The Big Street Page #4

I've been doing it for three months now,

and I'm getting tired of being called names.

Thanks, Mae.

It's none of my business...

...but can't that dame eat nothing

but champagne and caviar?

She's on a diet.

We have taken a poll

among the employees here...

...and the consensus is that

you are a very nice fella.

But slightly mixed-up.

Good night, Louie.

Hello. How do you feel,

Your Highness?

Like an icicle, that's how I feel.

- I brought you some caviar.

- I don't want it.

I'll make some toast and boil an egg.

That's the way you like it.

I'm sick of those stale fish eggs.

I'm sick of this cellar, and I'm sick of you.

Pinks...

Pinks, come here.

I'm afraid, see?

I've been laying here

for all of my life.

I'm afraid I'll never get out.

Sure you will.

I'm cold all the time, Pinks.

Well, it'll be spring soon.

Snow makes the trees bud quick.

It's always a fast spring

when there's lots of snow.

I wanna go where it's warm.

Like Florida maybe.

We can't, Your Highness. No dough.

It won't cost much.

We couldn't even pay half fare

on the train.

- We don't have to go by train.

- Buses cost too.

We could...

- We could walk.

- Walk?

You could.

Baby and me could sit in the chair.

It ain't very far.

A thousand miles I bet.

A thousand miles easy.

It's warm there.

If I got the sun on me,

I'd be the old girl again...

...then nobody could stop me.

I'd be Mrs. Reed so fast, that I'd...

What's the matter, Your Highness?

I'm cold, Pinks.

I'm cold.

You'll be warm soon.

You'll be warm, I promise.

Order.

Gentlemen, let's face it.

We cannot allow Little Pinks to wheel

Her Highness down the Dixie Highway.

- Mr. Chairman...

- Spanish Joe has the floor.

- I make the motion it's ridiculous.

- I second that motion.

- Mr. Chairman.

- My old colleague Horsethief has the floor.

I'm willing to contribute $30

towards two parlor car seats.

Splendid, splendid.

Splendid, splendid.

Well, it's been a tough winter,

but I, too, will give out...

...with 30 paper dollars.

- Mr. Chairman, I wanna...

- Mr. Chairman.

- Spanish Joe.

- They took me to the cleaner...

...but I can afford $ 14.

- Mr. Chairman.

- Mr. Chairman.

Philly the Weeper has the floor.

Mr. Chairman, I have here a solid-gold

watch, Switzerland movement...

...which I will put in the general fund.

- I got 9 bucks.

- Come on.

Close it up. Close it up.

- Here's $5.

- Come on.

I got 9 bucks.

- Come on.

- Close it up. Close it up.

- Here's $5.

- Come on.

Well, Pete the Passer's

getting a little careless.

Well, gentlemen, the sum totals up

to $ 115 and 75 cents.

- And...

- And one gold watch.

- Solid, with a Switzerland movement.

- Yes, yes, yes.

Nevertheless, it's very paltry.

Still, it's better than cutting yourself

with a knife.

We could increase the general sum...

...in the following manner.

Now, I am reliably informed that Hosannah,

in the 5th at Tropical, is a sure thing.

No.

Hosannah is strictly a hay bag.

My recommendation is Celestial

in the 3rd at Hot Springs.

Celestial?

Celestial is practically mucilage.

Now, I would wager the wad

on Shining Star, 3rd race, same track.

Order. Order.

Hosannah. She can run.

Order, or I'll start clopping.

I will now appoint

a subcommittee of two...

...myself and Horsethief, to retire.

And to return again

with the proper recommendations.

- All those in favor say aye.

- Aye.

- All those opposed.

- No!

Now, lookit, here's a horse

that's got a chance...

- A hunch. A hunch. A hunch.

- Proceed with the hunch.

In the 3rd at Tropical,

there's a 2-year-old entitled Dance Girl.

Since that was Her Highness'

former profession...

- All those in favor say aye.

- Aye.

- Opposed.

- No! No!

Listen, it's silly to risk our dough

on my hunch.

Anybody knows that a hunch

can make a dollar faster than a expert.

Meeting adjourned.

Can we make Philadelphia

by tonight, Pinks?

Philadelphia's a long ways,

Your Highness.

We'll make Philadelphia.

Come in.

Excuse me, but I put some

hot chicken soup in this thermos...

...so you will have it for your trip.

You've been very kind,

Miss Lefkowitz.

Mind you, I think this whole trip is plain

meshuga, but I'd like to help a little.

- You've done enough already.

- All right...

...so $5 more wouldn't hurt.

Oh, go ahead, take it.

- Take it.

- Thanks very much.

And give my love to Miss Shumberger

and her husband.

- Sure, we're gonna stay with them.

- Yeah, that's fine.

When you will think of it,

will you send me a postcard?

Sure.

Goodbye, my dear Her Highness.

I hope the sun brings strength

back into your bones.

God bless you...

...both.

That was real nice of you.

The old lady deserved a break.

- Forget the pushing.

- You're going in state.

- Smooth that out.

- Through the courtesy of some citizens...

And a filly named Dance Girl,

we've collected enough...

To send you Miami-wards in style.

- Compartment or drawing room?

- At 38-to-1, maybe a private car.

- Are you sure?

- Absolutely.

That is, absolutely, as soon as

Horsethief gets the results...

...from a character

named Bookie Bob.

Hello, Bookie Bob?

What's with the 3rd at Tropical?

- One, please.

- Now, where do you think you're going?

- Through the tunnel.

- Let's not argue, please. We're in a hurry.

Oh, you are, are you?

You can't wheel nobody

through the Holland Tunnel.

What about that sign?

- This is a vehicle.

- It's a wheelchair.

It's got wheels,

that makes it a vehicle.

Wheels, vehicle.

Wait a minute. I'll have to check that.

Hey, Lou...

...is a wheelchair a vehicle?

- No.

- There's your answer.

But on the other hand, yes.

Hey, sergeant.

Are wheelchairs vehicles?

- Certainly not.

- You're blocking traffic.

But could be.

Oh, captain.

- Are wheelchairs vehicles?

- Of course not.

Come on, get moving.

Well, maybe.

- What are you gonna do about it?

- We better check it in the rule book.

Ten years I been in the department, I never

saw anything like this before in my life.

This ain't no time for bottlenecks.

Hey, what's the big idea?

Hey, what is this?

I'm on a tight schedule.

- The authorities can't make up their minds.

- Ignore the ape, Pinks.

- You got a negative attitude, lady.

- Kindly address no further remarks to me.

Nothing about wheelchairs in here.

- We better call up the mayor.

- The tunnel commissioner.

- We gotta do something.

- Will you moolies make up your minds?

- We'll have to let them go through.

- Start pushing, Pinks.

I have to roll behind this buggy

through the tunnel?

- Keep a civil tongue or I'll run you in.

- We have the right of way.

I gotta get to Baltimore.

It's vital to national defense.

Can't I give them a hitch?

A swell idea.

I think he deserves a free ride

through the tunnel for that.

You're right, McCarty.

All right, back to your posts.

Okay, I'll give you a lift to Baltimore.

- Make it Washington and it's a deal.

- Washington?

Why, you're crazy.

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