The Boy Friend Page #3

I HAD A LETTER TODAY.

HE'S ARRIVING BY CAR

FROM PARIS!

FROM PAREE?

YES, FROM PAREE.

PSST. ONION!

YOU'VE GOT TO CRY!

THEN WHY IS THIS LETTER

POSTMARKED FROM NICE?

(sesame)

OH, NEVER MIND,

MY LITTLE POLLY.

YOUR SECRET IS:

SAFE WITH ME!

SOYEZ GAIE:

AND TRUST ME!

NOW THEN, DRY YOUR EYES,

THEN CHANGE INTO YOUR TUNIC.

WE ARE DANCING:

ON THE GRASS!

HA HA HA!

NO! I WON'T DO IT!

A WESTERN ARTISTE AC WITH AN AMATEUR? NEVER!

WE'VE ENOUGH COCKNEYS

IN THIS SHOW AS IT IS!

AND WITH DETHRILL

OUT FRONT, TOO.

HE'LL THINK HE'S

WATCHING A VARIETY ACT!

YOU'LL BE EXPECTING

ME TO SING,

ANY OLD IRON NEXT!

YES!

ANY OLD IRON ANY OLD IRON

ANY ANY ANY OLD IRON

YOU LOOK NEA TALK ABOUT A TREAT

YOU LOOK BETTER:

FROM YOUR HEAD TO YOUR FEET

DRESSED IN STYLE,

BRAND NEW DOLL:

WITH YOUR FATHER'S

OLD GREEN TIE ON

I WOULDN'T BE THE DUFFER IN

THE OLD WATCH CHAIN

OLD IRON, OLD IRON

DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH, DAH

DAH DAH DAH DAH DAH

DAH-DAH, DAH-DAH

HOW'S THAT?

THAT'S IT! YOU'RE A

COCKNEY JUNK DEALER.

MADE YOUR FORTUNE IN

SCRAP METAL AFTER THE WAR.

YOU WANT TO:

BETTER YOURSELF.

POLLY, TOO!

YOU'RE TRYING TO LIVE DOWN YOUR

PAST.

I'LL WRITE IT.

WE'LL SAVE THE SHOW YET!

I WON'T DO IT!

HAS ANYONE GO A FOUNTAIN PEN?

DID YOU HEAR THA GIRL'S ACCENT?

PAPER, PAPER!

I WANT YOU ALL:

TO DO YOUR BEST.

AND TELL THE BOYS I

HAVEN'T TIME.

TELL THEM TO:

DANCE LIKE NIJINSKY.

DETHRILL'S OUT FRONT!

OH, NOT DETHRILL, THE JENNY DILL

MERCHAN FROM CABLE STREET?

NO, IT MUST BE DETHRILL,

THE GREAT HOLLYWOOD

DIRECTOR,

TALENT-SPOTTING FOR

HIS NEW, SUPER, COLOSSAL,

ALL-TALKING, ALL-SINGING,

ALL-DANCING FAMOUS MUSICAL!

GIRLS:
OH, THAT ONE!

HI, TOOTS.

HOW'S POLL DOING?

QUITE PROMISING,

ACTUALLY.

CARE FOR A PUFF?

UH-UH.

IT MIGHT STUNT MY GROWTH.

I SAY,

THAT'S A KICKY STEP.

WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT?

SEARCH ME, TOOTS.

YOU SEE, AS A KID I

WAS KICKED IN THE HEAD.

AND WHEN I CAME TO...

AMNESIA.

HOW ON EARTH:

DID THAT HAPPEN?

YOU'VE HEARD OF

THE RUSSIAN REVOLUTION.

BAH-BAH-BAH!

AND ALL THAT JAZZ.

YES.

WELL...

I'M TOLD I WAS ON

THE STEPPES OF ODESSA...

WHEN THE WHITES:

WENT BANANAS!

WHEN I WOKE UP,

ALL I COULD REMEMBER

WAS HOW TO TAP DANCE.

FASCINATING!

PLUS THE NAME:

OF ONE STEP.

THE DOUBLE TRIP...

MAXIE FORD...

WITH A KNICKERBOCKER BREAK!

WHAT HAPPENED:

TO YOUR PARENTS?

I DON'T KNOW.

I NEVER HEARD:

FROM ANYBODY.

I GUESS THEY:

WERE DONE IN.

ANYWAY, SINCE

I SPOKE AMERICAN,

I WAS SHIPPED OFF

TO THE STATES,

WHERE THEY PUT ME

IN AN ORPHANAGE.

WHAT WAS THAT LIKE?

IT WAS CRUMMY. THEY

WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME TAP-DANCE.

SO...

ONE DARK NIGHT,

AT THE RIPE OLD AGE

OF 6 1/2,

I RAN AWAY:

TO NEW YORK!

TO MANHATTAN.

TO TIMES SQUARE.

TO BROADWAY!

WHERE I BECAME:

A BABY STAR.

I'M...

A-TAPPING

DOWN BROADWAY:

JUST A-TAP, TAP

TAPPING DOWN BROADWAY

'CAUSE BROADWAY'S

MY TAP SLAP-HAPPY HOME

CRAM, ROLL, SHUFFLE,

BALL CHANGE, TAP TAP

THEN I OUTGREW:

MY SHORT PANTS,

AND IT WAS CURTAINS

FOR TINY TOM.

I SAY, YOU WOULDN'T BE PULLING

A FELLA'S LEG, WOULD YOU?

NO. EVERY WORD'S

THE TRUTH.

CUB SCOUT'S OATH!

OH, THERE'S OUR CUE.

READY?

OH, THA WAS MARVELOUS.

BUT TOMMY, COULD WE TAKE

IT EASY THIS AFTERNOON?

I'VE GOT THE MOS APPALLING HEADACHE.

OH, OK, TOOTS.

I'LL GIVE IT THE OLD

MATINEE SOFT SELL.

(LAUGHING)

MAN:
AND...

(PIANO PLAYS WALTZ)

EXCUSE ME.

PLEASE, COULD YOU GIVE THIS

TO THE MAITRE D'?

OUI, MAM'SELLE.

THANK YOU.

- GUESS WHO.

- TOMMY!

GOODNESS ME,

WHERE I AM...

OH, GOSH, YOU DID

MAKE A TAP JUMP.

FANCY MEETING YOU

HERE.

I LIVE HERE.

YOU WANT TO COME UP AND

SEE MY ETCHINGS?

OH, I SAY, PLEASE...

PLEASE! I MUS LEAVE AT ONCE!

I'M JUST HERE

ON AN ERRAND:

FOR MADAME DUBONNET,

ARRANGEMENTS FOR THE

CARNIVAL BALL TONIGHT.

IF SHE WERE:

TO FIND OUT,

I'D BE ASKED TO

LEAVE UNDER A CLOUD.

MMM. I'M NO LETTING YOU GO

UNTIL YOU PROMISE ME

ONE THING.

AND WHAT IS THAT?

OH, YOU KNOW AS

WELL AS I DO.

- DO I?

- OF COURSE YOU DO.

I WANT YOU TO PROMISE

THAT TONIGHT...

YOU'RE GOING TO

DANCE EVERY DANCE

AT THE BALL WITH ME.

OH, THAT! THAT'S OUT OF

THE QUESTION.

COME ON, MAISIE. BE A SPORT!

OH, YOU KNOW THERE'S NOBODY

I WANT TO DANCE WITH

BUT YOU.

REALLY?

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!

LISTEN, BABY,

TO MY PLEA:

WON'T YOU COME

DANCING WITH ME?

BE MY BABY AND SAY YES

OR ELSE I'M

DONE FOR, I GUESS

TO DANCE WITH YOU

IS THRILLING TO:

MY POOR EGO:

SO BABY,

SAY YOU'RE WILLING

TO SHAKE A LEG,

OH...

WON'T YOU

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

WON'T YOU

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

AND WHILE THE BAND

IS PLAYING THAT:

OLD VO-DE-O-DO

AROUND WE WILL GO

TOGETHER WE'LL SHOW THEM

HOW THE CHARLESTON

IS DONE:

WE'LL SURPRISE

EVERYONE:

JUST THINK:

WHAT HEAVEN:

IT'S GONNA BE

IF YOU WILL:

CHARLESTON:

CHARLESTON:

WITH ME:

WON'T YOU

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

WON'T YOU

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

AND WHILE THE BAND

IS PLAYING THAT:

OLD VO-DE-O-DO

AROUND WE WILL GO

TOGETHER WE'LL SHOW THEM

HOW THE CHARLESTON

IS DONE:

WE'LL SURPRISE EVERYONE

JUST THINK WHAT HEAVEN...

SHE'S DOUBLE-CROSSED

YOU!

WHAT?

DETHRILL'S IN

THE STAGE BOX!

CHORUS:
WON'T YOU CHARLESTON

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON,

CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON

CHARLESTON WITH ME

JUST THINK WHAT HEAVEN

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE

WHY DON'T YOU CHARLESTON

CHARLESTON, CHARLESTON?

WHY DON'T YOU CHARLESTON

CHARLESTON WITH ME?

THEY TOLD ME WHEN I JOINED

IT WAS A NOEL COWARD PART.

NOW YOU DON'T EXPECT NOEL

TO TALK COCKNEY, DO YOU?

ANY MORE THAN:

YOU WOULD A QUEEN.

HERE.

I CAN ACT POSH.

ACT POSH?

AH, CUT THAT.

DETHRILL WON' UNDERSTAND A WORD OF IT.

IT'S A FOREIGN LANGUAGE

TO THEM YANKS.

HE'LL THINK I'M

A CHARACTER MAN.

WELL, YOU'RE HARDLY

A JUVE, ARE YOU, DARLING?

PLEASE KEEP OU OF IT, MOIRA.

WELL, THE

CHILD'S NOT THAT BAD.

SHE'S GO A LITTLE TALENT.

TALENT? SHE'LL

NEVER MAKE THE WEST END

IN A MILLION YEARS.

WELL, LET'S BE

HONEST, DARLING.

THE NEAREST YOU EVER

GOT TO THE WEST END

WAS HARROW-ON-THE-HILL.

UNLESS YOU COUN THE TWICE-NIGHTLIES.

HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN

THAT CHARITY MATINEE

I GAVE AT CROYDON?

OH, HERE. I WAS

IN THAT SHOW.

COCKNEY CAPERS.

YOU SANG:

HENRY THE EIGHTH.

THERE YOU ARE.

WON'T TAKE A JIFFY.

- WHAT ABOUT ME?

- YOU TALK COCKNEY VERY REFINED.

YOU SHOULDN'T FIND

IT TOO DIFFICULT.

I WON'T DO IT!

UNLESS I PLAY IT STRAIGHT.

- IT'S PERFECT.

- HAVE YOU FIXED IT ON?

HERE, IT WON' COME OFF.

JUST PUT THIS:

ONE ON AS WELL.

AND NOW, POLLY, BEFORE

YOUR FRIENDS ARRIVE,

I WANT YOU TO TELL ME

JUST ONE THING.

YES, MADAME?

HOW IS IT THA ONE SO SWEE AND CHARMING

AS YOU ARE:

HAS TO PRETEND TO

HAVE...HOW YOU SAY...

BOY FRIEND,

AND WRITE HERSELF

LOVE LETTERS?

IT'S BECAUSE OF

MY FATHER, MADAME.

YOUR FATHER, HUH?

YES. YOU SEE,

BEFORE KAISER BILL

THE HORRIBLE,

HORRIBLE WAR,

WE WERE TERRIBLY,

TERRIBLY POOR.

DADDY WAS A SCRAP

METAL MERCHANT,

AND I WAS:

A LITTLE MATCH GIRL.

BUT AFTER THE ARMISTICE

HE MADE HIS FORTUNE,

BOUGHT UP ALL THE ALLOYS

OUT OF THE STREET,

AND NOW WE ARE TERRIBLY

NOUVEAU RICHE, YOU SEE,

AND WHEN HE DIES I SHALL

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