The Book of Love

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People always

be starting stories

with some dick-weed saying,

like, "once upon a time,"

or, "legend has it."

Ever noticed that?

Hey.

My pa used to say

that most stories ain't true

and usually don't start

where you expect.

They really start

on some regular day...

With some regular person.

This is one of them stories.

Exactly.

Well, good morning, New Orleans.

It's 20 minutes past the hour,

and it looks like...

Hey, penny?

Honey, have you seen

my brown loafers?

Yeah.

Great. Where are they?

Oh, I threw those away.

You... okay. Why?

Because they're brown loafers.

But what am I

gonna wear to work?

Darling, just look

under the bed.

Look under the bed?

That's a good idea.

Oh, boy.

What is this?

Hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Mm.

Well?

Hon, I can't wear

purple sneakers to work.

They're not purple.

Those are magenta.

And trust me, my love,

they're the sh*t.

They are?

Try something new, Henry.

Be bold.

Plus, you could use

a little bit of style.

You gonna work late tonight?

Yeah. Well,

I don't know. Depends.

You know, if the developers

like my plans,

I'm sure Wendell would

want me to jump right in.

It's a huge account for us.

I mean, they could hate it.

Whole thing goes south,

it'd be really

embarrassing for me.

I don't know. It's actually

a lot of pressure.

Don't worry. They're gonna

think you're brilliant.

I'm so proud of you.

Well, if you're right,

could be a huge promotion,

a pay raise at least,

so we won't have to worry about

paying for that new kitchen.

Or you could take me on

that trip you promised.

I know. I know. I know.

I promise still, okay?

Next month, all right?

Well, not next month, Henry.

Oh.

Oh, right, yeah.

Of course.

Baby, yeah.

Hey, babe,

have you seen that girl

who's been fishing around

in our trash before?

Girl? No. What girl?

14, 15 maybe.

Uh-huh.

She's kind of

cool-looking.

I mean, she's been rooting around

in there for the past few weeks.

Just kind of thought I...I

should talk to her or something.

If you see her,

can you help her?

Yeah, I promise.

Hey, have you seen my...

Henry.

What?

Promise me now.

I promise. I promise.

Yeah, I will.

Okay.

Have you seen my...

I'm looking for my...

It's on the mantel.

For my... oh, yeah. Oh.

Hey, do you want

to have lunch together?

Oh, I can't. I'm going

to see my mother for lunch,

and then I gotta

go see Dr. Parker.

Hey, hold on.

You're gonna see Julia?

When was the last time

you guys spoke?

Besides one very

passive-aggressive email exchange,

maybe two months.

You want me to come

along, you know?

I could swing by, pick you up.

You know, we could brave

the storm together.

Well, there's no sense

in torturing us both.

She'll probably

cancel on me anyway.

Okay. All right.

I love you.

I'll see you later.

Oh, no, you don't.

Come and give a gal a kiss.

Yeah, sorry.

Hey, honey.

Honey, it's locked.

Door's locked.

What's the password?

Penny, come on.

I'm running late.

I'm nervous as heck.

Henry, don't be such a lump.

See that?

That's where my lips

are gonna be.

We're gonna synchronize on three.

Eyes closed.

Okay. I...

Are they closed?

My eye... yeah.

All right.

One...

Two...

Mm.

Three.

I love you, but you're kind of crazy.

You know that?

I'm not the one wearing

purple sneakers.

Right.

I'll see you later.

Bye.

Yup, Henry was

your average working schlub,

9:
00 to 5:00,

pay your bills,

the whole circus.

He lived each day

according to a plan...

Oh, no, no. No.

I'm fine. Thank you.

Knowing exactly how it would go

from the start to the end.

He had no reason

to think this day

wouldn't be like

all them others...

That this day

was gonna be different.

Son of a b*tch.

They don't like it?

It's worse.

They love it.

You...

They love it.

They love it.

I'm kidding you.

Now, listen, I don't like

having my hand forced,

but if I don't make you a

partner, someone else will,

so as soon as we

close this deal,

we're gonna draw up the papers.

Boy.

Good job, Henry.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

Interesting shoes.

Oh, yeah, these...

Oh, my wife got me these.

See, um, they're magenta.

My pa was a man of the sea.

He used to say the wind

was like a wild horse,

no way to tame her,

that's just its nature...

And that you can be sure

in every voyage

she'll buck

and blow you off course...

Just a matter of time, really.

At some point,

we all lose our bearing.

Sorry. One second.

I...I should take this.

Hello.

This is he.

And when you do,

ain't no need to be afraid.

You just gotta believe

you'll find your way again.

Uh, it's very, uh, very nice...

Hey, penny, what are you...

She likes the rain, you know?

Yeah. Um...

Excuse me one second.

Honey, what are you doing?

Oh, you're defacing a tree.

I'm not even sure

it's on our property line.

We haven't bought

the house yet, hon.

Don't you see it?

The initials? Yeah.

Yeah, I see it.

No, silly.

What?

It's the rest of our lives.

I'm very sorry for your loss, Mrs.

Mureaux,

but there's just no shrimp

listed on the purchase order.

And yet, I ordered them

specifically.

I understand, ma'am. There's just

not listed on the purchase...

Mm, no. No.

I don't think you understand.

How could you

possibly understand?

You didn't just lose

your daughter.

You didn't just lose everything.

You just lost the shrimp.

So I suggest that you

get on the phone

and you find me

some goddamn shrimp.

Does that sound like a plan?

Thank you.

Whoever heard of a

reception without shrimp?

Henry?

Hey, Henry.

I'm Dr. Melvin.

Your mother-in-law

Julia invited me.

I just want to express

my deepest condolences.

Some urn you got there.

Can't say I've ever

seen one like it.

I designed it.

Please forgive

the crudeness of the sketch.

I didn't have time

to digitally render it.

Well, thank you so much.

Excuse me.

I didn't see no Boudin,

no croissant.

Mm, that's true.

Yeah. Uh...

Mr. Herschel.

Hey. Um...

Thank you for coming.

Um, I...I know

Pascal and me

only been working for

you for, like, a month,

and it just felt

like anything we say

wouldn't sound good anyhow,

so we got you this.

This...

Is this cannabis?

No, man, it's pot.

I don't smoke myself,

but I get it

on account of my pop

got glaucoma.

Now that chockablock

would have foo' me

for the fais do-do.

Mm-hmm.

Excuse me?

He don't speak English.

No. I caught that.

Yeah. I...

Pascal.

Right.

Well, well, uh,

thank you, Pascal,

and thank you...

Dumbass.

Dumbass?

That's my name.

That's the true.

Oh.

Uh...

Whew.

Oh, sh*t.

Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Hey.

Is that your cabinet, mister?

My... oh, um...

Yeah.

We're renovating here.

This used to all be a bathroom.

You still want it?

No.

Don't Chuck it or nothing.

I'll come back for it, okay?

Yeah, yeah, sure.

You okay, mister?

Yeah.

I mean...

No.

No.

I-I'm sorry.

You just...

You reminded me

of someone. That's all.

It's cool.

You put your finger

over the hole,

inhale, then uncover.

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