The Big Red One Page #4

you should have been in the Medics.

Yeah, I was one...

in Indiantown Gap.

- Where?

- Back in Indiantown Gap, Pennsylvania.

Never heard of it.

Is he dead?

Johnson, you ever notice how no one

talks about home anymore, or women?

Yeah, I noticed.

On the double, boys.

There's a woman in there.

- Is she wounded?

- Easy.

Wounded, hell, she's pregnant.

Christ, she looks like

she's about to pop.

That's what the man said.

Jesus, sergeant, what

are we gonna do?

Get the dead Krauts out of

the tank and get her in it.

Johnson, you're gonna

deliver a baby.

- What baby?

- Her baby.

Her husband said she's got labor

pains five minutes apart.

- Why me?

- You're qualified. Let's go.

Hey. Her legs gotta

be propped up higher.

- Higher?

- Higher! And spread them apart.

Wide apart. Give me

some room, okay?

Face the bullets the other

way, away from her.

Relax, would you?

Okay.

Okay. Go to work.

- We need some hot water.

- What are you talking about?

- No time for hot water.

- Some rubber gloves.

Hey, Griff, break out the condoms.

I need a mask. I can't

get germs on the baby.

- There's more germs in this tank than...

- No mask, no baby.

That's fine. That's fine.

Give me a diaper pin.

Oh, the rubbers, the rubbers.

Easy, easy...

That's the United

States Army for you.

- Take it easy, would you?

- Put them together.

Hey, look. Lady...

I'm a hell of a lot more

scared than you are, okay?

Just take it easy.

Get her hands away.

Okay?

Hey, Johnson, your dog tags.

Come on.

I don't see the head yet.

You're never gonna see

it if she don't push.

- She gotta push, I think.

- What do you mean?

- I think she's gotta push.

- You don't know?

- I know. She's gotta push.

- You're sure?

- I'm sure.

- You're sure?

- Yeah.

- Then do it.

Come on, damn it, push.

Push...

It's no use. She ain't gonna push.

We might as well write this kid off.

- Can't you push for her?

- No, she's gotta...

Look, how do you say

"push" in French?

Hey, Johnson, look. You get the

head, I'll do the poussez-ing.

All right.

Easy, lady. Hey, we all love you.

Hey, hey. I can see it.

I can see his head.

That's it. That's it.

Don't stop, lady.

Come on. Don't stop.

Keep it up. You're

doing great. Push.

Push. Push.

He's coming out. Great.

He's out! He's out!

It's a boy. A boy!

Look at that.

We got a bunch of medals...

not for delivering the kid,

just for killing Krauts.

The whole German army was on the run now.

We were right on their heels.

In September, we slipped across

the Meuse River into Belgium...

ahead of the main American push.

The regiment figures there's a

railway gun chopping them up.

Forward observers in a

monastery right here.

- Why don't we shell it?

- Throw a couple of bombs on it.

There's an underground

fighter living in there.

It's a woman, she's a killer.

Her name is Walloon.

She has a squad plan...

to wipe out the Krauts without firing

a shot or killing one civilian.

A woman in a monastery?

It's really not a monastery. It's an

asylum for retards and insane people.

I say division should bomb it.

Killing insane people is not

good for public relations.

Killing sane people is okay?

That's right.

Let's go.

The Americans are coming

The Americans are coming

Two men in the tower.

Squad. Come on.

Bayonets.

Bayonets.

Beautiful...

I am one of you.

I am sane. I am sane!

For a minute there before I dropped him,

I remembered thinking he might be right.

Now, when you're in a situation where

you can't tell crazy from sane...

that's pretty confusing for a soldier, but

it's good stuff for an aspiring novelist.

I mean, at least that's

what I kept telling myself.

I'll be a son of a b*tch.

My mother sold my

novel to Hollywood.

For Humphrey Bogart and

Edward G. Robinson.

Hey, hey. For how much?

For 15,000 bucks.

We got another Rockefeller

in the company here.

So, what you gonna do

with all the moola?

Well, first, I think I'm gonna

blow 1000 bucks on a squad party.

Only you guys gotta think of the damned

things you wanted to do to a girl.

Hey, Griff.

I'm working on it.

- Vinci?

- Hey...

Come on.

- I'll tell you in a minute.

- Hey, Johnson.

I think I'd like the

most beautiful...

I know what I want.

Who the hell are you?

Kaiser. You patched me up

behind that tank in France.

- What tank?

- I was the one that liked your book, Zab.

Yeah, baby face. Yeah, so, what do

you want? What do you wanna do?

I want a big, zaftig girl...

stick her plump butt against

an ice-cold window...

Yeah?

And just hold it there.

What are you gonna do

with a frozen butt?

Thaw it out.

It may take a while.

Three bursts. Making millions

of splinters, lieutenant.

- They spot your position?

- They're not aiming at us.

They're just hitting the trees.

They've got us pinned down.

Take them out for us.

- But watch out, they've got snipers too.

- Yeah.

Let's go.

Watch yourself, they still

got snipers out there.

I can't see a goddamned thing.

- Griff.

- Ho!

- Zab.

- Ho.

- Vinci.

- Ho.

- Johnson.

- Ho!

Kaiser.

Kaiser?

I'm hit.

Where are you?

Find me...

Did I kill that guy...

that killed me?

Yes.

We thought we'd push through...

but the Krauts regrouped

and counterattacked...

and bumped us back into France.

Lieutenant, we got tanks and

infantry coming at us...

at point 33. Three-three.

We spent the whole winter freezing our

asses off just to take back Belgium.

Kaiser, I'm beginning to see

what you like about big butts!

Sergeant, can you come here so we

can, uh, talk about it, you know?

I'm gonna like winning

this Purple Heart.

He was that close, that's where he

was. Easy target. Easy target.

So he asked me why

I didn't get him.

Everything's gonna be

okay. I guarantee it.

Okay, Zab, you know it's

time to take the hill.

- Take the hill.

- Wait a second. Excuse me, my dear.

Would you help the young

lady down, please, sergeant?

Okay, now let's see.

I...

I paid for this party...

so the hill will be took

when I say it's to be took.

- I beg your pardon.

- Well, okay, sir.

- Now, move.

- Yes, sir.

Come on, let's get on with it. Don't

forget your pieces. Let's go.

Keep your front sight covers on,

or else you'll get a rusty bore.

Let's go. Move it.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

The party was kind of a

last big blowout for us.

The war was almost over and we were sure

we'd be sent back to the rear pretty soon.

As usual, we were wrong.

The sergeant hadn't told us yet, but we

were being sent to a place called Falkenau.

He knew what that meant. We didn't.

I think you got him.

Jew?

Polish.

Czech?

Russian?

He walked around

for half an hour...

before he could bring himself

to put the kid down.

That night, he buried

him in the woods.

Sergeant!

Sergeant!

- Sergeant!

- Sergeant?

Over here.

Where the hell have you been?

I'm not gonna tell you again.

- No lights at night.

- Sergeant, the war's over.

Look, nobody's firing at us.

One minute after

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