The Big Noise Page #3

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- Thank you, Ollie.

- Demitasse?

- Thank you.

- Could I have mine in a mug?

- I beg your pardon.

A mug, M-U "ug," mug.

And bring me a toothpick.

- I'm glad you enjoyed your dinner.

- It was delicious. I'm stuffed.

I bet the hash will be

good tomorrow night.

You have a surprise in store for you.

Tomorrow night, we're going to have

a suckling pig with all the trimmings.

- With an apple in its mouth?

- Definitely.

Make yourselves at home.

I have a little work to do

before we get started...

...so you'll excuse me.

- Yeah.

Don't forget, if you need us,

blow the whistle.

- I won't.

- Good night.

- Goodbye. Good night.

- Good night.

Oh, Mr. Hardy,

you look so much like Romeo.

Do you know, Mr. Hardy...

...you remind me so much

of my dear departed husband.

Really?

- Would you like to see my album?

- We'd love to.

What?

Two is company.

Oh, Mr. Hardy,

you just beam with personality.

Now, this was my first husband,

Ebenezer.

One day, he spilled rum on

his whiskers...

...lit a cigar and that was the end

of Ebenezer.

And this was Henry.

I took him for a long walk

on a short pier and he never came up.

Sunk?

- He gave me these.

- Oh.

You're a detective, ain't you?

Better tell the big fellow to

watch out, she's got her eyes on him.

I know the signs, she's out

to make him the sixth.

- The sixth what?

- Sixth husband.

They all died strange deaths.

I took them all

for better or for worse.

- But not for long.

- No.

Take my advice and break it up

before it's too late.

I'll break it up right now.

Listen, you've got

to break this thing...

Pardon me. Me first.

Excuse me.

- At your service.

- But, gentlemen, I didn't whistle.

I'm sorry, sir, but l...

I distinctly heard you myself.

Oh, I'm afraid you boys

have eaten too much turkey.

You had better retire

to your room and relax.

I'm a very busy man...

...I'm working on an aeroplane

that requires no wings.

How does it fly?

That's just what I'm working on.

Good night.

He must have given me

the wrong key.

- Let me try it now. Maybe I can fix it.

- All right.

That's got it.

It's stuck.

Maybe you better take your pants off.

See, I can't get...

Come in.

Thank you.

Now that you got your pants off,

maybe you ought to go to bed.

Unpack the suitcase.

Now, what did you wanna bring

these for?

Well, I thought maybe we might want

to go out for a walk on Sunday...

...and I thought we'd better look

well-dressed.

And you know

what else the old man said?

Every time she walks in her sleep,

that's the tiptop.

Not tiptop, tip-off.

And furthermore, the old man doesn't

know what he's talking about.

I'll take care of my own...

And ano...

See, she's looking for you.

What will we do?

Sophie, wake up! Help!

What on earth is going on

around this house?

Sophie, you...

Where on earth am I?

You... You might have wrecked

the whole town if you had dropped this.

Where are those detectives?

- At your service.

- I thought I engaged you gentlemen...

...to guard this explosive.

- That's what we're trying to do, sir.

- We haven't left the room for a minute.

- Not very much protection.

I find a sleepwalker

roaming the house with it.

Do you think he's mad at us?

- Slightly.

- lf anything like this happens again...

...you'll both be discharged, understand?

- Yes, sir.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Maybe from now we'd better sleep

with one eye open.

- I've got a better idea.

- What?

We'll take turns.

I'll sleep for an hour,

and you sit up for an hour.

Then I'll sleep for an hour,

and you sit up for an hour.

Then I'll sleep for an hour,

and you sit up an hour.

That's a good idea.

You sure can figure things out,

Ollie...

...you certainly can.

- Now, don't forget to wake me up.

- I won't.

- Good night.

- Good... Get up out of that.

I'll sleep the first hour.

Would you mind turning out the light.

Oh, Stan, get me out of here.

Get away from there and come here.

I thought I told you to turn

out the lights.

Well, I tried every button,

but the light wouldn't go out.

How many times have I told you,

"If at first you don't succeed...

...try, try again"?

- There's the light button. Why...

- No, just a minute.

I'll turn out the lights.

At your service.

I'm going to make a very

important test of this bomb...

...and I want you two to take a

photograph of the result of the explosion.

- Where's the camera?

- Out in the car.

Well, let's go.

- I'll handle this.

- Yes.

Come on.

That's deep enough.

Now cover it up, but be very cautious.

No, no, don't do that.

Oh, you must be more careful, you might

have blown us all to kingdom come.

We've got to go a good distance away

in order to be safe.

That's going to make a terrific explosion.

- What about the other people here?

- There isn't anyone within 20 miles.

Come on.

Oh, by the way, gentlemen...

...if you'll just put these

in your ears, it'll lessen the concussion.

In fact, with these you won't be able

to hear a thing.

- You couldn't even hear a pin drop.

- Gee, that's wonderful.

- Another of your inventions?

- Oh, yes, indeed.

- Why don't you patent it?

- Oh, I intend to...

...the moment I get around to it.

- He's going to patent it soon as he gets...

- I heard what he said.

How could you hear what he said?

I haven't even heard a pin drop.

Well, if it's all the same to you,

Mr. Hartley, I'd rather hear the explosion.

If you'll just center the camera

on the side of that hill...

...I wanna see

how much damage this will do.

- Yes, sir.

- Wait till I get my field glasses.

Will you get from in front of the camera?

Go sit down someplace.

Well, l...

Stan, do something to help me.

Get this thing off of my head.

This is number 34.

Fine. Drive right in.

Here, I'll take it.

Well, how do you do?

- Just set them down, thank you.

- Okay.

And where's Auntie?

Aged squaw gone down to bank

to get more money.

- And who are you?

- Me Big Chief Rain-in-the-Face.

Delighted to meet you, Big Chief.

My name is Evelyn.

How.

Where's Uncle Big Chief?

Big Chief no ketchum uncle.

Big Chief ketchum father

and grandpa, no uncle.

- How do you do?

- Hello.

- Hello.

- I'm Evelyn.

I'm afraid I don't quite understand.

- Oh, I'm looking for Mrs. Charlton.

- Oh, she lives next door.

- She's supposed to live at 34 Elm Road.

- But, this is 32.

But the sign outside said 34,

and the sign next door said 32.

Oh, that must be Egbert's doing.

Where is he?

- He was here a moment ago.

- You mean, Big Chief?

- Yeah.

- I think he went upstairs.

Oh, well, I'll talk to him later.

May I escort you to the Charlton's home,

Miss Evelyn?

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Let's go, sister.

Oh, no, no, boys. She's a friend.

Oh, pleased to meet you.

The bags, carry them next door

to Mrs. Charlton's.

Come, Miss Evelyn.

- Thank you.

- Thank you.

The bags.

Good heavens. Here comes that kid,

Evelyn, and she's got Hartley in tow.

Dutchy, scram.

Put on your coat and answer the door.

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