The Big Lebowski Page #23

WALTER:

Thank you, ma'am.

He and the Dude sit on a sagging green sofa. In a lowered

voice, to Pilar:

WALTER:

Does he, uh. . . Is he still writing?

PILAR:

No, no. He has healt' problems.

WALTER:

Uh-huh.

HE BELLOWS ACROSS THE ROOM:

WALTER:

I just want to say, sir, that we're

both enormous--on a personal level,

Branded, especially the early

episodes, has been a source of, uh,

inspir---

There are footsteps on the stairs. Larry, a fifteen-year-

old, looks at the two men.

PILAR:

See down, Sweetie. These are the

policeman--

WALTER:

No ma'am, I didn't mean to give the

impression that we're police exactly.

We're hoping that it will not be

necessary to call the police.

He adopts his command voice in turning to Larry:

WALTER:

But that is up to little Larry here.

Isn't it, Larry?

Walter pops the latches on his attache case and takes out

the homework, which is now in a ziploc bag. He holds it out

at arm's length, displaying it to Larry.

WALTER:

Is this your homework, Larry?

Larry does not respond.

WALTER:

Is this your homework, Larry?

DUDE:

Look, man, did you--

WALTER:

Dude, please!. . . Is this your

homework, Larry?

DUDE:

Just ask him if he--ask him about

the car, man!

Walter is still holding out the homework.

WALTER:

Is this yours, Larry? Is this your

homework, Larry?

DUDE:

Is the car out front yours?

WALTER:

Is this your homework, Larry?

DUDE:

We know it's his f***ing homework,

Walter! Where's the f***ing money,

you little brat?

Throughout Walter has been staring at Larry with the homework

extended towards him.

WALTER:

Look, Larry. . . Have you ever heard

of Vietnam?

DUDE:

Oh, for Christ's sake, Walter!

WALTER:

You're going to enter a world of

pain, son. We know that this is

your homework. We know you stole a

car--

DUDE:

And the f***ing money!

WALTER:

And the f***ing money. And we know

that this is your homework, Larry.

No answer.

WALTER:

You're gonna KILL your FATHER, Larry!.

FINALLY, IN DISGUST:

WALTER:

Ah, this is pointless.

As he shoves the homework back in the attache case:

WALTER:

All right, Plan B. You might want

to watch out the front window there,

Larry.

He is heading for the door. The Dude, puzzled, rises to

follow him.

WALTER:

This is what happens when you F*** a

STRANGER in the ASS, Larry.

OUTSIDE:

Walter is striding down the lawn with his attache case like

an enraged encyclopedia salesman. Without looking back at,

the Dude, who follows:

WALTER:

F***ing language problem, Dude.

He pops the Dude's trunk, flings in the briefcase and takes

out a tire iron.

WALTER:

Maybe he'll understand this.

He is walking over to the Corvette.

WALTER:

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY!

CRASH! He swings the crowbar into the windshield, which

shatters.

WALTER:

YOU SEE WHAT HAPPENS?!

CRASH! He takes out the driver's window.

WALTER:

THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU F*** A

STRANGER IN THE ASS!

Lights are going on in houses down the street. Distant dogs

bark.

WALTER:

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS, LARRY!

CRASH!

WALTER:

HERE'S WHAT HAPPENS! F*** A STRANGER

IN THE ASS!

CRASH!

A man in a sleeveless T-shirt and boxer shorts has run over

behind Walter and grabbed him from behind on a backswing of

the crowbar.

MAN:

WHAT THE F*** JOO DOING, MANG?!

He wrestles the crowbar away from the startled Walter.

MAN:

I JUS' BAWDEEZ FUCKEEN CAR LASS WEEK!

Walter cringes before the enraged Mexican.

WALTER:

Hunh?

The man looks about, wildly.

MAN:

I KILL JOO, MANG! I--I KILL JOR

FUCKEEN CAR!

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