaches, nothing.

0h, my god.

Is there any way

I could get out of this?

You've put me in a difficult position

because everyone here's

giddy with expectation.

I suppose I could let you

off the hook, but you'll owe me one.

Jack-o, just kidding!

You went for the fake as usual.

Pardon me?

Jack, say hello to Tony Tiger!

Grrr!

Jack, we'll eat you alive.

All right,

here are the rules.

0nly men from

the '72 team can play.

We'll go fifteen minute

quarters, NFL style.

0ne point conversions.

We're pros, right?

0ne more thing, Iron Hands.

When you put on your uniform,

the jockstrap goes on the inside.

Buy me a drink?

Whatever she wants, Chico.

Reno, it's me.

Darla.

Darla Robinson!

I didn't recognize you!

It's been what, 12 years?

Have you seen Jack?

He drives around the house

every night, circles the block,

and heads to the motel.

- Seen Reno?

- No.

I think he's been sneaking out to

Darla's the past couple of months.

Darla? Please.

Do you think Jack

ever went out there?

0f course not. I'd know.

I remember it

like it was yesterday.

I was standing on the fifty

yard line at half time.

I was the damn homecoming queen,

surrounded by rocket princesses.

And pregnant.

We both screwed up.

What do they want?

It's simple what men want.

What men want is more eye make-up.

Lots and lots of eye make-up.

Heavy liner on the bottom lid.

Thank you, Linda.

Hey, Darla,

I got to ask you something.

How many touchdown passes did

I throw against Porterville in '72?

Six. You were terrific.

You were a terrific bastard, too.

But we were undefeated, so it was 0K.

You seem nicer now.

- Nicer?

- Yeah.

Hit it.

I always dreamed the

boy I loved would come along.

He'd be tall, handsome,

rich, and strong.

Now that boy I love has come to me.

But it sure ain't the

way I thought it would be.

# Sha-la-la-la

Hey, hey, hey #

# Sha-la-la-la

Hey, hey, hey #

# Sha-la-la-la

Hey, hey, hey #

# 'cause you're the boy I love #

# He don't look like a movie star #

# He don't drive a cadillac car #

# Sure ain't the boy I been dreamin' of #

# but sure is the boy I love #

#... when he holds me tight #

# Everything's right crazy

as it seems #

# I'm his wherever he is

and I forget all of my dreams #

# Everybody knows #

# He doesn't hang diamonds

'round my neck #

# And all he's got's an

unemployment check #

# He sure ain't the boy

I been dreamin' of #

# but he's sure the boy I love #

# I'm his wherever he is #

# But don't forget all

of your dreams #

# But I love him so #

# He doesn't hang

diamonds 'round your neck #

# And all he's got's an

unemployment check #

# Sure ain't the boy

I been dreamin' of #

# But sure the boy I love #

# Whoa-ho-ho. #

Bakersfield kicks ass!

Who was that?

Who the hell did that?

Damn tiger!

I'm going to kick his ass!

I'll kill that bastard.

0f all the dirty tricks!

There's a lunatic out there.

Lunatic, my ass.

It's Bakersfield.

What's is going on here?

Chickenshit son of a b*tches.

It's terrorism.

Simple god damn terrorism.

We've been violated.

I don't understand this.

That's how they work.

They confuse you,

then divide and conquer.

That's how terrorism works.

Damn right.

1971 wasn't 42 to 0.

That was 35 to 0.

This graffiti's all wrong.

0h, my god!

Charlie.

They broke my gavel.

Attacking symbols

of office and authority.

It's nihilism, I tell you.

They defaced our women.

We must redeem our dignity and pride.

We'll redeem your

dignity and pride.

My dignity and pride

are just fine, thanks.

I know you're upset.

No sh*t!

We'll kill Bakersfield for you, ma'am!

Well, I don't care.

You understand that?

She cares.

I propose a vote without

a quorum...

that Reno Hightower was the greatest

quarterback in the history of America!

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