The Big Lebowski Page #22

Smoke is wisping up from between the Driver's seat cushion

and back cushion.

DUDE:

Fuckola, man.

He takes his beer and pours it in between the cushions.

There is a hissing sound. But there is a piece of paper

sticking out from between the cushions.

The Dude pulls it out.

It is lined spiral notebook paper, slightly singed and

dripping beer, covered with handwriting. In the upper right-

hand corner is the name Lawrence Sellers, and under that,

Mrs. Jamtoss 5th Period. The theme is titled "The Louisiana

Purchase." In red ink is a large circled D and some

handwritten marginal comments; misspelled words are circled

in red throughout.

CRANE JACKSON'S FOUNTAIN STREET THEATER

We are behind Walter, the Dude, and Donny, facing the stage

in the background where Allan, the Dude's balding landlord,

is performing a dance moderne.

As Walter talks to the Dude he leans in to him, his voice

hushed, so as not to disturb the rest of the very sparse

audience.

WALTER:

He lives in North Hollywood on

Radford, near the In-and-Out Burger--

DUDE:

The In-and-Out Burger is on Camrose.

WALTER:

Near the In-and-Out Burger--

DONNY:

Those are good burgers, Walter.

WALTER:

Shut the f*** up, Donny. This kid

is in the ninth grade, Dude, and his

father is--are you ready for this?--

Arthur Digby Sellers.

DUDE:

Who the f*** is that?

WALTER:

Huh?

DUDE:

Who the f*** is Arthur Digby Sellers?

WALTER:

Who the f--have you ever heard of a

little show called Branded, Dude?

DUDE:

Yeah.

WALTER:

All but one man died? There at Bitter

Creek?

DUDE:

Yeah yeah, I know the f***ing show

Walter, so what?

WALTER:

F***ing Arthur Digby Sellers wrote

156 episodes, Dude.

DUDE:

Uh-huh.

WALTER:

The bulk of the series.

DUDE:

Uh-huh.

WALTER:

Not exactly a lightweight.

DUDE:

No.

WALTER:

And yet his son is a f***ing dunce.

DUDE:

Uh.

WALTER:

Yeah, go figure. Well we'll go out

there after the, uh, the.

He waves a hand vaguely toward the stage.

WALTER:

What have you. We'll, uh--

DONNY:

We'll be near the In-and-Out Burger.

WALTER:

Shut the f*** up, Donny. We'll, uh,

brace the kid--he'll be a pushover.

We'll get that f***ing money, if he

hasn't spent it already. Million

f***ing clams. And yes, we'll be

near the, uh--some burgers, some

beers, a few laughs. Our f***ing

troubles are over, Dude.

RESIDENTIAL AREA

The Dude and Walter are pulling up in front of a dilapidated

house sitting on a scrubby lot. Parked incongruously in

front of the house is a brand new red Corvette.

DUDE:

F*** me, man! That kid's already

spent all the money!

WALTER:

Hardly Dude, a new 'vette? The kid's

still got, oh, 96 to 97 thousand,

depending on the options. Wait in

the car, Donny.

THE FRONT DOOR:

Walter rings the bell. It is opened by a matronly Spanish

woman.

WOMAN:

Jace?

WALTER:

Hello, Pilar? My name is Walter

Sobchak, we spoke on the phone, this

is my associate Jeffrey Lebowski.

WOMAN:

Jace.

WALTER:

May we uh, we wanted to talk about

little Larry. May we come in?

WOMAN:

Jace.

They enter a dim living room and stand, looking about, as

Pilar

CALLS UP THE STAIRS:

PILAR:

Larry! Sweetie! Dat mang is here!

There is a rhythmic compressor sound; Walter places it and

nudges the Dude. At the other end of the living room a man

lies on something that looks like a hospital gurney with its

midsection enclosed by a motorized stainless-steel bubble.

It is an iron lung, artificially breathing with distinct

hisses in and out.

WALTER:

That's him, Dude.

VIVA VOCE:

And a good day to you, sir.

PILAR:

See down, please.

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