The Big Lebowski Page #29

DUDE:

Jesus f***ing Christ.

DA FINO:

Crazy, huh? Ran away a year ago.

He is holding out another picture.

The Gundersons told me to show her this when I found her.

The family farm.

A bleak farmhouse and silo are the only features on a flat

snow-swept landscape.

Outside of Moorhead, Minnesota. They think it'll make her

homesick.

DUDE:

Boy. How ya gonna keep 'em down on

the farm once they seen Karl Hungus.

He hands back the picture.

She's been kidnapped, Da Fino. Or maybe not, but she's

definitely not around.

DA FINO:

F***, man! That's terrible!

DUDE:

Yeah, it sucks.

DA FINO:

Well maybe you and me could pool our

resources--trade information--

professional courtesy--compeers, you

know--

We hear distant yapping, growing louder with the hum of an

approaching car.

DUDE:

Yeah, I get it. F*** off, Da Fino.

And stay away from my special la--

from my f***ing lady friend.

The Dude steps out to meet Walter's car as it pulls up, its

passenger window open and the pomeranian leaning out and

yapping.

DENNY'S

Four people sit at a booth: Dieter, Kieffer, Franz, all in

black leather, and a young woman with long stringy blonde

hair, wearing torn and patched jeans and a ribbed sleeveless

tee-shirt, worn thin with age. She is apparently braless,

and is teutonically pale with birthmarks on her face and

arms.

Notable is her camera-side leg, which ends in a bandage-

swaddled foot. Dried rust-colored blood stains the tip of

the bandage. The four are arguing, loudly, in German.

They seem very unhappy. A waitress enters with a checkpad

and pen.

WAITRESS:

You folks ready?

The German shouting stops. Dieter looks sourly up.

DIETER:

I haff lingenberry pancakes.

KIEFFER:

Lingenberry pancakes.

FRANZ:

Sree picks in blanket.

The woman speaks to Dieter in German. He nods.

DIETER:

Lingenberry pancakes.

WALTER'S CAR

Walter's eyes are on the road as he listens, driving, to the

Dude, whose speech is occasionally punctuated by yaps from

the back seat.

DUDE:

I mean we totally f***ed it up, man.

We f***ed up his pay-off. And got

the kidnappers all pissed off, and

the big Lebowski yelled at me a lot,

but he didn't do anything. Huh?

WALTER:

Well it's, sometimes the cathartic,

uh.

DUDE:

I'm saying if he knows I'm a f***-

up, then why does he still leave me

in charge of getting back his wife?

Because he f***ing doesn't want her

back, man! He's had enough! He no

longer digs her! It's all a show!

But then, why didn't he give a sh*t

about his million bucks? I mean, he

knew we didn't hand off his briefcase,

but he never asked for it back.

WALTER:

What's your point, Dude?

DUDE:

His million bucks was never in it,

man! There was no money in that

briefcase! He was hoping they'd

kill her! You throw out a ringer

for a ringer!

WALTER:

Yeah?

DUDE:

Sh*t yeah!

WALTER:

Okay, but how does all this add up

to an emergency?

DUDE:

Huh?

WALTER:

I'm saying, I see what you're getting

at, Dude, he kept the money, but my

point is, here we are, it's shabbas,

the sabbath, which I'm allowed to

break only if it's a matter of life

and death--

DUDE:

Walter, come off it. You're not

even f***ing Jewish, you're--

WALTER:

What the f*** are you talking about?

DUDE:

You're f***ing Polish Catholic--

WALTER:

What the f*** are you talking about?

I converted when I married Cynthia!

Come on, Dude!

DUDE:

Yeah, and you were--

WALTER:

You know this!

DUDE:

And you were divorced five f***ing

years ago.

WALTER:

Yeah? What do you think happens

when you get divorced? You turn in

your library card? Get a new driver's

license? Stop being Jewish?

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