The Big Lebowski Page #19

DUDE:

Jesus!

DIETER:

Vee belief in nossing, Lebowski!

NOSSING!!

The marmot, back on the floor, is skittering around, shaking

itself and convulsing in little sneezes.

DUDE:

Jesus Christ!

FIRST MAN:

Tomorrow vee come back und cut off

your chonson.

DUDE:

Excuse me?

FIRST MAN:

I SAY VEE CUT OFF YOUR CHONSON!

The three men turn to leave. Over their retreating backs:

SECOND MAN:

Just sink about zat, Lebowski.

FIRST MAN:

Ja, your viggly penis, Lebowski.

SECOND MAN:

Ja, und maybe vee stamp on it und

skvush it, Lebowski!

NORTH HOLLYWOOD AUTO CIRCUS

A policeman with a clipboard is leading the Dude through a

large parking lot.

POLICEMAN:

You're lucky she wasn't chopped, Mr.

Lebowski. Must've been a joyride

situation; they abandoned the car

once they hit the retaining wall.

They have reached the Dude's car. The driver's side

exterior has been scraped raw. The policeman hands the Dude

a door handle and an exterior rear-view mirror.

POLICEMAN:

These were on the road next to the

car. You'll have to get in on the

other side.

The Dude climbs in the passenger side.

DUDE:

My f***ing briefcase! It's not here!

POLICEMAN:

Yeah, sorry, I saw that on the report.

You're lucky they left the tape deck

though.

DUDE:

My f***ing briefcase! Jesus--what's

that smell?

POLICEMAN:

Uh, yeah. Probably a vagrant, slept

in the car. Or perhaps just used it

as a toilet, and moved on.

The Dude tries to roll down the driver's window but it will

not go; he bellows through the glass:

DUDE:

When will you find these guys? I

mean, do you have any promising leads?

The policeman laughs, agreeing broadly.

POLICEMAN:

Leads, yeah. I'll just check with

the boys down at the Crime Lab.

They've assigned four more detectives

to the case, got us working in shifts.

The Dude looks sadly through his window at the policeman

rocking back on his heels, his raucous laughter muffled by

the glass.

BOWLING ALLEY BAR

The Dude, Walter and Donny sit at the bar, the Dude with a

White Russian, Walter with a beer, and Donny eating beer

nuts.

DONNY:

And then they're gonna stamp on it?!

WALTER:

Oh for Christ--will you shut the

f*** up, Donny.

DUDE:

I figure my only hope is that the

big Lebowski kills me before the

Germans can cut my dick off.

WALTER:

Now that is ridiculous, Dude. No

one is going to cut your dick off.

DUDE:

Thanks Walter.

WALTER:

Not if I have anything to say about

it.

DUDE:

(bitterly)

Yeah, thanks Walter. That gives me

a very secure feeling.

WALTER:

Dude--

DUDE:

That makes me feel all warm inside.

WALTER:

Now Dude--

DUDE:

This whole f***ing thing--I could

be sitting here with just pee-stains

on my rug.

Walter sadly shakes his head.

WALTER:

F***ing Germans. Nothing changes.

F***ing Nazis.

DONNY:

They were Nazis, Dude?

WALTER:

Come on, Donny, they were threatening

castration!

DONNY:

Uh-huh.

WALTER:

Are you gonna split hairs?

DONNY:

No--

WALTER:

Am I wrong?

DONNY:

Well--

DUDE:

They're nihilists.

WALTER:

Huh?

DUDE:

They kept saying they believe in

nothing.

WALTER:

Nihilists! Jesus.

Walter looks haunted.

Say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism,

Dude, at least it's an ethos.

DUDE:

Yeah.

WALTER:

And let's also not forget--let's not

forget, Dude--that keeping wildlife,

an amphibious rodent, for uh,

domestic, you know, within the city--

that isn't legal either.

Rate this script:4.3 / 3 votes