The Best Thief in the World Page #2

How was physical therapy?

[Brakes squealing]

Come back here,

guys.

Just step back.

You'll have to wait

for the next bus. Sorry.

We have to take

another bus.

[Speaking indistinctly]

Look out, sammy.

Look out.

Oh, please work.

And if it's not, we're gonna

have to do something else

instead of this.

And then

it will open.

Sammy, come here, honey.

You're gonna wait right here

for me, okay?

Susan.

How nice to see you.

Hi.

My goodness!

You brought the whole gang.

Here's the happy clan.

Izak, amy, samuel.

You having a nice summer?

Yeah.

Hi, paul. Glad to see

you're out of the hospital.

How are you feeling?

He's fine.

The stroke

gave him aphasia.

Some days are better

than others, but...

you're okay, right,

paul? [chuckles]

Shall i come back?

Please.

The kids can stay...

they'll wait.

I just had no idea

he was so bad.

He's not so bad.

He's in and he's out.

He's just...

he's out right now.

And the insurance thing

never got worked out?

He can't stay

at the hospital?

He's home, though,

which is nice.

God, they really do treat

teachers badly, don't they?

Yes. Yes, they do.

He always such a...

strong spirit, you know?

Jesus, susan,

i'm so sorry.

What can i do?

I need time, debbie,

for paul to get better

and to figure it out.

What if he doesn't

get better?

He will. I just can't work, and

i can't afford to lose my job.

Uh, how many sick days

do you have?

I don't need sick days.

I need six months.

I can be back right after

the winter holiday.

That's out of my hands, sue.

That's the school board.

I mean, we don't have enough

money to hire teachers as it is.

Okay, then.

Thanks.

So it's not okay to blame me

or the school

for the difficult situation

you find yourself in.

I'm sorry.

I don't blame you or the school.

I'm not a stupid woman.

I know you'll do

what you can.

[Kids speaking indistinctly]

No, honey...

you're a good brother.

Go on.

Go on ahead.

Go on ahead,

you guys.

Jesus! Mom?

Hello yourself.

That's some greeting.

You don't answer the phone,

you don't write.

I took the bus.

No big deal.

From michigan?

Yes, of course.

It was from michigan.

It's a waste of money,

these airplanes.

Flying all over!

I don't care.

It makes no difference

to me.

Bunch of thugs on the bus,

same as everywhere.

What happened to this one?

He had a stroke, ma.

I told you that.

Looks terrible.

I knew this would happen.

I knew all these years.

You have no idea what's going

on, so don't judge, okay?

Just give me a second.

I haven't had a chance

to clean up.

Looks like a pigsty.

I know, mom.

Jesus.

Uh...

see where i get my

sweet disposition from?

Sit down.

Take a load off.

It's selfish, susan.

Disgraceful and selfish

raising your kids here.

You should come home

where you belong.

I told you once,

i told you a thousand times...

okay, shut up.

This is my home.

Oh! "shut up,"

she says!

Listen to this one.

Wait till you hit bottom.

Then we'll see who

you're shushing up.

It'll happen, susan.

Look at you.

Susan!

Look at you!

I can't.

I'm leaving.

You live here.

Well, i meant

to the bedroom.

To the back of the house.

I know where i live.

[Sighs]

[Grunts]

Ow.

You don't have to

hurt yourself.

Just draw a little blood.

Now i can show you.

You feel any different?

No.

You'll see.

See, you should always still

have what you're gonna buy.

Not everything.

This way, you maximize your game

and minimize your risks.

Check this out.

All right.

Oh, sh*t!

I don't believe it!

You try.

Anybody can do it.

$1.50.

Oh.

Um, my bad.

Yo, Izzy, you got

50 cents?

You want a bag?

Yeah.

Thanks.

Hey, yo, man.

The guy didn't even hesitate.

He was like, "yo, kid,

hand over the money."

It's because you weren't

smooth about it.

It's all mental.

Look guilty, you are guilty.

I just ain't got it, kid.

You the man.

[Men on tv

speaking indistinctly]

Izzy, is that you?

Uh, yeah.

What are you doing?

I don't know.

I guess i was sleepwalking.

Sleepwalking?

I guess. I don't know

what i was doing.

Go back to sleep, honey.

All right, goodnight.

Sorry.

Good night.

[Beat box music plays]

Stop.

Hey, yo, yo, yo.

This is "sorry to talk

about your mother."

[Rapping] i'm sorry to talk

about your mother

but she's in my class

she got the popcorn titties

and the rubber ass

she's 99,

she look like frankenstein

she's the first motherf***er

at the welfare line

she got the popcorn titties

and the rubber ass

bye.

"Oh, we're safe!"

Whoosh!

"Ohh! Ohh!"

[Water running]

[Singing indistinctly]

Come out, come out,

wherever you are.

Is anyone home?

I just came in

through your house window.

Anyone hear me?

[Woman moaning on tv]

[Clicking tongue]

[Telephone rings]

Hello?

Man:

Yo, is joel there?

Sorry, you must have

the wrong number.

What number were you

trying to reach?

Uh, let's see...

555-1972.

Sorry, this is 555-2972.

All right.

Sorry, man.

Listen, don't ever make

that mistake again

or i'll find you

and slit your f***ing throat,

got it?

Woman:
You've reached

jesus and maria garcia.

Please leave a message

after the tone.

[Answering machine beeps]

Hello,

jesus and maria garcia.

My name is joel.

I'm just sitting here in my

apartment naked

wearing a cowboy hat.

I have this gun,

and i'm pointing it

right at my head.

I'm thinking about

blowing my brains out.

I'm absolutely,

completely f***ing serious.

Call me and see for yourself

if you don't believe me.

My number's 555-1972.

Thanks. Bye.

[Ringing]

[Telephone ringing]

Hello?

Hey, mom, it's me,

your son.

I'm just checking in so

you know everything's okay.

Where are you?

I just stopped by my

friend's house to pick him up.

You're lying.

Why would you

think that?

Because i know you,

Izzy,

and you only left

a little while ago.

The only reason you would call

is if you were up to no good

and feeling guilty

about it.

What's that music?

I gotta go.

I'll talk to you

about this later.

I love you. Bye.

Sh*t head.

Yo, what's up?

This is last ups.

We got next.

F*** it. If i gave you $25,

would you come with me

and keep it a secret

where we're going?

Man, you know you ain't

got no $25.

Get out of here

with that s...

oh, sh*t!

Is that real?

Of course it's real.

All right, then,

let's bounce.

Mom, just leave it.

I said i'd do it.

You're a wreck.

Sue, sit down.

Mom, i know i don't have

all the answers right now...

no, you don't.

Why do you have to be

so mean?

You're gonna hate yourself.

Susan, i know.

This one is a vegetable.

You live in a war zone.

Come home where it's safe.

This is my home.

This is your funeral.

[Dishes clattering]

You never listen

to nothing.

Mark my words.

God, why do you always

do this to me?

I just want to

strangle you or...

just

scratch your eyes out.

Just get out.

Why?

Just get out.

You'll regret this.

I don't care.

God, why do you always...

you just...

every time,

every f***ing time,

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