The Boss Baby

1

Survival of the fittest.

It's the law of the jungle.

There's always someone trying

to take what's yours.

How do I know?

It almost happened to me.

Tim Templeton...

quit monkeying around.

Hot dogs are getting cold.

Hot dogs?

At least, this is how I remember it.

All right, buddy, let's eat.

You see, I was seven years old...

and back then,

you relied on your imagination.

When I wasn't exploring the Congo...

I was a deep sea diver.

Tim!

Our hero!

Don't worry, Mom and Dad.

I got this!

Grab on!

Some days, I rescued my parents.

That way!

Other days, they rescued me.

- I'm losing control.

- Tim, look out!

Tree!

You're breaking up!

Slow down, Tim!

- Turn, Tim.

- Turn!

- Are you hurt?

- I'm okay.

Show Mommy your teeth.

It was just the three of us.

The Templetons.

And three is the perfect number.

Interesting fact...

did you know that the triangle

is the strongest shape found in nature?

I was the luckiest kid ever.

My parents even had cool jobs.

They worked for the biggest pet company

in the world...

Puppy Co.

- Yes, Mr. Francis?

- Puppy Co needs you.

It's go time.

They worked in a department

called "Marketing..."

where they got to launch new products.

Even though my parents worked really hard...

they still made just enough time for me.

Three stories, five hugs,

and my special song, right?

You got it!

Blackbird singing in the dead of night

Take these broken wings and learn to fly

All your life

You were only waiting

For this moment to arise

Hey, Tim. How would you like

to have a baby brother?

No, thanks. I'm enough.

Life was good. Life was perfect.

But as I drifted off to sleep...

something my parents said got me thinking.

Where do babies come from?

The day I got a little brother

started like any other day...

but little did I know...

my life would never be the same.

Wake up, little halflings! It's 7:00 a.m.

Wake up, little halflings!

Morning, Wizzie!

What great adventure

lies in wait for you today?

Oh, yeah!

My parents always said

that I had an overactive imagination.

But I clearly remember...

the baby was delivered in a taxi.

What the...

Hey!

Tim, look who's here.

Meet your new baby President of the united states.

Baby what?

president of the united states.

I had a million questions.

Who is this guy? Why is he here?

What's with that outfit?

Why's he so fat? Why's he staring at me?

Does he know karate? What's going on?

That way?

- Okay.

- Okay.

Right from the start,

he was yelling at people...

ordering everyone around.

Oh, you want this?

One thing was clear. He was the boss.

He set up his office, right

smack dab in the middle of the house.

He conducted meetings.

- You called?

- Do you need Senior Squeaky?

Lots and lots of meetings.

Even in the middle of the night.

I'm up! I'm up!

- We're coming!

- We'll be right there!

If things weren't done

to his immediate satisfaction...

he had a fit.

- Where's the bottle?

- He has to have his bottle!

He had everyone wrapped around

his chubby little finger.

Everyone except for me.

- Diaper!

- Bottle!

Dad! I can't sleep.

I know, bud. Me neither.

The baby needs a lot of attention right now.

Okay, good talk!

- But...

- It's okay.

Daddy's here. Daddy's here.

What about me?

The year:
2057.

Ensign T-Rex and I are investigating

a hostile alien invasion.

It's so much worse than we thought.

Mom, he's naked!

I'm naked!

Say "naked."

No!

Who's Mommy's little cutie?

Are you Mommy's little cutie?

No, he's Daddy's little tough guy, right?

You know one of us has to go

with Mr. Francis to the pet convention.

In Vegas.

- You know what? You should go.

- No, no. You should go.

Well, you need a break.

- I'll stay with the baby, and you...

- Maybe the baby should decide.

Who do you want to stay with you?

Daddy or Mommy?

Or Daddy?

He wants his mommy.

Okay, we need to talk!

In private.

- Sure.

- About what, bud?

About the b-a-b-e-e.

"Y," Tim.

Why? Because he came out of nowhere!

We don't even know him.

How can we trust him?

Come on, he's just a baby.

Seriously? I'm the only one that thinks

there's something weird about this guy?

- Oopsie! I got it.

- Five-second rule.

Tim?

Look at him! He wears a suit!

I know. Isn't it cute?

He's like a little man.

He carries a briefcase.

Does no else think that's...

I don't know, a little freaky?

Well, you carried Lam-Lam around

until you were like...

This is not about Lam-Lam.

All babies are different, Tim.

And each one is special.

He's taking over the whole house!

Are you taking over the house?

Yes, you are. Yes, you are.

Trust me, one day you're gonna

get to know this little guy...

and you are gonna love him

with all of your heart.

Just like we do.

All of your heart?

Never.

Hello!

It's time for my three stories,

five hugs, and special song!

How about one story...

three hugs, and my special song?

Just my special song?

Mom?

Dad?

Hey.

What happened to bedtime?

We'll have it on Monday, Mr. Francis.

Don't cry! Don't cry.

Hello?

Hello? No, ma'am, not yet.

No, I'm not making excuses.

Yes, ma'am,

I know I've been here a long time.

Believe me, it feels like my whole life.

I'm making great progress

with the parents already.

The usual procedure,

sleep deprivation, hunger strikes.

They're very disoriented.

I've got them

eating out of the palm of my hand.

They do everything for me.

It's hilarious.

But I think the kid might be on to me.

No, I can handle him.

I know how important this mission is

to the company.

Mission?

Well, trust me, ma'am.

You got the right baby for this job.

Hands up, devil baby!

Fart! Poop! Doodie!

I've gotta deal with the k-i-d.

You can talk!

Uh, goo-goo Ga-ga.

No, you can really talk. I heard you!

Fine. I can talk.

Now, let's see if you can listen.

Get me a double espresso...

and see if there's someplace around here

with decent sushi.

I'd kill for a spicy tuna roll

right about now.

Get yourself a little something.

Who are you?

Let's just say I'm the boss.

The boss? You're a baby! You wear a diaper.

You know who else wears diapers?

Astronauts and NASCAR drivers, that's who.

It's called efficiency, Templeton.

The average toddler spends, what?

45 hours a year on the potty?

I'm the boss.

I don't have that kind of spare time.

Well, you're not the boss of me.

- I am the boss of you.

- No, you're not.

- Am, too.

- Are not.

- Am, too!

- Are not!

- Am, too.

- Are not!

- Am, too.

- Are not!

Am, too. Am, too.

I was here first.

Just wait until Mom and Dad find out

about this.

Oh, yeah? You think they'd pick you over me?

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