The Big Green Page #3

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this year, Jay-Jay.

Come on, Anna.

Well, good luck.

They got little kids

and girls on the team.

This is not soccer.

Gentlemen, this is not soccer.

I hate that creep, and

I can't stand his kids,

even more than I

can't stand our kids.

All right, you midgets. You

better win or you're walking home!

Hi. I'm Larry.

Go on, get it! -Concentrate!

Get it! -Watch

where you're going!

Oh, no!

That's my boy.

That's a Knight!

Flank to the right.

Just suck it in. Suck it in.

-Stay with it. Stay with it.

The Knights! The Knights!

Ooh! Ow! Ow!

Pass it!

Don't lay on back, just go in

there and get aggressive with 'em!

Yes! Score!

Whoa!

They're horrible. -That's

the spirit. Keep 'em down!

Knights, that's 8-0!

Men, we're up 10-nothing.

It's moments like these

that build character.

What do we do when we're

clearly superior to the enemy?

Go for the throat? -Exactly.

We show no mercy.

We do not let up.

We go for the kill.

Now, let's take into consideration

that this is a learning experience.

Let's all get back out

there and concentrate,

and let's try and

have a good time.

Hey, we may not be the

sharpest tools in the shed,

but we know the difference

between a good time and a bad time.

And this is not a good time.

That's the right place!

Oh, come on, Larry!

And score!

16-nil! Let's keep it moving.

Come on! Come on! -Get

in there! Tackle 'em!

Darlin', tackle 'em?

This ain't football!

Tackle means get the ball off of him.

-Well, excuse me. Does she know that?

Penalty kick!

Oh, man! Like a straight-arm!

Like old Bubba Smith!

Call me a stud, Jay, but I'll

tell you something, she got him.

Little ol' girl got your

boy. Sorry there, Jay! Whoo!

Maybe I can get into

this. -Way to go, Kate.

Game! That's game!

Let's go, Knights.

Get off me! You'll

never take me alive! Aah!

Everybody in! Hands in. Let's sound

off. Let's tell them who we are.

Two, four, six, eight!

Who did we decimate?

What were their names again?

They're not good enough to

have a name or even uniforms.

They're nothings from

nowhere. -Knights.

Two, four, six, eight. Who did we

decimate? The Nothings! The Nothings!

The Nothings! Yeah!

We're not the Nothings from

Nowhere. We're the Elma Nothings.

Is it over yet?

Do us a favor and

learn the rules!

Well, Tom, we're a

high-scoring team, but 18-nil?

That's good, even for us.

Tommy, a suggestion: Lose

the girls. Even better...

Lose 'em all. Find

yourself some talent.

Of course, I don't know how

you're gonna do that in Elma!

All right, victory

lap! Let's go, Knights!

Good game! That's a Knight.

There we go! There we go!

All right! All right!

All right! Good game!

Come on, what are

you waiting for?

Come on, let's go! Round the field!

Round the field! Round the field!

What a jerk! -Catch

you later, loser!

Come on, Kate. You tried.

-We're all proud of you.

Why? We tanked.

Well, technically

speaking, yeah.

Yeah, but you all played,

and that's what's important.

What's important is

that we never play again.

Can we get out of here?

This is embarrassing.

Yeah, come on, ya'II.

Let's go. -This stinks.

Do you know what I think? I

think after a good night's sleep,

they're all gonna feel

very differently about this.

I wouldn't count on it.

Give me a few minutes

before you start.

I speak their

language. -You got it.

OK, children.

Now you all have experienced

the agony of defeat. Big time.

Whoo! Now, I first started

playing organized sports... Hello.

...when I was about your age

right there at the Big Green.

Now, you see, we weren't very

good, but we never gave up.

There was a day...

-I have a question.

Good, good! Exactly!

Participation, you see, it's a key.

Fire away, big guy.

While you're

here... -Uh-huh.

Who's giving

speeding tickets and

picking up dead animals

off the highways?

I love the children.

First rule:
No questions

about anything. Go ahead, Anna.

Come on, you don't fool us. You

don't know jack about soccer.

Now, I may not know

all the rules, but I

do know a thing or two

about kicking a ball.

Check this out,

gice Attitude.

Whoa! -What a kick!

Good show! -Ow. Right.

Wow! Now I see why put

you on the billboard.

Well, thank you kindly.

Listen, if you guys

practice, you know,

maybe the town will give

you a billboard of your own.

Before we could ever be on a

billboard, we'd have to get a name.

Even bad teams have names.

How about the Big Green? You know,

the old sign. That's our field.

That's pretty good.

-That's a good idea.

Hey, good idea, Newt.

So I guess we're the Big Green.

-Yeah, now if only we could play.

Look, nobody plays

well without practice.

Now we've got to

start with the basics.

Now in soccer training, there

are four different areas:

Right. -Fitness, technique,

tactics...

-Uh-huh.

...and game psychology.

-I knew that.

All right, let's all line up.

Boys and girls, right down here.

Everybody, come on. Come

on, Katie, Lou and Sue.

Pardon me, Lou. Sue and Lou. Come

on, go in there, Larry. Excellent.

Ah... Sheriff Tom? You might

want to join them in line.

It looks to me like you've

had one nacho plate too many.

OK, if you wanna

play soccer properly,

you've got to be able to

run for at least an hour.

If I ran for an hour

it'd kill me. -Ditto.

That's right. But we're

gonna work up to that hour.

Now today we're gonna

run for 12 minutes.

You ready? Let's go.

Come on, midgets, get

your butts in gear!

Come on, gice Montgomery's

talking to you.

Deputy Dawg, you owe us.

Come on, Katie,

get up. Come on,

Evan, come on. Tak, get

on. Lou and Sue, everybody.

I wore boots today.

Sheriff Tom's gonna pay for this

one! -Come on! Get going! Keep it up!

Faster! Faster! Faster!

Come on! Come on!

Come on, come on, come on! Faster!

Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!

My feet hurt. -My shins hurt.

So, what do you think?

-We'll never last.

I'll see you guys later.

Hey, you want to

come over my house?

OK. One lesson apiece.

No telling anyone. Ever!

Hold on, everybody!

? On the road again

? Just can"t wait to

get on the road again

? The life I love is

making music with my friends

? And I can"t wait to

get on the road again

? On the road again. Going

places that l"ve never been

? Seeing things that

I may never see again

? And I can"t wait to

get on the road again

? On the road again

? Like a band of gypsies

we go down the highway

We love you, Deputy Dawg!

Kate, I know you can do this.

Come on, I'll probably just end up

being a checker at the Piggly Wiggly.

So what difference

does it make?

You don't fool me, Kate.

I know how smart you are.

And even checkers at Piggly

Wiggly will need math too.

No, they don't. They have those

little black stripes on all the things.

It adds it all automatic.

Look, giving up before

you've ever really

started is a sad way

to live your life.

You keep your

talents hidden and

undiscovered, you'll

only cheat yourself.

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