The Big Green Page #2

---

try something else with it?

Man, where'd you learn

to do that? -Prison!

Ow! -What?

Well, that's a joke, isn't it?

Um, I learned it in

school in England,

which is another

country far from Texas.

I have another idea. Do

you want to follow me?

Oops!

Whatever.

Here we have it. A

football. -I don't think so.

I think it's Mrs. Curdley's

old kickball, ma'am.

No, no, it's a ball. And if we use it

as a football, it becomes a football.

No, ma'am. Footballs aren't round.

They're more shaped like a lemon.

Oh. Well, that's right. What I call

football, you call soccer, so...

This is a soccer ball.

We don't play soccer.

-Yeah, it's for foreigners.

I'm a foreigner.

-Well, we're American.

And we don't like

soccer. -Let's go outside.

Isn't it time to

go home? -Whatever.

Right, that's the bell. What do you

say we all stay and have a practice?

Let's just stay. -Juan,

where are you going?

We need you. Don't

you want to try?

We don't need him. Let him go.

So let's have a

practice, shall we?

Give it a kick.

Hold up there, youngsters!

Good thing I happen to

be in the area, ma'am.

Cars come whizzing down this

street like there's no tomorrow.

I haven't seen a car pass all

day, Sheriff Tom, except for yours.

Five times! -Just

doing my job, ma'am.

Deputy Dawg's in love!

-Deputy Dawg's in love!

All right. All right.

All right. All right.

All right. Zip it, midgets!

I'm just fooling with you. I'm just

fooling, I never talk like that to you.

Anyway, what you doing?

-We're playing football.

Football? -Yeah.

This ain't football. I know football.

-This is what the world calls football.

All right, guys, let's

all get in a circle.

Let's kick the ball

backwards and forwards.

This is called passing.

Nuh, uh-uh. You should pass

them in the air for the pigskin.

You know, like, "First

and ten, do it again."

It's Troy Aikman right

to Emmitt Smith. Boom!

If you give me a hand,

we'll discuss it. Very good!

I got it! I got it!

Great! You guys are

great. This is so exciting.

Oh, you're showing

such potential.

They are awful.

OK, you guys, I want to talk to

you. That's the end of the day.

Whoa! -Two points, Larry.

All right. You

all tired? Good.

So listen, while you

were all practicing,

I called the school board and

I got us in a league in Austin.

Unfortunately, their

season started last week,

so our first game's

gonna have to be tomorrow.

Tomorrow? As in the day after

today? -That's what we call tomorrow.

In Austin? -That's, like,

a million miles away.

Look, all you have to do

is believe in yourselves.

Why? -Well...

Because we believe in

you. Don't we, Sheriff Tom?

Don't we believe in them? -Yeah,

yeah, of course. Of course we do.

Even if we did decide to go,

how we gonna get there? Walk?

That's a good question. Um...

Sheriff Tom, can you

do me a personal favor?

Name it. -Can you help me

drive the kids to Austin?

Oh... Well...

Yeah, I'd love to.

Can you also do me another

small, personal favor?

Anything, pretty much. -All

right, we're short a player.

Uh... What do you think? -I'd

never pass for a 12-year-old.

I mean, what do you think

about getting us a kid to play?

Well, you know, I... I'm... I got

a lot of things to do, and I...

Well, what do you say, Deputy

Dawg? You gonna help us?

Yes? -Miss Morales?

What do you want? My

kid didn't do anything.

No, course not, course

not. I'm here as a coach.

You see, gice

Montgomery's trying to put

together a soccer team

over at the school.

Juan doesn't play soccer.

-Well, none of the kids do.

But he doesn't like sports.

Well, maybe he'll learn.

It's an after-school thing.

I want him to come

right home after school.

If you'd like to

think about it.

I don't need to think

about it. Thank you.

Ma'am?

I don't think she likes me.

Why? -I explained why.

But if I don't play soccer,

I'll never make friends.

I am your friend.

-You're my mother!

There's no reason to make friends.

We'll only be here a short time.

You'd just be sadder when

we left. Come on, let's eat.

I'm not hungry.

Hey, Newt, what's

up? -Not much.

I found a part of a

tailpipe and an old shoe.

You seen anything good?

Nah. Look, I come here to ask you

to play soccer with the big kids.

See, they're fixing to start a

team, and we're down a player.

Wow! Nobody ever asks me to do

anything. Of course I'll play!

Good. Thing is, we got a game

right now. -Wow! A soccer game?

What's soccer anyway? -Well,

it's kinda like kickball

mixed with that there hockey.

Well, I don't know nothing about

kickball or hockey, but I'm your man.

Oh, Sheriff Tom! -Don't

touch my hat, boy.

This is ground control. Would

you do me a personal favor?

Zip it! And I'm getting upset now! I'll

cut a switch and I'll tan your hides!

What did I do? Why are you

hitting me? -He's hitting me!

And you boys just relax now.

Come on, boys. Settle down!

I swear, I'll deny

it. I'll deny it all.

Are we here to play

soccer? -No, sir!

Why are we here?

-To win soccer, sir!

I can't hear you, let's do it a little

louder. Are we here to play soccer?

No, sir!

Why are we here?

-To win soccer, sir!

All right, you're

killing grass. Let's move!

Let's go, let's

go. Here we go, now!

Pick it up, guys.

Come on! Come on!

We're playing these guys?

-At least we practiced.

All right, bring it over

here. Let's go! Right here.

Hey, is that the

team we're playing?

They don't even look like a team. Hey,

what do you turkeys call yourselves?

Hey, you guys,

what's our name?

We don't have a name.

We'll tell you later!

-They brought a goat!

Look, he just happened

to be in the car, OK?

We didn't bring

him on purpose.

Yeah, right. -I

wanna smell sweat.

Wait a minute. I know him.

K-N-l-G...

Hm. Looks rather tough.

-He was a real blockhead.

Tom, long time no see. -It's

been a few years there, Jay.

Well, va-va-voom! I'm Jay Huffer.

Tom and I grew up together.

That was back when we were

both young and innocent.

Must 've been when he was

a blockhead. -Excuse me?

She's from England, Jay.

There's a language situation.

This is Anna Montgomery. She's

an exchange teacher in Elma.

I got out as soon as I graduated.

Only losers stick around.

Hey, my kid's the leading

scorer. How's your kid doing?

Don't have a kid.

Really? And you're

coaching? Why bother?

Love of the game.

Hey, come on. I thought

we were gonna play now.

Just a second, Newt. Go on back

and we'll be with you in a minute.

The little kid's playing?

That's right, we're mixing up the

sixth, seventh and eighth graders.

Yeah, enrollment's down

since we been there, Jay.

Whoa, wait a minute. You

got girls on the team?

In our league, girls

have their own teams.

Well, we don't have

enough kids for that.

So... you got little

kids and you got girls?

Yes, that's right.

I guess they didn't tell you. We won

the league championships last year.

We, uh... We were undefeated.

It might be different

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes