The Boatniks

[whistling]

[bell ringing]

[man on radio]

This is the Burbank Temptress.

Calling Coast Guard.

Burbank Temptress,

this is the Coast Guard. Go ahead.

I'm afraid we're lost,

Coast Guard.

I can't seem

to get a fix on our position.

Go ahead.

Burbank Temptress, are you equipped

with a magnetic compass?

- Yes, we are.

- Do you have any beer on board?

Yeah, we're loaded.

Do you happen to have a can of beer

next to the magnetic compass?

[laughing] Sorry to bother you,

Coast Guard.

One more time.

Boatniks

- [splashing]

- Boatniks

[man over radio] Dramamine Dragon

calling Coast Guard.

Dramamine Dragon, this is

the Coast Guard. Go ahead.

We ran into some fog

and we're lost.

Dramamine Dragon,

what was your last position?

About an hour ago, I thought we were

heading south off Point Ferman.

lf you tell us the depth

of the water you're in,

we might be able to get an idea of

what your position is from the charts.

Do you read me, Dramamine Dragon?

l said, how deep is the water?

[splashing] Do you mean under

the boat, or in the boat?

Hang tight, Dramamine Dragon.

We're on our way.

Full speed ahead, Walsh.

[crashing]

[chattering]

- [woman] Oh, Ralph!

- [man] Look out!

[excited chattering]

Where there's boats and water

and the sky of blue

There's a swinging

in summer paradise

And a very special

kind of people

Who are nautical but nice

Could you give us

some room, fellas?

Easy now.

Watch it, there's a step.

Watch your step now.

Up, easy. There we are.

Garlotti, clear off that table.

- Full speed ahead, Walsh.

- [man #1] Careful, dear.

[man #2] Don't worry, little mother.

l'm here by your side.

Do, do, do, do, do, do

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Do, do, do, duh, duh, duh, do, do

Duh, do, do, do, do, do, do

Do, do, do, duh, duh, do, do, do

Do, do, do, duh, duh, duh, do, do

Do, do, do, duh, duh,

Do, do

Do, do, do, duh, duh,

Do, do

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do, do

Do, do

Do, do, do, do

- Do, duh, duh, do, do

- Boatniks

[siren wailing]

Oh, thanks.

Boy, this place

is getting crazier every day.

lt's not enough to be

a lifeguard and a fireman.

Now you gotta be a midwife.

You handled it

like a pro, lieutenant.

And they wonder why

l put in for a transfer.

- Will l be glad to get out of here.

- [women laughing]

l don't know.

You won't find anything like that

where you're going.

Yup.

l know.

But that's what's so frustrating.

You're too worn out at the end

of the day to do anything about it.

- [lieutenant] Well.

- [clearing throat]

- Good work.

- Thank you, sir.

l certainly hate to lose you.

A good midwife is hard to find.

Well, sir, l hate to go.

lf there were any way of

calling back that transfer, l would.

But the new man's on his way,

so l guess it's too late.

Don't snow me, lieutenant.

Volunteering for two years' iceberg duty

is taking the coward's way out.

Well, l thought l needed a change.

l have the right replacement

in Garland.

l served with his father,

Admiral Garland.

Admiral Garland,

that's a familiar name.

Torpedo Tommy Garland.

ln one year in the South Pacific,

his submarine sank 77 ships.

We've got a guy on an outboard

who does that on a weekend.

l wonder what's keeping him.

He should've been here.

- [siren]

- [dispatcher] Unit 54,

what is your 10-20?

Unit ten. Roger.

l've got my license

right here, officer.

l'd like to congratulate you, ensign,

for setting a new state record

for moving violations

in a quarter-mile stretch.

Could you tell me

while you're writing the ticket?

Cutting illegally from lane to lane,

using the shoulder for passing,

- exceeding the speed limit and...

- Officer, you're not writing.

- What's the hurry?

- l'm reporting to my new station,

and l'm terribly late.

[over radio] All units, this is an

all-points bulletin from Highway Patrol.

Be on the lookout for three men in

a late-model sedan, make unknown.

These men are suspects

in a two million dollar

Los Angeles jewel robbery.

Stand by for further.

[bell ringing]

- Fill her up.

- l'm gonna get an ice cream bar.

Look, Harry, look.

- The highway's crawling with cops.

- Would you stop trembling?

Of course the highway's

crawling with cops.

They're busy protecting

law-abiding citizens, like us.

What if a cop stops us?

What if he gets suspicious and starts

nosing around the trunk of the car?

- We've had it.

- There's no reason to be suspicious.

You're trembling.

- This thing don't work.

- Forget it, Charlie.

Harry, you sure

this is the best plan?

lt'll take forever to get to Mexico.

Look how jammed the roads are.

lt's perfect. We get lost in the crowd

on our way to see the bullfights.

What are we?

Three aficionados on our way to...

Charlie!

Are you out of your mind?

l put in my money

and didn't get my Fudgsicle.

Move it.

[horn honks]

- Come again, sir.

- Oh, sure.

Slower, Max, slower.

Slower? We just got passed

by a kid on a skateboard.

Anybody want a bite?

lt's good.

- Oh, Charlie...

- The signal's changing.

[brakes squealing]

- We got hit.

- Right in the trunk.

l hope it didn't harm the jewelry.

Just keep cool.

Let me do all the talking.

- [Garland] l'm terribly sorry.

- Let me give you a hand.

- Guess my mind was on other things.

- Of course. Our country's defenses.

And we did stop short.

You have every reason to be livid.

Ah, there you go. No harm done.

Men, back in the car.

But l smashed into your trunk.

Just a scratch, and l'm sure

you're anxious to get to your ship.

Well, l am a little late, but...

Hear that? They're still turning out

those seafaring men devoted to duty.

Why... Why, this boy would

gladly go down with his ship.

He will, if he sails like he drives.

lt was the kid's fault. l saw

the whole thing through my periscope.

You have the unmitigated gall

to accuse a boy

who would gladly give his life

defending Old Glory?

You stand up casting... ls that a red

star l see painted on your submarine?

He's right.

lt was the sailor's fault.

Another patriot heard from.

- Hoarding any canned goods lately?

- [siren wails]

- You again, ensign?

- l'm afraid l hit their car, officer.

lt's nothing serious.

l'm sure we can settle it ourselves.

- Good. l'll get rid of this crowd.

- Yeah, they're in an ugly mood.

All right, let's break it up.

Load up, get in the car.

l wish you'd let me pay

for the damage.

- You keep your money. You'll need it.

- Please.

l know how it is with you sailors.

Girl at every port.

[laughing] Anchors away.

On to Mexico.

[dispatcher] All units, additional on

the three suspects in the jewel robbery.

They are believed to be headed

for the Mexican border.

All units from Orange County to

San Diego County, establish roadblocks.

Standby for additional.

On to Mexico?

Get in the car.

Oh, oh!

Oh, oh.

[women laughing]

Ahoy, ensign.

- Are you talking to me?

- Are you replacing Lieutenant Jordan?

- Yes, l am.

- Great. l'm Jason Bennett.

- This dear thing is Tina.

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