The Big Lebowski Page #28

The Dude is staring off into space, thinking. His answer is

absent.

DUDE:

No, the, uh, police chief of Malibu.

A real reactionary. . . So your

father. . . Oh man, I get it!

MAUDE:

What?

The Dude is leaving the bedroom.

DUDE:

Yeah, my thinking about the case,

man, it had become uptight. Yeah.

Your father--

LIVING ROOM:

The Dude finishes punching a number into the phone.

PHONE VOICE:

This is Walter Sobchak. I'm not in;

leave a message after the beep.

FROM THE BEDROOM:

MAUDE'S VOICE

What're you talking about?

Beep.

DUDE:

Walter, if you're there, pick up the

f***ing phone. Pick it up, Walter,

this is an emergency. I'm not--

WALTER:

Dude?

DUDE:

Walter, listen, I'm at my place, I

need you to come pick me up--

WALTER:

I can't drive, Dude, it's erev

shabbas.

DUDE:

Huh?

WALTER:

Erev shabbas. I can't drive. I'm

not even supposed to pick up the

phone, unless it's an emergency.

DUDE:

It is a f***ing emergency.

WALTER:

I understand. That's why I picked

up the phone.

DUDE:

THEN WHY CAN'T YOU--f***, never mind,

just call Donny then, and ask him to--

WALTER:

Dude, I'm not supposed to make calls--

DUDE:

WALTER, YOU F***ING A**HOLE, WE GOTTA

GO TO PASADENA! COME PICK ME UP OR

I'M OFF THE F***ING BOWLING TEAM!

MAUDE'S VOICE

Jeffrey?

THE DUDE:

He emerges on his front stoop, pulling on a shirt. His

attention is caught by something down the street.

HIS POV:

A car is parked halfway down the block. We can see the

shape of a fat man in the driver's seat.

THE DUDE:

Striding purposefully down the street.

HIS POV:

The fat man leans forward and we hear the sound of the car's

ignition coughing, but the engine will not turn over. More

whines and coughs; no start.

The man hurriedly fumbles in front of him. He brings up a

newspaper, which he holds before his face.

THE DUDE:

As he gets to the car. He reaches through the open driver's

window and grabs the newspaper and hurls it to the ground.

He is revved with nervous energy.

DUDE:

Get out of that f***ing car, man!

The man nervously complies. The Dude flinches at the man's

movement as he gets out.

The man cringes, reacting to the Dude's flinch.

He is wearing a cheap blue serge suit. He is bald with a

short fringe and a mustache.

The Dude shouts to cover his fear:

DUDE:

Who the f*** are you, man! Come on,

man!

MAN:

Relax, man! No physical harm

intended!

DUDE:

Who the f*** are you? Why've you

been following me? Come on, fuckhead!

MAN:

Hey, relax man, I'm a brother shamus.

The Dude is stunned.

DUDE:

Brother Shamus? Like an Irish monk?

MAN:

Irish m--What the f*** are you talking

about? My name's Da Fino! I'm a

private snoop! Like you, man!

DUDE:

Huh?

DA FINO:

A dick, man! And let me tell you

something:
I dig your work. Playing

one side against the other--in bed

with everybody--fabulous stuff, man.

DUDE:

I'm not a--ah, f*** it, just stay

away from my f***ing lady friend,

man.

DA FINO:

Hey hey, I'm not messing with your

special lady--

DUDE:

She's not my special lady, she's my

f***ing lady friend. I'm just helping

her conceive, man!

DA FINO:

Hey, man, I'm not--

DUDE:

Who're you working for? Lebowski?

Jackie Treehorn?

DA FINO:

The Gundersons.

DUDE:

The? Who the fff--

DA FINO:

The Gundersons. It's a wandering

daughter job. Bunny Lebowski, man.

Her real name is Fawn Gunderson.

Her parents want her back.

He is fumbling in his wallet.

DA FINO:

See?

The Dude looks at the picture.

It is probably a school portrait, unmistakably Bunny, but

fresh-faced, much younger looking, with a corn-fed smile and

straight Partridge Family hair and bangs.

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