The Big Year Page #2

That'd pay for a lot of airfare, right?

Thanks, Bill, but I'm already getting

a late start as it is.

So, what do you win? Is there prize money?

No prize money,

but the birdseed endorsements are huge.

- Seriously?

- No.

Okay, so why do you do it?

It's kind of hard to explain.

You know what's hard to explain? To them?

A core meltdown of the new reactor

that irradiates the entire Atlantic coast.

Okay. Sh*t.

Double-time. And that's unprecedented.

Okay. But I am definitely

leaving on the 20th.

NARBA hotline.

Give your code word at the beep.

Red-tailed hawk.

A Xantus's hummingbird has been seen

in a backyard in Gibsons, British Columbia.

The Xantus's is Code Five.

How do you do, ma'am?

I was wondering if...

The hummingbird's out there now.

- Let me just get you the key to the gate.

- Oh! Fantastic.

I've been meaning to ask one of you people,

do you have to get a snapshot of the bird?

Is that a rule?

No. Believe it or not,

it's all on the old-fashioned honor system.

But you just have to say you saw it?

No. In fact, if you can recognize a bird

by its song, you just have to hear it.

Oh.

But I see everybody with a camera.

You really want a photograph

if it's a rare one,

same as you would the Taj Mahal.

Oh! Stay on the path.

I'll bring it right back.

- This is Stu.

- Stu, it's Barry.

I'm here with Jim and the lawyers.

We just need a little help. Stu. Stu?

Stu?

Goddamn it!

I hope we're not catching you at a bad time.

As a matter of fact...

Look, we need a little expert guidance.

We have reached an impasse

with Chemwall.

- They don't...

- It's going south, Stu.

They don't want to give up

their production facilities in Nevada.

Hold out. Their R & D is prehistoric.

It's all about the real estate.

Look, I gotta go.

I'm about to miss a Code Five.

No, no...

What the hell's he talking about?

Birds.

"One of the greatest birders

I've ever seen"?

Me?

Crane, I'm touched.

Do you ever think about doing a Big Year?

You could be the next Bostick.

Not to toot my own horn,

but I could do something

pretty extraordinary.

Western tanager.

With just a few notes, I could recognize

hundreds of species by song alone.

Hey, all you birders. I'm Annie Auklet.

If you haven't sailed with me before,

yep, that's my real name.

I love those seabirds so damn much,

I had it legally changed in 1990.

Now a couple of rules.

If you can't swim,

wear a life jacket.

Rule number two,

I'm in charge of this itinerary.

And if you have a problem with that,

you can take your candy-colored butt

and put it right back in the rental car.

All right. Come on, line up.

What was that all about?

Back in '03,

Annie stopped a boat to look at a whale

and Bostick led a mutiny.

Look, no one paid to see Shamu!

Get the hell off my bridge!

Just show us something

with some feathers

or let me steer this thing!

- Now you're gonna cut me?

- Get off my bridge, pal!

- 'Cause we won't look at your whale?

- I'll use you for chum!

You're crazier than a road lizard!

He kind of had a point.

No, he is in violation of all the

unwritten rules for decorum and civility.

Yeah, well, maybe that's what it takes

to be the greatest birder on Earth.

Or maybe it just takes

adding a few birds to your list

that perhaps you never saw.

Whoa. Are you saying Bostick's a cheater?

I'm just saying it'd be wise

to keep your eye on the sparrow.

That record'll never be broken.

- Yep.

- Thanks, man.

- Thanks, man!

- Thanks.

Now, why would I help a pig like you

win another Big Year, Bostick?

Because if he were trying to

do another Big Year,

a pig like me wouldn't want any help.

But I'm not, Annie. I'm just looking.

Just trying to reconnect with that little boy

who fell in love with blue jays

and mourning doves a million years ago.

You're not gonna deny me that.

Come on, have a heart.

Just stay the hell off my bridge.

Deal.

- Western screech owl.

- Capital. Yes.

- You.

- Okay.

Red-shouldered hawk.

- Close, but no cigar.

- Red-tailed hawk?

Yes! You, sir, win the stogie.

Straight, straight ahead.

Kittiwake!

Bostick suspected every birder

he met of doing a Big Year.

And he'd do anything he could

to distract 'em.

Like a peregrine falcon he'd circle his prey,

and then pounce.

Seasickness? I feel for you.

That's the worst.

These usually help.

Yeah, some people say

they're just a placebo. Who knows?

Oh! Here we go!

Cod liver oil.

Attracts birds like honey,

but smells like fried cat puke.

- Sorry, shouldn't have said "puke."

- Won't bother me.

Lost my sense of smell in

a chem lab explosion years ago.

That's lucky. Now, you want to be careful

with those binocs.

'Cause once you lose sight of that horizon,

you can get lost.

And then you're done for,

'cause all you feel is

the pitching and tossing.

Pitching and tossing. Pitching and tossing.

I'm fine. I'm fine.

Hey, anybody up for a little fish-head sushi?

Mmm.

Pitching and tossing.

Pitching and tossing.

Pitching and tossing.

Whoa!

You guys got a rag or something?

There we go.

Maybe one with

not so much fish guts on it?

You okay?

It's not easy being green.

Who knows?

Maybe I never would have met Stu

if he hadn't gotten sick that day.

Sometimes friendship, like birding,

depends on luck. You blink and you miss it.

Hey, did you get a chance to see

that black-footed albatross?

I sure did. Thanks.

I'll leave you at peace.

No, actually, it helps to talk.

But I wouldn't want you to miss any birds.

Ah! We're headed back.

Besides, if there's anything important,

I'll know

'cause I can recognize them all by ear.

No.

- Oh, yeah.

- Really?

What's that?

That's Bostick imitating a herring gull.

- Splendid!

- Great!

Bostick. I have him to thank for this.

What do you mean?

He psyched me out. Made me seasick.

I think he thinks I'm doing a Big Year.

That is hardcore.

Are you doing a Big Year?

No. You?

Come on, let's speed it up!

The lad inside says there's a suitable hotel

on the 101, halfway to Mount Shasta.

Hotel? What, you think a snowy owl's

just gonna wait for us? Uh-uh.

Only reason why I invited you was so

we can drive straight through. Chop, chop!

I can get you 10% off the hotel in Savannah.

And I can put you on a direct flight,

but it's $100 more.

Better stay with the two layovers then.

And your dad wants to talk to you.

- No. No, Mom. Mom, no.

- Yeah. Oh!

He's grabbing the phone!

- Yeah. He's grabbing the phone!

- No, no, no. Don't hand it to him.

- Mom? Mom. I don't want to talk to him.

- Yeah!

Yeah!

Where is our world traveler today?

Oregon. Looking for seabirds.

Oregon.

I guess everybody needs a vacation.

It's not a vacation, Dad.

It's not work.

Unless somebody's paying you

to stay in hotels and look at birds.

- Dad!

- Okay, okay, okay, you're right. I'm sorry.

I guess I'm just kind of confused about

what a vacation is.

Okay, Dad, you know what? I gotta run.

Hey. Hey. Brad?

Great talking to you.

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